Guys : Is it important for you to know ?

[edit] As a guy, how would you feel if a girl didn’t answer your question about her sexual past ?

What would you think ?

Would her silence frustrate you ?

How would you respond to her silence ?

Is it important whether she tells you or not, and why ?

What if the most answer you get out of her is “I’m not that experienced” – what would you make of it ?

How long are you willing to wait for a girl to be ready for sex before giving up and leaving ?

How long is too long for you to wait ?

How old is too old to be a virgin ?

Any final notes / advice ?



Ladies and Gents' please be completely honest, even if you think it will hurt my feels – but make sure its constructive feedback.

Thanks

 

As a guy, how would you feel if a girl didn’t answer your question about her sexual past ?

A: For me, if the girl i am with doesn't feel comfortable talking about sex or anything related, i tend to be fine with that. I give her space, and let her know that she can talk to me about anything if she is comfortable.

What would you think ?

A: You or anyone else who wants to keep matters like these private is entitled to their right to keep what they want private. As long as there is no dishonesty involved. What you want to do is not dishonest; see your desire to keep your sexual past private as refusing to put up a huge bilboard stating every little fact about your sexuality.

Would her silence frustrate you ?

A: no

How would you respond to her silence ?

A: if she is not comfortable talking about such things, then i would move on, and maybe even make a corny joke to take the attention off any awkwardness that may be left afterward.

Is it important whether she tells you or not, and why ?

A: Its not something that will break the relationship. I think if a guy really wants to be with you, he will enjoy your company, whether or not sex is involved.

What if the most answer you get out of her is “I’m not that experienced” – what would you make of it ?

A: When she is comfortable enough to explore, im sure it would be a honor to teach her and help her learn.

How long are you willing to wait for a girl to be ready for sex before giving up and leaving ?

A: Depends on her personality and how she acts. Personally, if she is sweet, playful and energetic, then I could wait forever until she wanted to make love. Not only would playfulness pass the time, it would burn off any excess energy that would otherwise be used towards sex.

How long is too long for you to wait ?

A: See previous answer.

How old is too old to be a virgin ?

A: That is irrelevant. Virginity is not a bad thing, it is and can be a testament to your inner strength and self awareness.

Any final notes / advice ?

Pick the guys you surround yourself with carefully, and in harmony with your own feelings and attitudes.

For example, a born again 23 year old woman who has promised to keep sex for marriage wouldn't have a healthy relationship with some frat boy who eats, sleeps and breaths sex, and who brags about how many women he has slept with.

Good luck.

 

It is MUCH worse for a girl to tell a guy she's a virgin and then the guy finds out she's not.

The magnitude multiplies by how many partners she's had.

If a girl says she's a virgin but has been with one guy, usually doesn't matter, more like " awww, how cute " especially if she's over 18.

If it's two guys, it's a little annoying.

If it's 3 or more, the guy has a right to get pissed off.

It's a trust issue.

I know a friend of mine was going out with a girl and she kept him waiting 2 months on the " I'm a virgin " line and then he found out from reliable sources she had slept with at least a dozen guys.

Like, WOW.

When I was younger ( 18 ) I dated a girl who kept saying she was a virgin and had me wait 5 weeks and then after tell me she had sex with 2 guys, she was 17 so I was ok with it, and then she kept changing the story and it got 5 guys and I told her to go fuck herself because I hate liars.

Point is, to most men it would be a pleasant surprise to find out the opposite, as in, a girl who doesn't say anything about a virgin and then you find out.

 

What would you think ? Possibly had issues in the past with sex.

Would her silence frustrate you? Depends. Usually I'll bring up sex maybe a month into the relationship and have an open convo about it. If she really didn't want to talk about it I probably wouldn't.

How would you respond to her silence ? Change the subject. bring it up in a few days or so.

Is it important whether she tells you or not, and why ? Sex is important to me. I mean ask yourself would it be important to know your partners past? Somewhat important.

What if the most answer you get out of her is “I’m not that experienced” – what would you make of it ? I wouldnt care. Good enough for me. Good answer to hear.

