Someone write some interesting or funny shit

A black, a Jew, and an hispanic walk into a bar. Bartender says, "GET THE FUCK OUT."

 

A glass of anything, musketeer, sherry, blood mary, beer, brandy, gin. pretty PLEEASSE!!! You see the fix I'm in... Pretty PLLEEEASSE Folks!!! Anything will do...

H20?

A glass of H20?? OKAY!!! I'M GAME!!! WHAT'S THAT ANYWAY???

Water.

WATER?! FUNNY! THAT'S FUNNY FOLKS! BRAAAVVOOO! SUCK OUT OF MY ASS WITH A STRAW! YOU TRYING TO MAKE A FOOL OUTTA ME?? YOUR GRANDMA!

 

i like face eater, partly because he smells of sandalwood and limburger cheese [which is my favorite] but mostly because he makes a damn good spermomelet.

 

zilla just made me literally cry

 

come with me
my love
to the sea
the sea of love

I wanna tell ya
how much I love ya
but I'm drownin' in the
sea of love...

 

so i win? yeah?

 

YOU GOTTA BADGE!!!!

 

the d-21 drone is the most aerodynamic, declassified thing built by man.

 

wtf? why is my badge from the gerald ford museum? FACE!

 

I don't know who gerald food is. I just found it somewhere. Its like when you're drunk and you want a cheeseburger from mcdonalds. You don't really care where it came from at the time, just about the fact that you are drunk and want a cheeseburger.

 

38th president of these great united states

 

I don't like him

 

he was a chode.

beat the hell out of nixon i suppose..

 

"Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives". ~William Dement

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At any street corner the feeling of absurdity can strike any man in the face. (Camus)

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"Since that death exists, immediately the life is absurd" (Amalia Rodriguez)

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A cat has absolute emotional honesty: human beings, for one reason or another, may hide their feelings, but a cat does not. - Ernest Hemingway

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Sanity and Happiness are an impossible combination.
-Mark Twain