i just dont see how anyone could ever be happy. do you know what i mean? in so many ways but specifically in marriage, how could two people just love each other and never stray from each other, does it ever happen? theres always going to be slutty 20-somethings that have a thing for older men, and no matter how great of shape the guy's wife is in and how pretty and wonderful she is, he's always going to want the slutty 20-something. it's crazy, people have affairs and never get caught, it's just so sad!! i dont think anyone loves each other totally.it's just an ocean of hurt and betrayal no matter how you look at it. i wish i didnt feel that way. i wish i thought it was possible to love someone. how horrible. i think i think about it a lot because i kind of wish i could just peacefully and happily be my boyfriend's girlfriend and not end up getting hurt or hurting him but i really dont think its possible so shouldn't i just give up? but i always give up, so i should try to not give up for once? but is that a wise thing to choose to not give up on, given my true beliefs?? I DONT KNOW because if i think its going to happen it probably will. and i dont mean like law of attraction shit, i just mean like suspicions cause things to happen that wouldn't normally, as far as cheating on each other goes that is i hate love because its so much easier to just not have feelings and do whatever which i was doing for a long time, until i decided that i didnt want some other girl to take him from me and re-commit but wtf, why would i do that? it makes me crazy. i dont want to care about him. i could just turn it off so easily. there's no benefit in caring only pain. 15 minutes could ruin your whole relationship and nothing would even have to happen, just worrying and jealousy. it's insane. i think its just that i really dont think i could ever expect any guy to only want to be with me when there are so many other girls in the world that are better and prettier so if i ever want to get married i have to be ok with him sleeping with other prettier girls who are younger and better. how could i ever be okay with limiting a guy to only be able to sleep with me and no one else? i can't ask that of someone, so i cant get married. end of story. i hate being conscious because it means that i think and if i think i go in spiraling circles until the only reasonable option is dying. there's no options that involve fulfillment without fear. i can make all the fear disappear so easily just by not taking anything seriously. but then if i decide to give a shit about anything there's just walls of fear and suspicians and worries. but if you don't care about anything, then nothing causes fear. i just cant bring myself to put all my eggs in one basket because someone will drop it out the window and they'll all break but by then i'll be too old to get anymore eggs and my life is wasted. i should keep some eggs on the backburner for in case. BUT THIS IS WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT. god i wouldnt want HIM to have backburner eggs, so i shouldnt either. but what if he does??? then i need some too. you could work for something for your whole life and then have it taken away and be left with nothing. thats why i dont ever want to spend my whole life building that life. it makes more sense to me to not have a career or a husband or family, and just move around a lot. but then you're lonely and feel useless. but at least you dont have to be afraid of losing things. which is better? and what's wrong with me, why is it so hard to believe that it's possible to be happy?
I feel very sorry for you. I can understand where you are coming from, but not the extremity of your own beliefs. Perhaps this way of thought is only temporary. I am sure that if you teach your self or introduce yourself to people in happy relationships, this may change. Good luck to you.
i recently lost a love and sometimes, its hurts so bad i want to die. it does seem that because we are human sexual beings that we will always be attracted to others because it is our biology, but people who care enough and have enough respect for someone can truely love them and have a healthy relationshiip. you just need to find someone whos on the same level as u
You seem the female version of me! That's exactly what I think! I'm gay and I've had only 2 realtionships (well, or the beginning lol) and broke up after one month cuz I didn't feel I could trust them. I don't find men reliable at all, and I rather not love at all than to love and have my heart broken. I mean, nowadays it's almost impossible to find a guy who's sure that he wants a relationship and even more to find one who is faithful! I don't want to spent my whole life giving this and that man a shot hopping that he's the one, only to find out later he's not. We better stick to the dildos
People cheat and lie all the time, but they always get what they deserve. If you fill your life with love it will come back to you
you know what i think i figured out...i think i'm the person i'm afraid of. i think i'm the one who can't love people. i think i'm the one who would cheat. that's why i'm so scared of it, because if i can do it anyone can. so when i commit to someone it scares the motherloving hell out of me because i become so vulnerable. i mean wow sometimes i cheat just to save myself from being hurt. it's like my heart remains always one carefully measured step away in anticipation of heartbreak. it's no wonder i don't think it's possible. because i can't do it. maybe other people can love. but i can't. so i run away hide and push people away not because i'm scared of them necessarily, maybe because i'm truly heartbroken over the fact that i will hurt them eventually, and sooner is better than later. and thats the sad truth. i wish i could be like other girls who wanted normal things and believed they existed and could just slowly and tenderly fall in love with one man and be blind to other men. i did it once but he ruined me. i'll never do it again. it's like deep inside i just know better. i just dont want to set myself and those that i care about up for a lot of hurt...thats all.
It sounds like you don't really even love yourself. Before you can love another person or they can love you, you have to love yourself. So cliche, but so true.
