Sex Story : .as.the.sky.cries.

Elegua laid on the ground with her wrists bound together with rope. Her eyes were covered with a blindfold ,her long curly brown hair covering her face and she felt like she hadn't bathed in a week. She was wearing torn up blue jeans ,red converses and a long sleeved black shirt. ​

Elegua felt the earth below her and it was smooth, flat and cold. She could hear people chanting Latin and beating drums. She sat up and tore off her blindfold. She found herself in a small clearing in the middle of the forest. Around her, people half naked in animal skins and were covered in all sorts of paints and designs were dancing around a bon fire and beating drums and screaming Latin out to the others. Elegua was sitting on a large stone slab that had been placed within an incredibly large tree's alcove.

"No." Elegua whispered to herself. She realized she was on an alter and she felt her heart drop. ​

A woman with curly dirty blonde hair to about the middle of her thigh began to start walking up toward the alter from the fire. She was barefoot and wearing an animal skin skirt with tons of silver jewelry. She was wearing an old school leather bra and she had one very large tattoo coming out from under her bra, down her rib cage and down into a place Elegua didn't want to know about. The woman had scary, bright purple eyes and was barely blinking. On the side of her skirt was a jagged knife with a pentagram on the handle.​

Elegua was frozen to the stone slab. As the woman walked up with ease toward her, she began to upt her hair up in an odd manner. She took her long and skinny fingers and ran them up Elegua's arm and then placed her hand on her forehead and slowly pushed her back down onto the stone.​

"What the hell is going on?" Elegua asked.
"Shh, darling." the woman said placing her long skinny pointer finger over her mouth. "Your with Kabala now, your time here is going to be well loved." she smiled.
"Are you going to sacrifice me?!" She asked squirming.
"We do what we have to in order to survive, Child."
"What are you talking about?!" she yelled.
"I'm talking about your new becoming allowing our crops to grow and life in this community flourish." she said smiling and clasping her hands together.
"My 'new becoming'? Don't you mean you killing me?"
"Call it as you please, either way, your life ends for the Gods to bless the land with crops."​

She began to walk away and down to the fire. Another person came up to her to make sure she didn't try to run for it. Super. She thought. I'm going to be killed by a bunch of psychotic pagan cannibals. The man now watching her was tall with brown hair to about the bottom of his ears. He had a six back and sex muscles that ran all the way down to his animal skin cloth barely around his hips. He had a spear in his hands and had his eyes on her. Kabala was now standing on a small platform near the fire and was screaming for everyone's attention.​

"My people!" She yelled as they all got quiet. "Tonight we give the Gods what they feed on! Shall we give them the life of a virgin?!" Elegua threw her hands over her face in embarrassment. The crowd yelled no. "Then we shall give them the life of a heathen!" She yelled. "Begin the ceremony!"​

The man who had the spear handed it off to another man. A woman with red hair helped the brunette man, untie Elegua. She grabbed her wrists and sat up. The man pushed her back down and the red head grabbed a roll of rope. The man sat on top of Elegua, and he wasn't wearing any boxers. It had gotten a lot more awkward than it was.​

The red head tied both of her wrists to the tree and did the same with her ankles. The man got off of her and Kabala somehow was standing next to him. He began to walk away, but she grabbed his arm and pulled him into a kiss. She tore off his animal skin and everyone but Elegua acted like that had not just happened. Kabala looked into his eyes ,pointed to Elegua and
whispered:​

"Jaque, you are to do this."​

He nodded and starred into Kabala's eyes as she handed him her jagged knife. He walked over to Elegua and cut all of her clothing off of her. She was completely naked and everyone was quiet and starring up at her naked body. Jaque got up on top of her and thrusted into her. She gasped and he thrusted again. He kissed all the way up from her navel to her mouth and she kissed him back as he thrusted. She tried to grab his neck to pull him into a kiss but her hands were bound.​

He thrusted again and her body arched. Her adrenaline was rushing and she ripped the ropes from where her hands were tied. He thrusted into her and she grabbed his neck and kissed him. He moved his hands from her hips to her upper back and neck. He grabbed the knife off the ground and cut her ankles free. She threw her legs around his lower back and she bit his neck and dug her nails into his back.​

He picked her up and threw her against the tree and she moaned. He bit her chest and she began to bleed but she didn't care. He then threw her down to the stone slab and thrusted hard enough for her to scream. She slapped him and he bit her neck and she was bleeding more. He then bit her on both sides of her ribs. He leaned up and smiled down at her, his mouth was covered in blood and he had two sharp fangs starring back at her.​

