Frozen, the white snow covers the landscape, with my black coat, I wander under the darkened sky. frozen are my feet. ice cold is my heart. While i wade trough the tender snow. covering every last sorrow, as the world becomes distance, I fade, stumbing down in the dark night, as the moon sheds light, on my black coat.
I really like this. It reminds me of how some people get seasonal affect depression during the winter.
I like this, but I still wanted to play with the order. One thing that I did think needed to change, is the word frozen in the beginning... frozen landscape is completely a contrast with tender snow... one makes a crunch sound when you walk on it, the other does not. Also, there is a bit of confusion with subject/object: it sounds like the snow is taking your black coat and covering the landscape, and later it sounds like as you "wade" you are covering the sorrows. The contrast of the black coat and snow is good, just needs to be developed a little tighter. You always have good visuals in your poetry. I enjoy reading your work.
