What You Resist Persists

It's damned hard isn't it and seems impossible ...to accept the unacceptable; most have to be forced into it, ...backed into a corner where we either accept or be miserable. But why was in unacceptable in the first place? - because we were percieving events from the standpoint of our ego ...the personal me and a self image which we protect.
My death experience years ago was ALL ABOUT accepting what i saw as unacceptable ...how could someone treat me that way?! My self worth was shattered and my addictive behaviours magnified and i could hardly accept myself either. With myself it was easier because i knew my predicament ... my past and all the reasons, ... with her it wasn't so easy because there were so many unknowns yet the fact that she was sexually abused seemed to be her 'get out of jail free' card for whatever behaviour ... my goodness she was such a control freak! Yet in the end i could see that she was simply protecting her self image as being 'a good person' and i understood that she was focusing on any bad behaviour i enacted and ignoring anything good about me. You see it all the time when couples split up ... they fall out and hate eachother and suddenly it's all "You did this to me!" and "No it was YOU! You did this to ME!" LOL it's crazy, and this was what i realised back then. I suppose i realised that she couldn't help it, it's just the way she was used to behaving ... which destroyed me because any breakups with girls before then had been amicable, but no she wanted to fight... and be right. I had become her scapegoat and normally people would fight back to protect their own self image by putting down the 'other' but i saw that this would just be all out war ... especially with someone like her (extremely self rightous and willing to hit people to prove it) So eventually i forgave and dropped the whole thing. - And the magic of forgiving another is that you forgive yourself, ... what in essence you are doing is forgiving unconciousness. By becoming more concious over that year and a half after we split i began to see what unconciousness was and when you see that it's all forgivable because people just can't help it, they can't see clearly and behave out of their short sightedness and from their polarized viewpoint.
How does one increase in conciousness? In my case it was by my focused attention on the situation with us both over that year and a half and seriously wanting to know the truth about it. Also i was focusing on my body (taking awareness from thinking) ... on the void i felt in my stomach, that pit in the stomach ... my focus went inwards which was kinda where it always was just mutch more so. Having a kinda breakdown helped too because you begin to see that you can't really be sure about anything anymore... that my thoughts and beliefs about the situation could be wrong ... without solid facts you just don't know and ultimately i just surrendered to not knowing.

So ... the unacceptable becomes acceptable with increased awareness of the situation. So just do anything that will help increase awareness. Become aware of the way you think and inquire as to why you think that way. If you find yourself thinking compulsively ... and usually this is negative thinking then avert your attention away and think about something else, or stop thinking if you can, ... focus on what you are doing, meditate, breath .. whatever helps to break the habitual pattern so your mind can then be free to see more clearly and less out of defending a self image as someone separate from the person you have a problem with.

Like eckhart sais; Focused sustained attention. Shine the spotlight of awareness on the situation.
And also don't take anything personally. We are all just human/spirit creature things made the way we are.

Anyway, i struggle with it too.

 

Hey i just watched a new Adyashanti clip all about letting things be as they are ... not resisting. I'll type it up tomorrow ... it's not very long.

 

Couldn't I just take some drugs or something?

LOL

Well I guess I'll just wait right here until increased awareness comes along. And yeah, that Adyashanti thing might be good - I'll look forward to reading it. Thanks, LL.

 

Haha, yeah i sometimes think that but i've kinda been there and done that one. Can be useful though if you really feel the need and your intent is in the right place ... i found, with me anyway that drugs (ecstacy/mdma) were just kinda aggressive, take you up so fast ... you have all these insights, yet your conciousness can spring back to where it was like an elastic band and those insights don't make quite as mutch sense anymore without being able to acclimatise and adjust to that state of understanding. But was it worth it? Yes i think so. Something was desparately needed at the time. Do it in a meditative manner (small doses) as a tool for focusing on issues and 'problems' and try and use that window it offers you to get to the heart of the matter. I'm sure drugs have helped so many people clear their minds of stubborn patterns and clutter, and helped one see a bigger picture. I'm sure drugs have also caused alot of harm to others too. I completely frazzled my nervous system. These days though i find that just smoking some weed now and again can give me similar insights to what 'E' did for me back then.

Perhaps that's not a bad idea. Though maybe less of the 'waiting' and more just getting on with what you do ... until increased awareness comes along. - letting things be again.

