Ever done it? Used to do it? How did you stop? What did you do? Why do you think you did it? How do you feel about people doing it?
Did it once when I was about 13.. I was made to stand in a corner (in a children's home, not school!) for hours.. Started rubbing my wrists with my other thumb until it took layers of skin off and began bleeding quite heavily.. It was purely for attention.. And the thought of using a sharp instument has never crossed my mind... The attention-grabbing tactic DID'NT work.. And I hid the scars for years.
i did when i was about 14 to 16. i think it was partially an attention thing but i'm not sure because i'd always hide it... so... i dunno. i just liked having cuts. i wouldn't use blades because i didn't like the feeling so i'd use sharp scrapey things (mostly saftey pins) and repeat in the same spot at least untill it bled. i think it was because i was angsty and depressed and i'd sit in school feeling completely numb and yet a sort of rage but if i had a warm burning wound, i'd have some sort of feeling. it worked really well. i would hide it under these nylon arm warmer things i made and i ususally wore pants so the ones on my legs were hidden easily. now i feel dirty.
My boyfriend used to do it a couple of years ago, before I was with him (we were good friends at the time but I could tell it would turn into more than that). I knew that he was depressed; his family was (and still is) pretty messed up. He hates his stepdad and I think it was really getting to him. Luckily, although it has been getting him down again recently he hasn't gone back to self harm. As someone who has been emotinally attatched to a person who was a self harmer, it's a very difficult thing to go though. I was never sure when to bring it up as I was afraid that it would make him angry or upset, though I was desparate to talk to him about it. I remember spending hours in bed worried about him... I can see why people do it but I'm not sure I could ever bring myself to. I once scratched myself with a safety pin when I was feeling pretty down, but though almost instantly afterwards that it wouldn't solve anything.
I catch myself doing little htings from time to time... like when I'm stressed or really overly emotional, I bite my tongue. Hard. Or dig my nails into my palm. It's weird, because I don't conscious choose to do it, I only realize it afterwards. I did used to do a little bit of it... not cutting (pain wimp, actually drawing blood woulda hurt too much) but poking at myself, or hitting my head against hte wall just enough to hurt. Haven't chosen to do it in years now, it just sort of faded away, just the unconscious/unintended stuff still happens
The sensation of pain! I don't think of that as self harm, but tapping into another addiction.. In fact, with the things I do now, consciously, I make sure that it leaves no lasting scars or marks. And maybe that's what defines self harm as much as the need to cause pain. Oh, and punishing oneself...
I used to cut. When I was about 15 and full of angst. It lasted I dunno about a year or two. It was the dumbest thing I've ever done...or second dumbest. Either way, I stopped when I lost a boyfriend because of it. He found a cut on my wrist, and broke up with me...he couldn't handle it. It shook me up so much, that I did everything in my power to stop because I didn't want to continue losing people I loved. However...lol...the problem sort of blurred into a piercing obsession. I would constantly pierce things when I got upset, instead of cutting. But, now I'm over that too...I only pierce when I really want something done, and now I get it done professionally
For as long as i can remember when i was really destressed and wanted to cry iwould bit down on my hand or arm as hard as i could stand...and then when i was in 8th grade i started scratching my wrist when i got upset..i still do it...and it gets annoying because i wont even notice im doing it and then i look down and i have little pinprick blood all over my wrist...i know its nowhere near cutting..which is why i think i still do it
i was/am a cutter and cant say why others would or do ,,, i can say for me it was always an extreme pain issue,,, when i couldnt "fix" my pain in any other way,,, meditating, talking, writing,,, sports, education etcetc you name it i learned to associate blood lettin as my pain,,, thus by cutting i would invision it as my pain,,,, something i could actually see leaving my body which was more than any of the other methods could do....it was quite honestly a very spiritual thing to me,,,, i could cut,, watch it open up a bit (or a lot) and see the blood or pain ooze or flow out of my body,,,,, cleansing me in effect.... it wasnt something i did all the time,only extreme circumstances nor was it ever an attention thing... noone ever had a clue ,, it was not a suicide death wish thing... was not drug or alcohol induced or anything else,,,, like i said i cant explain the why fors with other people.... its a personal thing for each person ... i did however through time, discover tats and piercings and legality of self to have them,,, so instead found myself gravitating to that arena... not only could i express myself with the art work and piercings i could replace the blood pain letting practice with those.... and have more than a scar... piercings worked since i could pierce then close etc, etc,,,, tats became the posterboard,,,,, they all have specific meaning to me and my life,,,,, even a couple of my piercings have never been let to close nor will they ever.... i cant say that i have stopped cutting or piercing or tattooing,,,, its always an urge that i have within me,,, something i fight quite often with in order to "fit" in in society like a good lil puppet on my string... others have huge issues with any of it and dont or cant understand , nor can i expect them too... for my part i have gone on for the most part into my own journey of life and love of self and others,,, of self healing etc etc etc,,,, cant say that i do not cut everyonce in a while because i do,,,, however tis a better solution for myself than the medical RX / therapist route,,,, part of the very reason i began my ritualistic view of what i do... i would much rather have a small scar somewhere on MY body than have Drs, scripts n shrinks playing with MY body...
I've cut a few times in the past, but I have a habit of getting incredibly frustrated and beating the shit out of myself, like punching my arms or head as hard as I can, or smashing my head against walls (in my bedroom I have a hole in the wall which I covered with a picture so my dad wouldn't know, but we're renting the house, so I'm pretty worried about having to pay for damages... I also dented up the bathroom door pretty badly... I'm not sure why I do it, but the blunt pain is certainly better (for me, anyway) than cutting.
