My boyfriend could be gay and I'm a woman.

My boyfriend and I just had a long and very serious discussion. He confessed to me that he was actually bisexual leaning towards gay. That scares me a lot because I really love him and I don't want to lose him to something that I cannot change.

He said that he's had intercourse with other men and he liked it, and that scared me even further.

He says that although he really likes women too, he leans towards queer because pretty much every woman in his life has let him down. I honestly think that it is a wrong reason because you cannot judge a whole sex for something that a few did.

I honestly don't know what to do or who to talk about this. I'm so scared. I told him that I understand if he does turn out to be gay. I know he wouldn't be happy being with me since I'm a woman and I truly only want his happiness.

What should I do?

I'm confused, I'm scared and I just don't know what to do or where to go to.

A gay support forum was the first thing that came to my mind since I know some of you may have had to deal with similar situations.

What should I do?

 

just hold on tight

reassure him that you won't hurt him like those other women did
that you will always be there for him and such
and then make sure you back it up

besides that, you just have to let him find things out for himself, be understanding, and stay optimistic

 

I'm trying as hard as I can to be reassuring and to prove my devotion to him. I would never hurt him, but I've never had to deal with any of this before. I'm confused and just plain scared. I don't want to lose him.

 

that's perfectly understandable
it's one of those things that is just really hard and shitty, but you can't do anything but deal with it - some day you will look back on these times, thinking about how beneficial they were

 

I was on the other end of this sitaution two years ago. i used to think I was just bisexual rahter than gay, and I had a girlfiernd who Id dated for over a year.
Then I told her that I thought I was acutally gay, and although she told me she was fine with it and all, and was supportive, I knew she was still hurt/confused/scared, as I heard from her sister..and she was afraid of losing me.
Now, her and I are closer than ever, and we didnt lose eachother. We are closer than we were while we were dating.
It sounds like you have a great potential to be a wonderufl lifelong friend for him, it sounds like you really care about hima nd that he cares about you, and as long as you support him and are there for him at this confusing time in his life, you two should be fine.
Good luck!

 

I guess the best advice I can give if he says he's bisexual is to trust me. I know that's hard now that you've gotten worried about him turning out gay, and it could well be that it's just an interstitial phase, because he's worried about coming out as gay and doesn't want to upset you, but equally he could be bisexual, and a lot of bisexuals feel under pressure to choose to be gay or straight because of the stigma that's attached to bisexuality. Be supportive. You should think that, just because he's been with guys before, his commitment to you would be any less than if he'd been with other girls before. Take it as a compliment if anything.

 

It's not his commitment that I doubt, he seems very serious about our relationship. It's the thought that one day I may no longer be sexually attractive to him that bothers me.

If he is indeed gay, then I will continue to love him and support him through the trials ahead. It's just that once he decides he is gay, I feel that it becomes a point of no return where no matter how much we both try, things cannot change.

He would never cheat on me, nor I on him, but you guys know how it is when its sexuality that gets in the way...

 

I think your situation is common, but if your current sex life is good then he must be attracted to you, he may be predominantly homosexual but still somewhat heterosexual...

 

Well I don't really, but I'd say just make a point of thinking of him as bi rather than potentially gay. If there's no pressure on him to commit to being gay or straight, or even bi, and is just allowed to be who he is, then he's less likely to decide.

 

If he chooses to go with a guy, there is not much you can do, but either get mad (stay that way), or wish him well and move on.

 

if hes bi-sexual it means he likes both sexes and well it wasent ment to be if he turns out gay. and i personally dont beleive in bi-sexuality and its just a seveaar state of denial.

 

I personnally think this kind of attitutude is narrow minded and just as bad as homophobia
S

 

Well...I don't know about that one. See, I'm pansexual. I don't lean more towards any side so I don't worry about wether I may discover I'm actually a lesbian. I know I'm not lesbian, bi or straight and I'm perfectly happy that way.

The way my boyfriend put it though, makes me a little nervous because it seems like he feels that he will pick a side someday and it may or may not include me. And that's what scares me.

 

That's a very immature attitude, considering that you are only 14 years old you have much intelectual growing up to do. I'm not trying to sound pompous but when I was 14 I was shit for brains, so I'm not attacking you.

But it is true that for many, probably at least half of people who claim to be bisexual aren't bisexual and later figure that out. Some people are straight or gay for many years and suddenly at the age of 35 realise that they are bisexual, some may become gay and then straight again. It's actually quite amazing how different sexual orientation is for people.

I had my confusion phase on some years ago, I'm just about 20 now and I can tell you that I am bisexual but I also have a clear preference for the opposite sex. If you want to find bisexuals who like both sexes 50/50 that might be hard.

This boyfriend in confusion situation is crappy, the conclusion can't be foreseen and needs patience.

 

Im sorry I know that would be hard to deal with. I would face the facts and jus move on. I dont see this changing.

 

Get your self a strap on realistic cock and see if he wants to be your girl,you know role reversal.Or maybe have a threesome with him and another guy.Explore.....you never know what might just happen