 

Every now and then - NOT daily as a crutch, mind you, - why not take a valium or have a drink just to help one get into the "proper" don't-resist-mindset?
I smoke herb and vouch heartily for it's mind opening and accepting abilties. It doesn't rob me of my sense or memory; but, has helped me with depression and Along with Meditation/prayer has truly helped (I know, what a trite word - yet, it's accurate).
Letting go of ego, sense of self is one of the hardest things there is to do, imho.

 

I have The Ego That Ate the Galaxy, Lynn. It refuses to die. My longsuffering spirit guide Deanna needs to wear thick armor to deal with me.

I've been using vodka as a crutch for a long time. But last week, before the new year, I decided all those empty calories are starting to make my belly bulge, so my vanity got the best of me and I decided to lay off. I did indulge on Sunday night after a day in a black mood, though, and last night I allowed myself two shots (which is a whole lot less than my customary evening dosage has been for the last couple years).

And liquidlight, I of all people see a place for certain substances - peyote was pivotal in opening my eyes - but the actual truth is, I just can't do that stuff anymore, I'm too paranoid.

 

Same here LOL, ... scared it'll mess my head up and also make me paranoid, but to me spirituality isn't REALLY about insights and wacky experiences anymore anyway and it's back to the core stuff of true relationship and love .. which of course don't require psychedelics, but that doesn't solve the issue of problems, issues and past hurts. One way of dealing with the past is to let it go completely, knowing that it doesn't necessarily have to impact you in any way, only by thinking about it do we keep it alive in us as a problem and identify ourselves according to it ... realising that who you are is who you are NOW .. kinda like freedom to take off the clothes of your past. This goes for others too, they are who they are now and who they were yesterday or now (now is just another yesterday in this sense) is irrelevant if one could let go of it and stop the judgements about who ourselves and others are based on what they do or did, who they are or were ... or what colour and where they come from, every ounce of judgement hammered out of you, really having your face rubbed in the dirt to realise that you cannot judge another or yourself .. it's futile and pointless. Nobody is who you or they think they are and your beloved is all of them. So it's getting everything out of the way, all the 'stuff' between people. It's all bullshit and irrelevant.
So this is like learning some real humility and finding some real warmth and depth in the process as we take down those boundarys of judgement. Getting into and understanding this more fully, many issues and problems just dissolve because they become irrelevant in this light, it's a very healing realisation all round ... and you and others become equals and lovers.

So it's kind of a work around?

Er yeah, i'm being lazy, been kinda busy and tired this week ... i'll quote Adyashanti soon and a few choice lines from Eckhart too.

 

Adyashanti: 'Getting beyond ego'.

 

Yeah i wanted to mention a couple of dreams i had soon after this thread was started ... maybe because i'd been thinking about it alot, it's something i've given alot of thought to in the past but anyway both dreams happened the same night one after the other.

The first dream takes place in a large public library in Plymouth (about 30km from me irl) it's daytime and a just a few people in the library, there's a bear in there with a human like quality, reading the books but very territorial i guess .. you had to keep your distance, i saw him rip a guy open cause' he didn't like him. At one point this bear had me trapped between some shelves and was considering ripping me open too so i was faced with this immediate prospect of a horrible death, i was just looking him in the eyes, a calm came over me and i surrendered to that moment .. "well kill me if that's what you're gonna do" .. kinda thing. And so he didn't rip me open after all .. maybe a surrender of his own. After that we just carried on reading in the library.

The second dream is kind of a scenario set in the world of a computer game i've been playing called fallout 3 .. Kind of a post apocalyptic wasteland with bandits and slavers, creatures, old wrecked cars and shacks, ... i'm fighting a few raiders with a BB gun and they have hunting rifles and one of them flanks me and has a rifle pointed at my head. "I submit" i say and surrender to them thinking they'd enslave me .. but they just let me go and were actually friendly after that.
To me both dreams were about reaching a decision at those moments of submission or surrender to not continue resisting. The first dream seemed to be about proving to the bear that i wasn't a threat of any sort, and the second was like "I'm sorry i was taking pot shots at you with my BB gun" ..a kind of humiliation.

 

you perception will guide you in life, and your mind is the pilot

 

When we are disconnected from body conciousess, yes, the mind tends to think it is driving. It's an easy misperception to make.

 

indeed.