Ok, first things first. Got your Bibles? Good. Chunk'em! That's right. Everything you need to know you will be given in one short page so simple even a Kindy-gartener could grasp it. No exegetical thesis. No apologetic rhetoric. No "interpretations"...blah blah blah. With the LCV Bible you will have Christianity memorized in minutes...just at your fingertips. HERE'S A SNEAK PEEK: LIBERTINE 1:1 God himself created man and woman and placed them in a garden, in "his own image", but got righteously angry at them when they ate, against his wish, and after being tempted by a talking serpent that god himself had somehow allowed to slither about in the garden, a tasty, beautiful fruit, though he himself had placed it there but neglected to instill in his creations the knowledge of good and evil so that they would know it was wrong to eat it. Being omniscient, of course, he knew all this before he started, but was apparently unable to do anything about it because he had planned it this way from the beginning, and apparently god cannot change anything he already knows, in spite of the fact that he's omnipotent, omniscient and omnibenevolent. 1:2 Later, God himself impregnated a virgin so that he himself could be born a human, a ManGod. This was necessary, apparently, because only his own ManGod blood could appease himself and deliver humans, who he created, and who he knew would muck things up by eating the fruit, from his own righteous anger. 1:3 Of course, he waited several thousand years to implement this divine plan, in the meantime taking the righteous action of drowning every creature on the planet except a few he could stuff on a boat. Not to mention handing down a Law that served to further condemn every one of us, and in which Law he himself had them frequently sacrifice animals to appease himself, though he knew the blood of animals didn't really appease himself. 1:4 Much later, god, in a garden, prayed to himself to "take this cup" away from himself, though he himself knew that he himself had planned the coming events from the beginning and knew that not even he himself could save himself, even though he was god and omnipotent, omniscient, etc. Accepting this, he said, in effect, "Not my will, but my will." 1:5 God then sacrificed himself to himself to save us from himself. (or had himself sacrificed; not much of a distinction between the two, really) Before dying, he himself asked he himself why he had forsaken himself. 1:6 He himself, being dead, then raised himself from the dead less than 40 hours later, though he himself had said he'd be dead for three days and three nights, which he could do because he was still alive, and later he himself pulled himself up into heaven where he himself apparently already was, and where he himself is described as now sitting at the right hand of himself. 1:7 He himself then sent himself (or a ghost of himself, if you please) back to earth to be a comfort to us, though he himself is still sitting at the right hand of himself. 1:8 And, glory hallelujah, he himself promised that he himself will return someday, though he himself is already here, and will still be there, to snatch up those who believe the god blood sacrifice story he himself told us, and kill the rest of us who don't believe the god blood sacrifice story, no matter how nice we were otherwise. But, since killing us isn't enough to appease his righteousness, he himself will then judge us, though according to ManGod he himself will also not judge us, and being a god of love will cast most of us into hell for an eternity of suffering. He has to, of course, because he is a righteous, just god, and can't figure out a way to save anyone who hasn't been redeemed by god-blood, even though he is omniscient, omnipotent, and omnibenevolent, and loves us all. Oh well, shit. That's it! ORDER YOURS TODAY...
~ what happens when the zealots get a hold of a copy of the LCV and found a religion based on it? Holy Jesus Libertine! Pretty soon you'll find out about your immaculate conception. Or was that immaculate orgasm leading to conception?
I am assuming L standds for Libertine, and V stands for Version, but what does C stand for, Condensed?
yay, i get to be among the first responders to a libertine thread! ... shit, I don't have anything to say.
I love Ginzy. Yes, the LIBERTINE CONCISE VERSION is the only Bible a Christian needs. Well, that and a dumptruck load of blind faith and gullibility.
And the prophet Libertine brought forth upon the continent, this world, this universe...a NEW religion LIBERTIANTY will become the 3rd largest religion in the world by the year 3000.
I thought the Libertine Bible had a Creation myth that went In the beginning a supermolecule created itself. It exploded. By total coincidence a bowl of magic soup was sitting around when some magic pink lightning zapped it. The Bowl of Soup then just magically became intelligent and began to morph into billions of chickens, thousands of Brontosaurs and Libertine himself. Later the most complicated Soup Children invented a God-Finding Machine and magically scanned the entire Universe - hence proving that there was after all a Godless Universe. Later they invented a special holiday to celebrate their discovery - April 1st. The end. Amen. Thats what I heard anyways.
Now mate ~ in order for this LCV to be taken literally, what you'll need to do is concoct a bunch of mythical fabrications. I propose that such fabrications be submitted in similar wise to the many and varied xtian ecumenical councils. Of course LCV mythical fabrications should be contemporaneous with the times and built assumptions drawn from assertions that come about from second and third hand accounts or vivid imagination, such as ~ The man known as Libertine is/may be/ wants to be, sexually indulgent. This assertion then becomes the LCV religion myth ~ From the seed of Libertine the entire world was populated. Or He debated with the christians, but the christians denied him, and would hear him not. And the christians spoke ill of him, and plotted his downfall in secret.
HAHAHA Libertine, your always crackin' me up.... It amazes me that so many people beleive this book called "the bible" Its the biggest crock of shit !
SECOND LIBERTINE Chapter 2 2:24 And lo the Christians brought the prophet Libertine to a hillside and there they casteth him off into the the depths of the sea. Whereas, the prophet was said to have drowned...but he is still around. 2:25 He'll always be around and around and around...
LeVay was also a christian who even in the "good ole times" saw how hypocritcal the church was...Ironic really....Christians created one of there worst mortal enmies lol
