my husband hates my dreads :(

thank you people for you wise responses
I listen to them all, it's good to hear everybody's unique opinions. My husband is also wise, and loves me so. It doesn't come up that often just when I'm bashing on him lol. Like his hair is getting long and I offered to cut it as it's all in his eyes but he says he likes it. If I go on about it some more than it will come up. And why shouldn't it? We do need to sit down and have a proper chat about them and find some dort of compromise. I know in my heart of hearts that I won't take them out and we obviously take marraige very seriously and never ever want to part. And never would over something so silly! Things like this can only make you stronger when you overcome them together and we have been through a lot. So we will find a way

 

yea i understand..i thyink the comments like at least i can change my clothes were uncalled for but not everyone knows how to express tyheyre thoughts more properly
just talking to him about it and giving him time to adjust will help
and dont take the com,ments too seriusly

 

so its more like good natured teasing and rewacting to nagging with allittle nagging of his own
its not really that he hates thgem but theyre an easy odvios target when u go at him over his clothes otr hair your dreads are thye odvios target of an easy responce

 

Yeah. I think the most important thing you said was that it is not the same thing. And soaringeagle pointed that out pretty well. No one has said a bad thing about her husband. The conversation shifted from him pretty dramatically when it was suggested that she cut the dreads.

I think the spirit of the conversation was never centered on or against the husband. I am sure he is a great guy, and would never fault him over his taste in hair--god forbid someone find out about some of my eccentricities. I wouldn't dare point a finger.

Soaringeagle, as I see it, made a valid point, using an extreme circumstance as his example, of the danger of women feeling it necessary to compromise themselves to the will and liking of a man when such an suggestion was made.

Any suggestion that her husband was being villanized is conjecture and misunderstanding. Its all about the L-O-V-E and peace, right?



Bottomline. Lux has some bad-ass dreadies and should be proud. LOL

 

haha I understand SE mi amor <3 and no I would never be the timid woman 'obeying' my mans every command. I can't stand the catholic church, but thats another story! I like the idea of tagging him along on the journey you never know, he may grow to like them. if I keep them for long enough he may never remember me without! at the moment, in his eyes they are something that I did knowing he wouldn't like it and in the past he has not done many a thing and done many a thing for me. So it goes both ways. Having dreads is a journey and so is marraige, so if I just find a way to marry them then I'll be sorted ^.^

 

I walked off in the middle of my post and came back no more than five minutes later and the conversation had gone on. Excuse the belatedness. Now I feel condescending. Maybe it is time to cut back on the buddah while posting.

 

It's ok. We love you anyways.

 

Your husband is crazy. How can he not like your hair? you are gorgeous. The hair should not matter anyway. You have a very pretty face and i think dreads fit you naturally anyway. What im not really understanding is that it does not seem like he knows or even cares about how much your dreads mean to you. Dreads or not you are still the same person who he married, which shouldent change the feelings he has for you at all. I understand how people change throughout there lifes...but to be mad at someone for there hair choice is crazy. And thats stupid of him to think that dreads do not look good on women. Dreads are for anyone and they look good on everyone(at least i think.) And i feel like he might have a heavy patriarchal idealised perception on dreadlocks or anything. It has always been okay for the male sex to do most things good, or bad and get away with them because the male is a symbol of authority and respect. Whatever he does is justifiable to the community. So if a woman’s husband chooses to wear dreadlocks, she would find it difficult to tell him to do otherwise because she is only the wife. But then again women’s hair, if long, may be required to be tied back. Spikes and dreadlocks are not acceptable, but also dreadlocks are rejected despite the gender of the wearer...so whatever i think you are a awesome person and should do nothing to your dreads and should swing them in your husbands face to wake him up or something lol . Your dreads are amazing and great.

 

Lordy lets hope that isnt the way it is suppose to be.....then my hubby would still be sporting a mullet....and me The Aniston.

My hubby grumbled and thought I was nutts when I first mentioned wanting dreads. Then I conned him into helping me.......he spent like 10 hours backcombing for me. Which is a surprise..my hubby is MR Manly-Man. Now he is attached to them...I mean like obsessive.....like they are his babies. Its kind of funny. Not to even mention that my hubby is a tight ass so all the money I use to spend on shampoos ,conditioners, frizz ease, hairspray, flat irons, salons, and the hours I spent getting ready ...(man am I glad those days are long gone) we have to do fun stuff with.