How long are you willing to wait for a girl to be ready for sex before giving up and leaving ? Sex is not the main forcus of any relationship so I could wait.

How long is too long for you to wait ? Not sure. If shes the right girl probably worth waiting

How old is too old to be a virgin ? Being a virgin is very hot so its up to you!

Any final notes / advice ? Your putting to much into this. If you find the right guy he will not care. Your not gonna be talking to the right guy if he is constantly bringing up sex. I'd tell him whenever he brings it up. I'd like to wait until Im ready. Maybe bring it up in a few weeks if hes still around.

 

Thank you for replying guys. You make me feel better about who and how I am. Your words have been encouraging and that it is okay for me to stay on the path I am on – thank you… It means more then you know.

Woodwind - Can you please define ‘playful’ ? Is it me or are you implying something ? I get the feeling you don't mean xbox and such right ? lol and yes keeping company with sincere genuine guys is a must for sure

Nateman – Are you referring to not caring whether she is or isn’t in flings or relationships ?

MaximusXXX – You make me laugh. Your experiences with girls must have left you somewhat jaded in us females… sigh* Nice surprise for the guy ? I’m just hoping he’ll believe me when I do summon the courage to tell him. It’s already embarrassing enough. But to have to stand there and defend yourself and explain… seriously every person i have mentioned my past to - or lack there of, has always responded "how's that even possible !/?"

bigmannn - "If you find the right guy he will not care." - one sure hopes so

MaximusXXX and bigmannn - The 2 months waiting and a few weeks bring it up thing... nnnoot exactly what I mean. That’s roughly how long I spent talking with him and hopefully starting some sort of a friendship first. I’m talking much longer then that boys – I don’t like moving to fast in relationships. A girl likes to get her head around stuff. Yes this girl here is somewhat hesitant to commitment. Don’t get me wrong – if I give my heart, I give it fully along with my loyalty. But once I commit – I commit, you know what I mean ?

 

Horrible misconception.

If you're dating a girl over 18, 2 months should be the max limit.

Anything longer than that and she's probably riding you.

Even if she always pays for herself, she could be using you as a fallback.

The same with some men, and when either gender does it, it's horrible.

To re-iterate, men and women who have a " girlfriend/boyfriend " they usually don't sleep with as a backup in order to insure themselves from ever being single.

A more and more common occurence.

And I'm engaged btw missie, so I did finally find a woman I could trust, lol.

 

i think you put way to much stock in you being a virgin being some kind of tool to use guys with..
the underlined statement above pretty much convinces me of it..

quite frankly i always found virgin chicks to be totally worthless. they think their shit dont stink, then when ya finally get them in bed they are completely clueless..

way to much effort for little return..

 

hippiehillbilly - wow I’m sorry you feel woman out there use it as currency (some do – not all). I feel sometimes guys see the ‘virgin’ thing as a prize… but I guess that’s why I started this thread – to see what men really think. I must say I am a little taken back by your bluntness – but appreciate the honesty

And what I mean by “I’ll tell the poor guy eventually” is not something that is done to daggle a carrot in front of him. What I mean is that if the relationship is progressing and I am willing to experience that with him – it seems only natural that a couple should have the past sexual partner talk right ? and I used the term poor cause I assume that most guys would expect sex, but not necessarily get it ? I didn’t mean to use it in a condescending way…

MaximusXXX I think this is where the communications break down between men and women occurs. He’s like ‘yea, I can wait’ thinking maybe like 2 months. And she’s thinking ‘8 to 16 months’. I’m not saying all woman think like me though - some are quite liberated when it comes to sex. But a man’s notion of waiting and a woman’s notion of waiting are so different… – ps congratulations... can I just say one is highly envious that you have found your life partner at such a young age ! make beautiful memories together !!

 

missie, dont worry, lol

when i say playful, i really do mean xbox kinda thing, or frolicking or whatever.

unless you think xboxs are sexy. :hat:

 

hey missie, i'd throw in my two cents worth.

As a guy, how would you feel if a girl didn’t answer your question about her sexual past?

