i dont know what to do about my g-ma

unfortunately, as you get older, responsibility becomes an increasingly large part of life. it is unavoidable. best thing would be to learn to deal with it.

 

just wait til she dies and you'll feel like an asshole for making this thread

money isn't as important, trust me

live simple for a week and drive around less.

 

Jeez, its only five days. You'll live

And why does your brother give you money for watching your grandma ? Is he the one who's usually watching her ? If yes, then he really shouldn't give you any money. She's your grandma too and you can sacrifice 5 days for her

 

It's only a week. Take care of your grandma, go back to work next week. Tell your brother that you need money for gas, that you wouldnt be asking, but since you're not working enough hours you need to.

I was way younger than you and I took care of my grandma when she was sick at our house and my mom had to go out for whatever reason. What's it fun? No. Did I mind doing it? No. Was I qualified for the task? Hell No.

Sometimes we gotta be a little less selfish.

 

ouch, that last post hurt. One more thing to keep in consideration is, when she wipe my ass, i was very very tiny. if i fell down she could help me up. My grandma is bigger than me and when she faints into my arms, i go down with her. when she peed the bed its a bigger mess than i made. I would wipe a kids ass if i was there mother or grandma but being older is different than being young. I feel like a jack ass saying that, but its true. When my grandma dies, yes it will be very sad, but she wont be in pain that she is in now, and i can look at her in a different way. I never had a good relationship with my grandma but i still love and care very much for her. I want to help her as much as i can but this is making my financial situaton very difficult. She was wealthy when she could come over and not work and spend the whole day with her grandkids.

 

Exactly my thoughts, I just tried to be nice about it

 

im not a family person as you can see. And no my brother does not watch my grandma during the day. For five days he has a nurse for my grandma and then on weekends me and my brother and sister take turns watching her. Its only five days for this long, but its other weekends as well and other days extra if he has something going on.

 

It's not easy taking care of a grandma.
My mom didn't find it easy taking care of an old family friend who was dying... and she is older than you are...
So it's just normal not to find this easy...

 

Personally I have to disagree with all this "stop being so selfish".
Looking after someone else is a big responsibility and when that person it bigger than you it makes it ten times more difficult.
Also with the financial situation..

However, I think there's not much you can do but sit it out and talk to your brother about the money.

 

I chose to not work, and to stay at my parents house for almost a year just to take care of my dad, when he was living at home still. he has to be in a nursing home now, because he has MS and we were unable to take care of him anymore. hes crippled, so i would literally have to put something under him and drag him sometimes, and omg, the messes i cleaned up, i dont need to even gross you all with, but it was his decision at the end to go to a nursing home. and it was alot of scouting out the perfect one. theyre very nice. and hes very happy there. and they have these human fork lift type things to get him out of bed and move him. its tough. its very hard work caring for someone when you have to clean up their leavings, and everything. but i would do it again if i had to.

 

Nobody is saying is easy or that it isnt a big responsibility. But it's for a week and all she seems to be thinking about it's herself. She might feel bad, but maybe she should stop and think about how her grandma feels. Getting old and being unable to take care of yourself is a very sad thing, specially when even your own family wishes they wouldnt have to deal with you.

I believe I was 13 when my grandma was really sick. She kept being in and out of hospitals and since my mom didnt work, she always ended up in my house. I had to share a room with her and ok I didnt spend entire days taking care of her, but my mom sometimes had to go and run errands and do whatever and even when my mom was there, I always helped with whatever needed to be done. Of course I didnt have to worry about money because I had no bills to pay

 

None of my grandparents are ill or need help... And if my grandma in England was ill I would feel little sympathy for her. She's mean.

 

i told my brother what i felt when he came home and he called my ungrateful. so i responded with i dont want to be black mailed by you so he said he can take away my car and he said he wouldnt ask our family in italy if i can have some money my grandpa left for me to pay for my massage therapy school. So now i have to work even more to afford the first payment of school and go around asking for rides. If he is really going to do this to me, it might be better for me. Ill be paying for school all by myself and will maybe learn something vaulable.

its not all about cleaning after my grandma is also about seeing my grandma get that look in her eyes like death almost right before she faints, its also about how she cries and what she says when she cries. its really hard for me to hear all the stuff she says. Sometime i think it would be better if she was dead because then she would be able to go whereever she believes in after her death and feel no pain and be with her husband. when she sleeps she talks about my grandpa and yesterday she asked me if it was ok if she jumped off the table so she can die. Its way to emotional for me other than physcially hard. I dont want to watch her be like this. My older brother said he will find someone else anyway to watch her the next two days. Im a pussy, im a pansy, but this is not how i wish to spend time with my grandma. i choose to visit her once a week and she her happy and help her get to the dinner table to be with her family.

not that it matters anymore, i asked him today for some extra money for gas and whatnot and he said he was testing me to see how greedy i was. Hes like, oh it took you three days to ask me for money for watching your grandma. Why should i pay you for watching your grandma...blah blah shit.

 

Man I work full time starting at 4:30 am, then I come home and I take care of the animals, I also take care of my parents and my fiancee. I go grocery shopping for four people, I cook every day for four people.

Thats a drop in the bucket of what I do in a day, and thats 365 days a year. 5 days is nothing. I would kill for 5 days straight with my grandmother, in whatever state she was in.

People take advantage of the fact they have their family near them, I haven't seen any of my family since I was 17, they all live in england. Be greatful that you get to see your family at all.

 

That kinda made me teary.My granny just turned 94,and lives in a different state.I have not seen her since I was 17.I would love to spend 5 days with her.

 

What you guys don't seem to be getting through your heads is that Veroness just said when her grandma falls, she takes her down, too. That is not only bad for Veroness, it's bad her grandmother, too. Old people break bones EXTREMELY easily. Nursing homes may be lonely and too hospital-like or whatever, but they are equipped to handle the care of someone in a fragile state. My grandma asked me to move in to help her, and I was really considering it, but my parents wouldn't let me for that exact reason. Honestly, when I get to be old enough that I need help 24/7, I wouldn't want my family to do that. I'd want them to put me in a nursing home as well, because the idea of having any family members having to wipe my ass...I really couldn't stand for it.

 

I agree with you, but I also think that for the most part her posts make her sound like she's upset for the wrong reasons, money rather then health.

 

it would be hard not to feel quilty complaining about it... all i can say is have patience. its not convenient, but as some others have said that towards the end of your life you may be relying on others as your grandma is relying on you.

i do feel bad for helpless elderly people. but you didnt ask for this resposibility and it may be more than you can handle. just try to do your best to enjoy her company when you arent busy cleaning up after her.

 

This is the best answer. It's amazing how those responsibilities grow as you age. If you do this now, you will have learned valuable life skills. But as the poster above says, your grandma's health and safety should be the highest priority.

Some people can't afford to live in nursing homes, They have too much to qualify for financial aid, but have too little to pay the high price of nursing care.

 

Um...why is your older brother delegating this responsibility, doing fuck-all, and where are your parents in this?