this is the third time i've posted this

but i dont care. i just remembered this forum, i'll probly get quick help here...


I'm still having problems with my parents. And it's kind of a long story, I appreciate any comments or advice.

My ex boyfriend came over last night. All he did was sit on the porch with me to share a taco bell and talk, and my idiot brother told my parents that he was with me outside. I don't understand why, but they still hate him...so my dad came out and told him to leave his property. Well, we did, we went up the street and hung out by his car for a little while. My brother, I guess trying to be a bad ass, hung out by the window and just watched us up by the car. He actually thought we were gonna do something to his car, so that's why he was watching us. Well, since he was acting so stupid, me and my ex just started messing around with him, like waving to him and pretending to look at his car and whisper things...eventually he came up to the street and told me my dad wanted me in the house. My ex wanted to talk to him, to try and find out why he had a problem with him. My brother wouldn't even go near him, I think he's afraid of him. So I agreed to go in the house, said goodbye to my ex and went in to talk to my parents...hopefully to talk some sense into them. I came to find out it's just never gonna happen. They don't want me near this guy SO MUCH that they will just kick me out of the house...just for being friends with him.

The way they acted last night was just RIDICULOUS...and I told them that. It made them more mad...my dad just kept yelling, and hitting things...starting to get violent. My brother (for reasons still unknown) was also talking to me like a jerk, calling me a whore, tramp, bitch...everything there is to call me. Just to mess around some more, and maybe to show that they're really overreacting, I turned on some music and started headbanging while my brother was busy yelling at me calling me names, and he comes over and pushed me against the wall, arm over my throat, and punches me in the head. I just look at him and laugh, so he leaves. My dad comes back, automatically thinks I did something HORRIBLE (??? I was just listening to music and dancing around) and gets violent, starts hitting things, hits my head, yells and then without even listening to me at all just leaves. Well, I wished him goodnight anyway...I was in too good a mood to argue and be pissed off. My mom came to my room and talked to me about my ex, and how she hated him and doesn't want me around him EVER. I simply tell her that it's just not gonna happen, I"m still gonna be friends and still hang out with him. She has nothing reasonable to say, so she left and went back to bed.

The whole time, I kept calm, never got an attitude, never rose my voice to anyone, never fucking took a swing at anyone, and basically kept cool. While everyone is freaking out for no reason at all! I honestly don't see anything wrong with having a friend come over for a little while, and not even in the house! My parents just hate him so much and it 's stupid to hate so much to resort to kicking me out on the street, just to prove their point. My parents are such closed-minded, violent, IDIOTS. Why would anyone act like this...it's just stupid, there is no other words to describe how RETARDED they are acting. I'm honestly afraid that my ex won't be friends with me anymore because of my parents. I'm beginning to think that I've caused too much pain in my house, and that I SHOULD just leave. But I have nowhere to stay for long. I'm sick of having to fight my parents everytime I want to see a friend...they're being SO dumb.

I have a car, which used to belong to my brother, but now my parents are gonna make me pay for it. So once I get the money for the car, I'm really considering just leaving. I could stay at friends houses, work, and just save money until I can get a place of my own. I don't want to live under my parents and their stupid 'rules' anymore. You can't talk to these people, they refuse to have a civilized, open-minded conversation. So fuck them, I need to get out of here. I can't put up with this shit anymore, and I'm not going to stop being friends with this guy, we care about each other too much to never see each other again just because my parents hate him, for some stupid reasons at that..they barely even know him, because they refuse to talk to him. So if anyone has advice for me, about going to live away from my home...Like where I could go and how I'm going to afford certain things. I've got a few friends that have told me in the past that I'm welcome to stay at their house, but I doubt it would be for very long. So I may just switch around until I can pay for a place of my own. Any help is appreciated, thanks for reading.

 

I think the problem with the ex boyfriend is just an aside to your real problem. You need to get the fuck out of that house. Is your brother older than you (at least 18)? If so, you should have called the police.

Get the hell out of that abusive environment. Go to a battered women's shelter if you have nowhere else. That is just wrong.

That could make sense if the exboyfriend reminds her of your father at that age...

That is the wrong way to think. The pain caused is not your fault. You are not the one violently assaulting another member of your family. They are responsible for this pain. GET OUT NOW!!!

Even if you choose to stay at friends' houses, go to a local battered women's shelter or social work office. Explain your situation -- the friend issue is irrelevant here, the physical assualt is what matters. They will probably be able to help you at least somewhat -- help you get food stamps if nothing else. It's worth a try & the worst they can do is say that they can't help you...

