Ok so i'm gonna post this here since my post in the relationships forum got all messed up. Me and this girl met at a party at my place almost 2 months ago. We had sex that night, and have had it a few separate times as well. Over the course of the last 2 months, we've hung out and she became extremely flirty and I sensed a relationship building. She always wanted to kiss me and even hold my hand at times. I wasn't quite sure how I felt about these advances because I didn't know if I wanted to begin another relationship. Eventually we got to a point last week where we decided we needed to talk and figure it out. She said she'd call Friday night, but never did claiming she forgot her phone at a friend's house. Anyway, Monday rolls around and she calls to tell me she's coming over. When she gets to my place she basically says that something happened over the weekend that she doesn't want to talk about, and thinks she needs time without a boyfriend. After she left I went to work out and decided that she needed to know how I felt. She told me to write her a message outlining my feelings. I told her that though I wasn't looking for a relationship, I thought that we should at least keep things going and see where it leads. Her response was that she wants to really settle down in the next relationship she has, and thinks an older guy would be better at it (she's 21, almost 22.. I'm 20, almost 21). After a few more messages she decides that she is trying too hard to find a certain guy, and that she is being to controlling. She also says that she thinks we should remain friends with the possibility of something down the road, just not anytime "soon," and she mentioned really enjoying hanging out with me. My question is mostly for the women: How do I a) get this girl to hang out a little more? and b) how do I get her to warm up to me as she was before her weekend incident? I just think there has to be a way to advance something with this girl due to our admitted crazy chemistry and the way we communicated and interacted.. Thanks everyone __________________
Haha it could be worse.. don't feel sorry there are plenty of other girls around, this one just sticks out above the crowd
Give her the space that she needs and she will probably come back to you, but if you keep on at her then chances are she'll reject you.
So just to give a follow up and hopefully some more responses.. The girl in question stopped over for awhile last night after not seeing each other for about 2 weeks (part of it was Thanksgiving break). It was extremely short notice, but I welcomed it nonetheless. When she got to my place, she immediately needed to use the bathroom, so I went to prepare some tea. She commented on how I once told here that I enjoyed her fashion sense saying “most guys don’t care about that,” is this a good thin? When she came downstairs, she pretty much immediately started kissing me in between snippets of conversation. This usually wouldn’t be shocking because it was a common occurrence before the whole thing blew up, but the fact that it was so sudden was odd (as were the subsequent make-outs whenever my roommates weren’t present). She remained flirtatious until she left after an hour or so, and I even kissed her goodbye, but without making any plans, maybe because she has a full weekend of school work coming up and I plan to party. I guess I just want some women on here to interpret this behavior. Usually I would consider myself very good at reading girls, but this one is sooo damn confusing to me. Any feedback would be awesome.
It may not be the case here, but I would consider the possibility that there is/was another guy involved with her (likely the older guy she mentioned earlier) she was busy with him for two weeks and something went wrong. She then comes running to you to make her feel pretty, desired, special etc and then leaves when her battery is charged. I would get to the bottom of it, because if this is the case,(I hope its not) then you don't want to be the guy at the end of the line that she reals back in, when and as she needs you. Hope it works out man.
I don't want to sound too ignorant, but I haven't really considered that possibility since I've had no reason to. I'm pretty confident that there isn't someone else. Now you've got me all paranoid though, so what would be the craftiest way to confront her about this without creating awkwardness/tension?
First let me say I'm very sorry for suggesting such a negative idea, I didn't mean to cause paranoia, only awareness of a potential danger. The best and healthiest method in my mind would be patient observation. Don't do anything different. Now that you are open to the possibility, if it is going on then you will see it. I feel like a pessimistic ass for suggesting it at all, I'm very sorry.
When you get short, concise advice from experienced women it is wise to take heed. Sarah and Katelyn both know what they are talking about. Mothman does too, but worrying never gained an inch on anything. Good luck!
