I'm new to this site, well new to this all of this actually. I'm 29 years old and have been in a relationship with my BF for about 8 years. Up until very recently I have only been with men and would never have even considered being with another woman. I got a new job about 5 months ago and quickly became very close friends with one of the girls that I work with. We have been hanging out a lot, mostly at bars. We were out at a bar the other night and after having a few too many started making out and continued to several times that night. We started messing around again in the car when she dropped me off and ended up masturbating each other. Needless to say I'm pretty confused by what happened, she has kissed other girls in the past but that's as far as she's ever gone. The next day she didn't remember much of what happened, she was a little shocked when I told her but seemed okay with it otherwise. I don't know if it should happen because I really don't want to ruin the friendship and we are both in relationships with men. I just don't understand how I could all of a sudden do something like this and honestly wouldn't mind doing it again under different circumstances. I've read a lot of the posts on here and know that a lot of you have had similar experiences so I guess I'm really just looking for some advice and feedback. My other question is if what we did is considered having sex, I'm a little unsure of how to categorize what happened. Any advice anyone could give me would be a big help right now, I don't think I've ever been this confused in my life.
Hmm, I'm not a girl so I don't know, depends on what you consider sex. Well, you kind of did break the bond between you and your boyfriend by going behind his back like that but hey, you two were horny obviously and acted on those feelings. I don't know what to tell ya, if you like being with your boyfriend then STAY WITH HIM but if you think he doesn't have then forget it. Also if there is any chance that you might have feelings for this person, make sure they are worth throwing away 8 years over.
In such a situation, there are many if's and maybe's- but the one definite thing is that you're going to need to communicate with your boyfriend, very very clearly and honestly, especially if youve been together for 8 years. our sexualities are very complex things and no one has to be 100 percent straight or gay- although it's understable that you would rather have a fixed answer to what your sexuality is. What's more important is this- are you happy in your current relationship? Because if you are, then the sexuality question shouldn't matter as much, because if you are bisexual, then you still are dating a guy and if you're happy in the relationship then knowing that you're bisexual shouldnt suddenly make you want to have a relationship with a girl. I mean I guess maybe you would then want to be able to test the waters more with women so you know more of what you want, but it really all depends on how you feel about your current relationship. I'd say the best case scenario would be that you explain to your boyfirned the situation, and if you desire to continue experimenting with women, maybe he'll be understanding and let you. I know that sounds weird. but I dont know exactly how you're feeling. im sorry i kind of feel thati was more confusing than helping, but my main point is that you shouldn't ignore the question of your sexuality, but you also shouldn't feel the need to have a defined sure answer to it either. be up front with your boyfriend about what happened and tell him that you're unsure. If he's worth your time, which I'm sure he is if youve been with him so long, he'll atleast be willing to have a discussionw ith you about youre sexuality nad be understanding and willing to help you feel comfrotbale and understnad yourself, whatever that entails. theres no right or wrong in this situation aside from being completely honest with eachother and things will work themselves out.
In all likelihood, this was just one off. Yup, you must have cheated on your BF, if yours is committed and monogamous relationship. If not, you just acted on your impulses and that's fine.