I have, and... I do, still. I also know why I do it. It is mostly because...... I want to be in control of when and how I feel pain. There's something comforting to that, ya know? In a world where people and circumstances and depression and disappointments and impossibilities and frustrations....... and everything else ...... so many things bringing so much pain, deep inside and hidden. ..... there is a comfort in being able to have some control over some pain for a change. I get a rush from the pain, it snaps me out of numbness, and I get relief from my aching heart. And I don't mind the scars. It's other people who are bothered by it. Oh, I guess it's ok for us to have pain and ugly disturbed emotions down on the inside... but dont dare show it on the outside! ... people just dont want to see it. lol. Yep yep ... rosy and happy... thats all anyone wants. ahhhhhh......... well... Anyways ... I find its usually better to keep fresh cuts out of sight, because I dont want people alarmed, it freaks them out. Im not seeking attention, and I dont want to hear their concerns, and I dont feel like going through all the explaining......... once the redness is gone a bit then I start wearing short sleeves again... And as for my scars, well, I wear them with pride. Some of them are markings of times in my life when I have been a survivor. I've been through alot. And I'm still here. And if I used cutting as a way to cope when nothing else helped... well, so what? The point is Im still here. As a counselor once told me "I'd rather you cut and be alive, than be suicidal..." Oh Papa Roach put it so well... "I tear my heart open, I sew myself shutMy weakness is that I care too muchOur scars remind us, that the past is real...I tear my heart open, just to feel..."
i did it about a year ago regularly. i was in a very lost and sad state of mind. to me, it was JUST flesh, it was JUST a body; a body and a flesh that seemed to cage a raging feeling of hurt and self-disgust. i would tear it up, because in a way, it let me release that rage, and kind of 'show' my body that my spirit was stronger than it. i know that sounds strange. since then ive learned to deal with things in other ways. not that they are any better, but they dont involve scizzors.
i used to cut with knives,razors and broken vodka bottles,always on the back of the arms.also i used to punch walls rather hard,there still are trails of pieces of skin on some of my walls and blood on my barn walls.my right fist is visibly stronger,i used to hit with it. now i feel bad about it. it was mainly a self-punishment thing,when i was feeling guilty of something (and i feel guilty of alot of things,for ex. i usually don't blame people who hurt me,i blame myself for not being able to prevent them from hurting me) and i couldn't do anything about it. i've quit hurting by starting smoking (tobacco).sometimes when the guilt and rage are unbearable,i go somewhere where nobody can hear me and i scream my anger at the universe and myself untill i lose my voice.
I'm glad to see so many honest people. There is a form of healing that comes through being open and having acceptance of self ... Also, it helps to know that we arent alone, so, by sharing these hidden things with others... it helps you, and it helps others start opening up, too. Peace to you all...
I've never cut myself but I've done really weird stuff like push my fists into my cheek or shoulder bones or dig my nails into my hands, just when I feel over loaded or emotional numb and I just want to feel something. I have a weird history too of either trying to gain weight or lose weight so men won't find me sexually desirable. It's weird the things we do to ourselves. I mean I would call the police on somone who treated me like I used to treat myself.
that's so true... I mean, I'm so hard on myself about some things, but if someone says something that's critical of my life, even in a light-hearted manner, I don't handle it very well. I can be hard on myself, other folks should just like me for who I am and not hassle me about how I destress or my likes/dislikess
I cut for a couple of years, almost daily. I never did it for attention though. Only my boyfriend ever knew about it because i did it where people couldnt see. I thought I'd never be able to stop but now I have, and I feel quite confident I'm not going to fall back into it again. It took ages to finally stop, often I'd just try really hard to put off the urges until they grew too big and i ended up doing it worse than i had intended to in the first place. Its so hard to say exactly how I did in the end, but I think I just realised how important it is to look after yourself in this world, and if you don't do it, who will?I reallly wanted to be independent and someone i could be proud of, instead of being a liability to myself. And i felt pretty strongly about not wanting too many scars. Thankfully most of them healed but i still have a couple of quite deep ones and several very faint ones. When I see other people with scars, I can't help but recoil in shock, almost forgetting that I used to do it too...although even at the time I was always in denial about how bad i was and found other people's cutting much more of a cause for concern. If anyone wants to chat about it don't hestiate to pm me. love to all, and take care of yourselves.
this is realli interesting to read.my sister used to do it and it made me so sad.she doesn't anymore but still,anytime she gets down it's in the back of my mind that she could again.tbh,it has crossed my mind but it would never come natural to me to go get a razor or whatever and cut my wrists.spose it is for some people though.
I used to cut but i wouldnt say i am completely over it, every now and then i get the urge to start again! To begin with i didnt know what i was doing, i was probably about 10 or 11 and i would scratch my self over and over in the same place when i was nervous or angry or sometimes just bored. It wasnt until i was in my early teens that i learned the term self-harm and realised that i was doing it. Unfortunately once i found out about self-harm properly it opened up a whole new way of harming myself which was a lot worse than just my scratching, i used scissors or razor blades, anything that i thought wouldnt be missed for a while. I would say that now i am more in control of my thoughts about it but i dont think that addiction ever will really go away for good!
Yeah, quite a lot, I'm 16 (and a half) now and I was very depressed from about tha age of 13 to about when I was 15 and a half, and I self harmed through pretty much all of that. It wasn't for attention, I did try to keep it secret. My Dad found out though, and booked me in for some therapy, and with a mix of that and will power, I haven't done it at all for probably nearly a year now.
