Man, I need honesty.

For you see, I'm not the personifacation of beauty in any form. Adonis points and laughs at my existance whilst zooming past in an expensive ass car that his mom bought for his 16th birthday, man. I just need to know are all chicks superficial by nature... am I cursed with this bullshit for life? I've been alone for almost a year now and it fucks with me on a severe level..

 

no they're not you just must go for the wrong girls (but i will say it is hard to find girls that aren't superficial) i love it all i love all types nothing could be wrong except scummy-ness for the most part.

 

hang in bro,she is out there

 

Yeah. That's where the cleft pallet comes in.

It's fucked me up pretty bad. I've had surgery ofcourse but I still look like shit, man...

 

looks are not everything, and i'm not just saying that. see you need to present yourself confident, the confidence is attractive.

 

i hope this cheers you up dude,i mean this in fun but find a blind chick,and i have 78 inches of scars

 

I don't mean this condescending, but you're only 15. You're face and body are still maturing, plus you're still young. You have a lot of time to be successful at dating. Just try not to worry it, these things tend to work out naturally. If it's any comfort, I didn't have my first boyfriend until 3 months ago. It's important to be happy alone, you won't be alone forever and having a relationship isn't the only fulfilling thing in life.
Also, have confidence. It's powerful. Don't be so worried about appearances. Everyone has things they dislike about themself. Not to mention not all girls are attracted to the same thing. And the Adonis that was given a free car? I'd be more attracted to the guy that worked for his car. Guys with a free ride through life don't learn important life lessons, like the value of money and hard work, and in the long run that's what counts.

 

yeah and also, joaquin phoenix had a cleft pallet and i find him as one of the most attractive men i've ever seen! so don't be so down.

 

Keep in mind too that you're dating high school girls. They have some maturing to do too, give them time.

 

(((((((((hugs!!!)))))))))

By the time I met my husband, I was 16 years old & had never dated. HE was 12 days shy of 18, and had also never dated. Both of us had given up on ever finding true love, had decided that all those nasty kids were right & we WERE the ugliest people alive, and that we were just plain going to have to learn to live alone.

While true love may not be blind, it can see through ANY scars... to what's inside. It sounds cliche, but it's true. My hubby only has 8 teeth & I have ugly hairy-hobbit toes but WE found someone! You will too.
love,
mom

 

Try being alone for 22 years.

And never having been anything else.

That'll really fuck your minds asshole like a corrupt police officer doing the same to a black man with a nighstick.


And yes, the vast majority of women are superficial. I don't mean to be sexist - the vast majority of men are as well. But it doesn't help when I overhear women in conversation saying such things as "every girl friend I've ever had has ended up screwing me over. It seems like guy friends are the only genuine people I ever have as friends." Or myriad stories from my friends about women holding sex above their heads and using it to get them to jump through hoops (ie buy them things, provide some kind of companionship when the boyfriend isn't available, and ONLY when the boyfriend isn't available or when they decide they want some variety, give them a cheap ego boost. . .) - like they might hold a treat above a dogs head and get it to stand, sit, roll over, etc.

I'm willing to bet that you, at your age, are primarily interested in attractive women. I got bad news for ya - attractive women are shallow women; particularly when they're attractive by conventional standards. The fact is when you're female and attractive, you don't have to have a personality or any kind of integrity to get attention from the opposite sex. There are exceptions to every rule, of course, but I will contend that this one is pretty damn solid - if you're trying to find an attractive girl who wont use you or care only about boosting their ego and shopping and television - especially at your age - you'll be looking for a needle in a haystack (Ah good old cliches).

My solution has been to actually seek out women that are average or below average in appearance - I find that these women have a much higher likelihood of being more than faint shadows of human beings. Well, as far as I seek out women anyway - I've got a horrid case of avoidant personality disorder, which means I'm terrified that by approaching new people / revealing my personality around them I will cause them to dislike me more than if I just remain silent. The irony is that people generally think I'm cold/rude and/or not the least bit interested in them because of it. I'm totally aware of this, yet when the social situations come around the subconscious processes that cause me to do this take over entirely - I simply can't help it.

By the way, I have been told various times by my friends that their girlfriends think I'm very attractive - and I used to see women eyeing me all the time, though that has stopped happening - I'm not sure if its because I'm getting old or because I constantly look depressed and am slouched over, staring at the ground in front of my feet, etc (Life sucks when your illusions fade and you realize life is not what you thought it would be for so many years, and when you, despite a desire for companionship from the opposite sex, lack the means to acheive it). Women absolutely do not like guys who lack confidence; some think they like shy guys until they meet one who can barely engage in a normal conversation. Then they change their minds.

The bright side, for you at least, is that women are not nearly as focused on physical attractiveness in partners as men. I'm convinced that the number one turn on for them is confidence - perhaps thats why so many women end up with abusive/selfish douche bags?