Well, for me, once i ask the question, i always expect the girls to say they are virgins and they've never done anything - believe me, that's what the girls tell you. Me personally, i will just ask if you're a virgin, if they don't tell me, i want harass them at all. Anyhow, i got a good knock of understanding what tones people use when they're lieing so i kinda get the idea.

Would her silence frustrate you ?

I guess so

How would you respond to her silence ?

I won't do nothing. I'd just accept that she isn't comfortable answering then try to build a trust first if i'm into her then ask some other time.

Is it important whether she tells you or not, and why ?

Guys like to be a girls first. lol

What if the most answer you get out of her is “I’m not that experienced” – what would you make of it ?

I'd take it you're not a virgin, simple as that.

How long are you willing to wait for a girl to be ready for sex before giving up and leaving ?

Me personally, I'm just looking for a girl who i want to be with forever so i don't mind waiting until we're married. just please note that a once in a lifetime answer so don't expect to see it again. lol

How long is too long for you to wait ?

refer to above

How old is too old to be a virgin ?

Never too old. the older, the sweeter i find you. lol

Any final notes / advice ?

Don't use dating sites!! just move with the flow of life.

 

Nigelnewbie - I appreciate your 2 cents… but its worth much more to me then that – much more… “Me personally, I'm just looking for a girl who I want to be with forever so I don't mind waiting… ” That’s want I want – something deep and meaningful, I just want to get to know him first, see what his like – see if there’s a spark - a connection! I want him to spend a little time to see if there’s something in me worth sticking around for - beyond the virginity thing, so that’s why I don’t think I should say anything…



I find it surprising how quickly most men expect to develop a physical relationship with a woman. It has been relatively disheartening hearing the realities of some of the answers - but definitely not all. I guess it’s a matter of being patient and finding someone who knows that he is capable of enriching my life, and being patient enough to allow me to enrich his… I feel that it’s such a lost cause if it ended all too soon.

I would like to thank you all for your input… men and women have the same dictionary, but both have different meanings under each term. This forum has and will continue to be useful in providing a little more insight into the dictionary of the opposite sex... sincerely missie

 

I dont think that every person out their is so caught up in relationships that they have fall backs. Some people sure they do. I would wait and have waited over 6 months to have sex with my girl friend. In my personal opinion their does not have to be a set time limit.

 

It depends quite a bit on what the guy is used to. The reason for the delay matters also. If the girl appears to have strong reservations about sex in general, the guy is more likely to see this as a hopeless situation for him. If she is apparently just not ready to do it with HIM, then he has more incentive to stick around and work to improve the relationship. Stalling for no clear reason is probably going to frustrate him very quickly.

I'm sure you know that this is not an all-or-nothing decision that you have to make. There are all kinds of sexual things that you could enjoy together, short of letting him fuck you the conventional way. Taking smaller steps might be easier for you, while at least partially meeting his physical needs. Even a simple exchange of hand jobs gives you the chance to learn something about your degree of sexual compatibility with the other person, with smaller risks.

Relationships are built on communication, trust, compromise, and lust. It is good to be constantly working on all four fronts. Some couples have a ground rule that they don't talk about what they have or haven't done with other people. If you want to have that rule, just say it. That won't prevent you from telling him that you need to go slow for now, and it won't prevent you from telling him what you would like for each step to be, when the time comes. Couples don't talk much about these things in the movies, but that doesn't make it a good idea to keep each other guessing.

Whenever you find yourself in a truly serious relationship. Then you have to contemplate major, life-changing decisions when you don't even know what you like or dislike in bed. It is too much to figure out all at once. When is that relationship going to happen for you? Nobody knows in advance. Nobody has control over who they meet in life, or when.

Some people romanticize virginity to an extreme degree, when in fact, there is no consensus on the exact definition of the word. However you define it, I think it's highly over-rated. It is a great option for people who are too young to fully understand and practice safe sex. For the rest of us, it's a weird mind game.

Worst-case scenario: You find out on your wedding night that your husband's favorite position/practice/etc. is something that you hate or find absolutely disgusting. In other words, waiting is not risk-free. Starting those learning experiences too late can be just as bad as starting too young.