 

I think these kinds of things are horrible...for parents to kick kids out. I have so been there. Not for the same reasons but anyways....here's what you gotta do because basicly life is just kicking you in the ass. Themore you fight it the more your gonna get kicked from now on. You have to show yourself who's in charge of you. Your right get yoru own place..roomate get a job and welcome to life without parents. It's a great place. You have freedoms like never before and yo ulearn a lot about life, about them, and about you out on your own. Get a job, make a budget, and do whatever else you do but be independant and be smart. You are budding and growing away and it's hard for parents to accept sometimes that you have a life that does not include their input. It will all smooth over once they see youar eon yoru feet. Because this isn't just a transition for you..it's a transition for your parents that YOU are not going to be under their wing. Notice the transition for both of you. And hopefully you won't be offended by their anger. Just keep moving along and soon this will all pass. It gose by so fast.

 

it's so ridiculous when parents threaten to kick out their kids, because their kid is hanging out with someone they dont approve of. more likely than not, the kid's gonna leave anyway, and just spend a lot more time than before with that other person.

i agree with dawn_sky.. it's definitely time to get out of that house.
and yes, like she said, if your brothers over 18, call the cops on him. if he's under 18, you could call child protection services.

i think, since you're 18, you could technically call the cops on your parents, too. a friend of mine was recently (physically) attacked by his dad, and when he tried to defend himself and get away, his dad called the police, twisted the situation around, and pressed charges against his son. your situation reminds me a little of what happened to that kid recently. there's no reason you can't file legitimate legal claims against your dad. i know it might sound a little extreme to call the cops on your parents, or more specifically, your dad, but it's probably the best thing to do. i mean, if he'll punch you in the head, i assume that he wouldn't think twice about punching your mom or your brother in the head, either.

at the very least though, get out of there.. and good luck with the job hunt!

 

if there is no proof of abuse the cops will do nothing.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I hope you can figure something out. You can come stay with me here in Kentucky if you can tolerate the rednecks. lol PM me if you want to talk. And I'm serious about the staying with me for a while thing.

 

You are 18. Are you still in school? Unless you are still in school, there really is no reason for you to be living with your parents.

Start planning. Keep it cool. Respect their rules, it is THEIR house, after all. Meet the friends at another location, don't purposely cause dissention. And, since you are 18 now, they legally can kick you out on the street. Be mindful of this.

Get a job and start saving money. Make as much as you can, as fast as you can, within legal means. Lots of apartment complexes run specials, where you can move in with very little money up front. Find a friend that you can live with, that has a job and is at least as responsible as you are. Perhaps they can be your roommate, if you need it.

I would absolutely say that it is time for you to move. This is normal. Well, violence is not, but the dissention is. There is a reason why kids don't live with their parents all their lives...

If you are still in school... That's a tough situation. But, the fact remains, you are an adult living under their roof. You do need to abide by their rules, while you're there, at least.

 

that's a good point... but if you're planning on calling the cops, you can make sure to have proof before you call them. photograph the bruises they leave, for example. if they've ever hit you in front of one of your friends, your friend could make a witness statement. this could be a bit extreme, although i don't know your whole situation, but if they've done anything in the past that caused you to go to the hospital (broken limbs, etc) you could use probably use the medical report as well.

 

Get the fuck out of there. You don't need that shit. Ditto to what everyone has said.

 

i would seriuosly consider moving out and getting my own place....i still dont understand why so much violence towards you...anyways, in your situation, i'd get my own place not before trying to talk some sense into them (again)...if it's still the same, well fuck it. just leave.

 

Sometimes when there is violence there is a whole story behind it that is long and unposted here. Honestly if you have the choice to leave it would be more reccomended then staying and having to call the cops. You have the option. It would be nice if you could get your family some anger management instead of calling cops on them bus sometimes if it boils down to that you must do whatever it takes. Moving though will relieve a ton of stress on you all since you won't be living with weach other

 

your parents sound crazy- my parents are crazy too- this kind of environment can eat on you and make you wonder if its you and question yourself- i dont know if your the type of person who tries to please everynoe and hates being yelled at- but i am- and this kind of situation just sucks- dont do anything rash that may hurt you in the longrun but if you can stick it out any longer then do that but if i was you and i had the means i would probably leave. i volunteered at a battered womens shelter this summer and i know most of them wont admit you. there are too many beat up, knocked up, dying ladies, w/ crack babies that are in severe need of help befoe they help someone run away from their parents. do you know of any friends you could live with? what ab your boyfriend? sometimes all parents go crazy for a night ab issues that dont make sense to the kids- but if this happens often and you cant please them andit doesnt make sense to you and you dont think you can ahndle it anymore then i think you should help yourself before you start feeling so helpless you dont have the willpower to do anything anymore. dont let them make you feel bad ab yourself either. its not you. hope i helped and that it all made snese- good luck!