I will acknowlege though that women seem FAR more concerned about how their friends, and everyone else, feel about them. While they won't be so worried about being seen with a a guy who isn't extremely attractive (because as I said attractiveness is pretty universally less of a consideration for women in general), a physical deformity could very well deter them solely because they'll obsess over what everyone will think of her for being with somebody with such a deformity.

But I'm gonna propose that if a guy with a cleft lip was socially adept, funny, and very confident, that a woman would not be so hesitant to openly date him since his positive social traits would stand out more than the deformity would around the people whose opinions she would care about. If you stay silent, then the deformity becomes a marker - a way of identifying you. People will think of you as "that guy with the fucked up lip" rather than "that guy that tells the hillarious jokes" because they quite frankly have nothing else to go on - the deformity will be the only thing that makes you stand out.

Likewise, you can be the most (physically) attractive guy in the world and be alone for life, as I have and unfortunately will most likely remain.

Please take this advise to heart - go out and force yourself to talk to girls. Build your confidence as much as possible (but please dont' become an arrogant asshole! - you might still get women but I'll have to hunt you down and give you a good beating). Do it NOW, do it frequently - you're still very young. Hell, you're in high school - I promise you that your age group in general will mature at least a little in the coming years and give less attention to your lip, and also won't be so happy and willing to shit all over your self esteem without a second thought. And your brain is still developing, as is your personality - you still have a chance to change yourself. I spent my portion of the period of life you're now experiencing thinking that a relationship would just happen magically eventually, that it as ok that I was ridiculously shy because I just took it for granted that I would get better and/or that a girl would come just sort of come along and do all the work. Needless to say that never happened, and now I'm twenty two. My brain is more or less set it stone. I've been working on my problems for a few years now (because I realized that I actually had to do something about it, that they wouldn't fix themselves) and making progress at a snail's pace. AT this rate, I'll be capable of dating by the time I'm 140.

You've still got loads and loads of hope from where I'm standing, dude. Just don't shoot yourself in the foot. Its probably too late for me, and this life is pretty empty and more of an annoying inconvenience than anything else - but if people can learn from my mistakes and not be stuck in the same situation, then it will at least have some value.

 

Holy nutsack, that's a long post. How do I always do that?
sorry. . .

 

Dude. You're only 22.

 

Haha yes but my age shows. I definitely don't look the same as I did a few years ago - similar, but just more. . . rough and weathered I guess. Obviously I'm not getting wrinkly or anything like that. . . nonetheless, my appearance is distinct from what it was a couple years ago. That sort of youthful glow is gone. I look relatively old and tired. Perhaps thats just the goings on in my soul being reflected in my appearance. In any case, I'm not all that concerned about it. My physical appearance is of little importance to me; as I explained above, it hasn't been any kind of an asset. Good though it may be (have been?), I have not benefited from it in any significant way. So I'm neither happy nor sad to see it go. Just indifferent mostly.

 

geo give me pictures

 

And as for saying my brain is set in stone, I was referring more to chemistry more than anything immaterial. The fact is our thoughts and feelings are all chemicals at some level - and my brain's propensity to release chemicals that paralyze me socially just isn't possible to overcome by any process of thought or reasoning.

I didn't always have this outlook. It was only after trying damn hard for years to change and and making negligible progress that I developed it. I still try, too - that spark never went out completely. But it sure is dim these days. . . I'm convinced that if I'd realized that I needed to take responsibility for reforming myself at the thread starter's age it would have been more like molding or drawing in new, wet concrete - as opposed to running into the hardened concrete wall I find before me today.

 

you're a complex being and some people can't handle that, i can't find someone who i can find interesting enough for me. i appologize on what i said then, people normally find themselves unattractive, i don't meet or come upon too many people who are interested in things that actually matter.

 

It's not what you got, it's what you do with what you got.

You wouldn't think that someone with a hair lip could make a living as an actor but Stacy Keach did and even with a name like Stacy Keach.



Honestly, when you stop thinking of yourself as ugly, others will stop thinking of you that way.

Start thinking that you are unique and different with a look that has character and is interesting and then become someone unique and different and interesting and people, women included, will want to be with you and because of who you are not what you look like.

A person can't take pride in what they look like because they really had nothing to do with it but you can take pride in who you are because you had everything to do with that.

 

I think a lot of good women are just looking for someone kind, responsible and a little romantic. Pay attention to that and you can forget all the other stuff. It also helps if you can learn to see true beauty in a person and not just the outward BS that everybody makes such a fuss over.

 

You're 15, you'll learn.

Most women go for attitude over anything else.

This is why you get women with a stable job in relationship with bums, as in, literally, men who do not work.

And that's later in life.

High School is pretty lame though, the hot girls tend to go for the guys with the fads.

For example, when I was in High School, it was " in " to be either a wannabe gangster or a metrosexual.

Yeah......

I got women the old fashioned way, sports.

But now it seems it's all attitude, break dancers get all the babes, those fucks.