I can remember when American guys used to expect to marry a virgin, but it isn't talked about much anymore. Most of us understand that it rarely ever happens, and we have moved beyond it. Truth is, it was a sexist double standard.

 

R. Hampton “If she is apparently just not ready to do it with HIM, then he has more incentive to stick around and work to improve the relationship. Stalling for no clear reason is probably going to frustrate him very quickly.” - Point taken, I guess I would feel the same way too, if the situations were reversed. I’ll tell him that I’m just not ready.

The whole ‘exploring’ sex through others means… I’m not to sure about this one. I mean, I try to remain opened minded as possible – but I guess it’s a matter of how comfortable I feel with him. Obviously that level of trust and intimacy for me doesn’t just happen in a few weeks to a few months. I don’t think I quite understand what you mean by ‘wired mind games’ lol

“Waiting is not risk-free. Starting those learning experiences too late can be just as bad as starting too young.” - Yes, this is something I often think about too. Sometimes it feels like I am missing out on an important part of life – and other times I get mad cause I feel I shouldn’t have to do something just because it’s the social norm… It’s not who I am. There’s this internal struggle to go with what my body feel is natural – and losing a big part of myself… I don’t know if men quiet understand it. It’s a spiritual and emotional thing, to allow a person to touch your soul where no other has - and leave you so exposed and valuable. I think I could only go through that with someone I cared deeply for…..........

maybe I’m apart of a dying breed – the sentimental type

 

If it's important to you, I would want to know. But it wouldn't change my behavior, I don't think. Possibly, I would ask if she's comfortable as we go along. iggy:

Edit: But I tend to do that anyway.

 

All you really have in life is time. :cheers2:

That is the over-romanticism of virginity that I was talking about. What you are describing is love, not sex. Expecting all that intensity out of sex is a formula for disappointment. Virgins tend to look forward to sex so much that it turns out to be something that the real world could never deliver. Usually, the first time isn't very good at all.

Fortunately, love and sex are nothing at all like money. When you give some away, you don't have less to give in the future.

Nothing wrong with sentimental. I can do sentimental.

 

I was trying hard not to sound like I was romanticising the act of losing one’s virginity but it ended up sounding like that anyway… lol I believe I have realistic expectation of my first time. I’m sure it would be an interesting feat trying to co-ordinate my body with his too say the lest… might be a few times before I can fully enjoy his ‘company’ though – but that’s to be expected.

I’m not talking so much about the first time it happens, but the being with someone on that level in general. I guess the physical aspect of it really throws me – the intimacy really scares me, and I’m not the kind of girl who can have causal sex, or even date causally for that matter. Making the choice to be in a relationship or being physical is something I consider carefully. I see friends dating – being boyfriend and girlfriend for two to three weeks then breaking up, and I really don’t see the point. What a waste of time and energy. I watch and I think they could have save themselves all that drama, by just starting off as friends and seeing if they are both compatible and taking it from there.

More to the point - what I mean is... I don’t want causal sex - I’m not interested in that. If all he wants is sex or I’m just another name on his list – then I much prefer he move on… No disrespect to him, if that’s what his looking for - everyone has the right to be satisfied. However, is it so much to ask to be in a relationship with someone that cares for you, and you for them ? rather then having a person plotting to add you to their list of conquests ? I just want a decent guy who’s willing to stick around and create some memories together – have fun – laugh – be young - blah blah blah………

[edit]

 

……ok so there’s nothing I can do with sympathy – but your advice would still be useful

 

It's mostly hormones. I went to school with some people who got into limited sexual experimentation as young as 13. I don't think it was their plan to permanently favor casual sex over the serious kind. They just wanted SOME kind of experience, and only one option was available.

I got off to a much slower start than they did, and I have had mixed feelings about it. Nobody can get back lost years, but on the other hand, I probably handled some things better by waiting until I had better common sense. Sometimes I feel like I didn't really know anything until I was 30.

So much depends on who you meet, and when you meet them. Who knows what would have happened if I had not run into a sweet and kind-hearted party girl who wanted to corrupt me?

We all have issues. Some people admit it, and the rest are liars. Thinking about most of the females I grew up around, probably all I learned from them was what I did NOT want.

 

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