She honestly didn't care right then. She was already going to die and the sex was going great so she pulled him down into a kiss and he bit her shoulder. He grabbed the knife again and cut her stomach with it. She screamed with pain and he flipped her onto her stomach and started having sex with her again. He bit her hard in the back and sucked a large amount of blood out of her.​

She was nearly out of breath and was feeling dizzy. He bit a few more times on her back and let the blood flow from out of the wounds. He put her back onto her back and he grabbed around her neck and kissed her over and over and over again as he thrusted into her and moaned in her ear. She started to push her pelvis back and they be came in tune with one another's movements.​

They became a tangled sex mess. One of her own legs were between her and him, the other was wrapped around his lower back. His arms were around her and hers were on his neck. They were kissing like crazy and her heart was beating faster than ever before. Her blood was pumping faster out of the bit wounds and cut. He kissed her once more and whispered in her ear, gasping it between his thrusts:​

"Taste the nectar of the Gods."​

He then bit her again and she couldn't hold onto life anymore. She fell beneath him ,her eyes open and her blood flowed freely from all over her body. Jaque picked up the knife again, and as he was still inside fo her, he stabbed the knife into her chest and she screeched with pain and of death. ​

He thrusted into her again and then cut again to find her heart. The crunch and breaking of the rib cage could be heard all the way to the fire. He pulled out her heart and held it above his head, blood dripping down his arms and onto his head. Kabala walked over with a decorative bowl and he placed the heart inside of it. She held it above her head and walked with it over to the left side of the tree and tore a leave off of it and crumpled it into the bowl on top of the heart.​

Elegua was dead but Jaque was still on and in her. Kabala looked over to him and then walked over with the bowl. Jaque began to thrust more rapidly and harder into Elegua's dead body. Kabala held the bowl in front of her at the side of the stone slab and Jaque, covered in blood, pulled out of Elegua and then released himself into the bowl.​

Once finished Jaque took the knife and cut off one of Elegua's fingers and placed it into the bowl. Kabala then walked down to the fire that was now just embers and screamed:​

"Gods! Take our sacrifice and enjoy it, but in return, grant our field love and children!"
"Raksha!" the others yelled tearing off their clothes.​

All the men formed a line up to the alter and one by one they each had sex with Elegua's lifeless, bloody body. Each of the women formed a circle around the embers and passed the bowl to one another until it came back to Kabala. She screamed her love for the Gods and then threw it into the fire where it burst into flames.​

The men started to make their way to the embers, covered in the blood of Elegua. Each grabbed one woman and reenacted Jaque and Elegua's encounter. Kabala and Jaque found themselves having sex a top Elegua's body on the alter reenacting the same thing as the people below were doing.​

 

well... thats intense as hell

 

Since this is the Writer's Forum, what type of replies are you looking for?

Was the storyline good? Yeah, it was. It can use a little work.
Was there inconsistencies in the story? Yeah, there was.
Was the grammar good? Pretty good, but can use some work.

All in all you did well. If your looking for some help to make it a cleaner read, I'll be glad to help you out.

 

your shit is perfect, fuck this dude... (respectfully, no offense)

 

Yeah, I'm a pretty horrible writer when it comes to a story line and grammer

 

I think you did a great job writing this. I didn't mean to come across as rude. That wasn't my intention at all. I just mistakenly thought you wanted your story critiqued for any errors or ideas. I hope you will forgive me.

 

oh goddess no. Sugar ,your fine, I try to get as much critiquking as i can

 

The storyline is gold. It pulls people in, and leaves them wondering... nothing wrong there. This beats all of those posters who write stories about nothing that always seem to begin with someone waking up/smoking a cigarette... this is hardcore pulpy B movie stuff, and it could easily be one of those rape/torture/revenge stories like 'I Spit on Your Grave' if you gave your heroine a chance to get as much. To tell the truth, the way you drop people right into the shit and don't let up is pretty engaging in a repulsive way.

The only problem I have is with the descriptions of elegua's fear, etc... I think this would work a lot better if you kept your sentences razor-sharp and simple-- we already know that she is scared and has nothing to lose, you don't need cliched descriptions like 'her heart dropped'... it would be best if you focused only on the action.

Also, I laughed out loud at the part where she 'threw her hands over her face in embarrassment'... that was hilarious!! This story is classic cult B-movie exploitation bliss... if I were you, I would definitely keep writing stuff like this-- there's an audience for it, and you definitely have the right kind of twisted imagination to keep churning it out.

 

Well thank you.
I attempt.
Sex stories are really all I'm good at writing, so I try my best. lol.

 

I dated a vampire last night. She wasn't much to look at, but she had a nice box.