SHROOMLANDs personally selected LOL jokes.

(the jokes that i really LOL at.)

there were a few of them that i couldn't stop laughing for like 15 minutes trying to read it to my friend.

and then when i was finally able to read it to him, he was like... was that it?.. i was like.. well yeah!! lol.

i'll add more, eventually..

but these are the ones i remember.

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One day in the forest, 3 guys were just hiking along a trail when all of a sudden, a huge pack of indians attaked them and knocked them out.

When they woke up, they were at the leader of the tribe's throne.

The chief then said "All of your lives may be spared if you can find ten of one fruit and bring them back to me."

So after a while the first man returned with 10 apples. The cheif then ordered him to stick all ten of them up his butt without making any expression at all on his face. He had a little bit of trouble with the first one and started crying while trying to put the next one in. He was soon killed.

Later, the next guy came in with 10 grapes. The cheif soon ordered him to do the same as the first guy. After to the 9th grape, the man started laughing so hard for no apperant reason, and was killed.

The first two guys soon met in heaven and the first guy ask the second, "Why did you start laughing? You only needed one more grape and you'd have gotten away!"

The second guy answered while still laughing, "I couldn't help it. I saw the third guy walking in with pineapples."


i for some reason found it funny the first time i read it... but now i see it everywhere, it aint that funny anymore.. lol.
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Jesus is up in heaven. He's looked for Joseph everywehere but he just can't find him. Finally as he's sitting on a park bench with his head in his hands, an old man comes along and says "Why the long face, son? You're in heaven, you should be happy."

Jesus says, "I've been looking for my father everywhere but I just can't find him."

The old man says, "Why, I've been looking for my son and can't find him. Tell me about yourself."

"Well, my father was a woodcarver."

The old man says, "I used to be a woodcarver."

"I was born by a miraculous birth."

The old man says, "MY son was born by a miraculous birth."

"I died and came back to life again.."

The old man exclaims, "Why MY son died and came back to life again!"

Jesus peers up at the old man and asks, "Joseph?"

The old man peers down at Jesus and asks, "Pinocchio?"

i love this one! lol
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Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were Faithful wives, however, they were over- enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pe, so they stopped in the cemetery. One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend, however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to do that. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.

After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home. The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst.. my wife came home with no panties!!"

That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her a*ss that said.....
"From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you."

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a nun, a priest, a rabbi, the devil, 3 cheerleaders, george bush, bill clinton, hilary duff, clay aiken, my mom, a turtle, and a duck walk into a bar.

the bartender sees them and goes "what is this, a joke?"

i dont even know why i laughed at this one... lol

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how do you make a tissue dance?

put a lil boogie in it

haha, cheese.

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A guy walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm, his wife is lying in bed reading. The guy says, "This is the pig I have sex with whenever you've got a headache."

His wife replies, "I think you'll find, that is a sheep."

The guy replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

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whats the difference between your mom and a rhino?

one has a big mouth and fat ass, and the other lives in the wild.

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whats worse than eating an apple with a worm in it?

getting stabbed.

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The worm one, and the Jesus joke were the best.

 

i liked the sheep one best. i LOL'd. well not really but u know

 

A man walks into a pub.
He is an alcoholic whose drinking problem is destroying his family.

Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?
She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem.

What do you call a cat with no tail?
A bobcat.

Why do undertakers wear ties?
Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.

How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb?
One.

Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.

Two men are sitting in a pub. One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.'
The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitue to subsidise her drug habit.'

Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.

Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated area.

 

What's red and invisible?


No tomatoes!

 

whats long hard and full of semen?


a submarine....

 

Why did the plane crash?

Because the pilot was a piece of toast.

 

I was really high on shrooms once, I think i started to annoy my friends well after our peak.
I knew I was still lit, he was WAY more stoned than me. He told me it was time for bed.

After lying there for about 30 minutes empty minded , i suddenly realized. "I cant sleep!"

and laughed uncontrollably for the next hour or so.
The laughter was not the harsh I want to stop laughing but a quiet shaking which tickled my stomach long after it was not funny that I was lying in bed doing nothing on mushrooms.