I have decided.

A man might die, and your posting your 5,000th post!

That's terrible so it is.

 

Bring it on! Fuck those media bastards, they exploit shit like that every day and are scummy excuses for human beings, who are they to judge us?

 

well its after christmas, I wonder if this kid is dead yet or if I was right about him bitching out

 

Something bad happens, and then something good.
It's the way of the world dude..

 

if that really was true, thats really sad. but unless the person posts again, i dont think we will ever know.....

 

'sad' as in I'm mightily pathetic, or 'sad' as in you have sympathy for me?

Anyways, after a series of family gatherings this holiday I have grown a belief that I would feel mighty guilty and shameful if I killed myself (even after death, my spirit would go on dwelling in shame I believe). Just the idea of the shame I'd be upon my family if I killed myself is making me not want to do it.

But the original dilemma still remains. I hate myself. Deeply. And I'm insecure, in more ways then one. I'm insecure about my future, I'm insecure around people. I'm shy, shamed, and not confident. This was highlighted during my family gatherings. I was like a sitting lump of feces. I said nothing. I had no use. I had no point in being there. I should have been dead.

But my family expects me to go to college and the are hell bent on going to my high school grad. That's one reason that I say it would be mean to kill myself. Hit them with something they never could see coming.

There's only three options that remain. Either I go on living my life in inevitable misery and face great fears, kill myself, OR run away.

I would run away to New York. Live as a bum in some run-down slum. Live off of garbage and food dump out at the back of Dunkin Donuts. I'd have to evade people who find it fun to beat up bums, but oh well--I'd deserve it anyways. I'd always have the free public domain of the library where I could increase my knowledge and writing skills to the point that I could become a successful author and not have to be a bum anymore (sound naive?, well, believe me it can happen[look up Tyler Perry])

Oh yeah, there's the other option as well. I'd have a hitman kill me. Of course, I haven't got the cash to pay off a hitman. Here lies the ingenuity though--the hitman will be killing me, THE MAN WHO SHOULD BE PAYING HIM

Killing myself is still on the table.

 

This is not a bum-friendly town. I'd suggest San Francisco.

 

Do it, fagget.

 

Life is pretty ordinary and futile unless you have some nice, colourful beliefs to cling to to. Suicide is a very valid choice.

By the way, as for your three options, I would try the first, but try to mix some shit up in it...go fuck some prostitutes, get into fights, go into town and talk to bums, take drugs...live out your own "catcher in the rye". Face your fears and try and get something out of the life you have now. Running away kind of sucks sometimes and is unfulfilling, unless you think you're going to lose it.

 

*chuckle*

You have to mean it, man. Really rally me into doing it. Tell me how I'm the scum of the earth and how no one would care if I died.

 

well, after reading that, it is more pathetic, self-absorbed, and not a single reason in your whole spills to why there is a reason to end your life. as i quote you..

"There's only three options that remain. Either I go on living my life in inevitable misery and face great fears, kill myself, OR run away."

how old are you? 10? seriously. everyone goes through life with misery and face fears. thats life.

 

Fuck no, I bet that kind of shit turns you on.

No homo here, brah.

 

exactly.
Add the very over dramatic attenton seeking post to it and its just pathetic.
If you wanna kill yourself you would fucking do it, and don't go seeking lame attention on a message board for threatening it.
Ooo. I mean.
"I am so worried, so sad for you how rough it must be to be you don't do it, spare yourself and your family"
and all that sappy shit.

Srsly.
do the people that care about you a favor and deal with life...or yanno just don't and quit seeking attention for your inability to do so.

 

You'll face your fears one by one, just give yourself some time man you are young. I'm glad you thought about your family.. that is definitely a good reason not to kill yourself, even if it's the only one at the time.

I think you should go on a journey, somewhere warm. You do not want to be a bum in new york. Go to a place florida, or the caribbean, or south america. The bums in florida were really chill compared to up north, even though I saw one of them beating another bum in the face with a belt and huge buckle.

Anyway bro, you have your whole life in front of you and need to just give it some time. Youll gain confidence and all that, believe me. Lots of good things to come.

I'll leave you with this:

"Why should we be in such desperate haste to succeed, and in such desperate enterprises? If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away."
-Henry David Thoreau

 

I don't think he or she is an attention whore at all. I think they might be on to something.

As I said, life is very ordinary, and absurd, especially as you grow older and peel away more layers of deceit. I personally cling to it because there is always a bit of magic lying around. You have to decide whether its worth sticking around just for those small, magic moments.

 

TehDogster? Sweetie, the season just got to you ~ it does, sometimes.

You spoke of ending your life, and another poster suggested that you do that by CHANGING up your life. If you were willing to let it go, anyway, why not give someone else a chance to help you get on a path that will make you feel more worth for yourself? It's a lot easier when you have some help, that's for sure, and if you find someone else who wants to change their life, y'all could help each other!

Hope this helps in some small way! :cheers2:

 

Is this kid dead yet?

 

According to his profile, not as of 1:52 am this morning.

 

so much for an interesting diversion.

 

i was truly hoping so.

i even had my prayer candle out and everything