Sorry Luxie......you are beautiful...I cant imagine why he would even not like them. Maybe he cant handle you being so smokin hot!!!!

 

he, of course cares what I think and would never want me unhappy. I just have to explain to him how much they mean to me, with a sit down chat I, of course am still the same person. but like someone said before, with a baby, new hair, new house-EVERYTHING realli ^-^ there have been a lot of changes. Women also change when they have babies so...he'll get used to it. He'll have to lol nothing could change his feelings of love for me.

SE: the thing is, yes I could be in an accident/fire and actually we've talked about this and of course would stick together because love never fails and endures all things. I realli do believe that, but having dreads is my choice. If I was in a horrible accident and got injured physically it would not be a choice. ya know? xoxo

 

haha you are a cutie callie ^-^ I laughed to myself about your 'Aniston' ahaha (still laughing) thats what I was telling him today. I spend 10-15 mins getting ready inc a shower! I hated having to 'do' my hair everyday-eugh. Ans specially with a baby I wouldn't even be able to! I love looking different and hippy cute

 

i agree that it might be about you lookin too smokin hit
your lil fun n flirty too or so it could seem i know your more just loveing anbd lovable and super freindly with the ppl u love
perhaps its lil insecurity?

 

Im having a similar problem, (Although not a wife) my girlfriend really dislikes my "Dreads" (its still a hotmess)

Luckily, she decided to let go of it when i told her how happy i am about them, and how much i want to watch them grow in time. She decided if there going to make me happy, she can let them go.

 

I don't think that your marriage is doomed. I just think that he's a bit confused. I mean you've got new hair, new baby and new house and he's probably feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all. I don't think that you should sacrifice what you want for the sake of what your husband wants. I just think that he doesn't see what your dreads mean to you. I'd go with the heart to heart though, he may not realise how much you love them

I'm married too Luxie, I had dreads when we met and took them out for a year and put them back in. My husband isn't bothered at all by my dreads he's good with the dreads although, he hates piercings and I'm not "allowed" anymore but if I got any more he'd still love me so don't worry about your husband he'll be fine.

 

oh, I never knew you were married for how long? I love it, don't you? x x x

he'll get over it-but you know men don't like to be told what to do (most men-not all) so when I tell him that he'll get over it-he's like, 'i won't!' but he probably will
I had my septum piecred about 6months into our relationship (it's out now) he didn't realli like it so was happy when I took it out but I took it out for me not for HIM!

 

thas exactly what i thought when i read your post! men love to feel needed/wanted, they thrive off it. i think i read somewhere that you and your friends did them? that might be a reason, he felt left out, and not involved in a big change in your life. so ask him to help you wash 'em/plait 'em/put a bead in i dont know, just make him feel like you need him to help you! then, your dreads will be a part of both of you not just you, and if you regularly ask him to help you, he'll associate your dread with a warm fuzzy feeling inside. : )

 

jeez, when did people start caring so much about what their partner looks like? i couldnt care less if my bf wanted zebra stripes tattooed on his face or pink spiky hair.
i dislike those sort of girls who dont like their partners beard or w/e so demand they change. its b/s.

 

First of all, there is nothing wrong with doing something for your spouse. What is all this mumbo jumbo talk as if a person should ALWAYS do things for themselves? This is absurd, and it's not how marriage works... if two people are married and only do things for themselves, then it will not be a successful relationship. How is it that this guy is getting flamed just because he doesn't like dreads? He's not entitled to an opinion? Should he lie to his wife and pretend he likes them? Give the guy a break, holy shit.

 

that is one of the things I love about him and am glad he doesn't just lie to make it 'easier' and no, of course we can't just do what we want all the time. but if you do something for someone that will make you sad/feel bad and are soley doing it for the other with no joy for yourself then whats the point either? Everyday when he comes home from work I made him a lovely breakfast (he works nights) I don't love doing it but it gives me some joy inside that he loves what I make and is so greateful. Marraige is about compromise!

 

thats right lux, a womans place is in the kitchen










i jest. dont hate me. =D

your posts sound more positive about this situation though, you had that talk yet or are things just better?