Maybe some people agree that I should spend the rest of my life suffering for the few bad things I have done. During the ages of 15-17 I molested three different girls. ages (7-11) I never used violence or fear or told them to never tell anyone or used threats. If I told these things to a therapist they would be obligated to tell the authorities and the confidentiality of therapy is void in this case. Now that I am 19 I feel I should take control of my life and my actions. I have decided I never want to put woman in situations they have been in my past. One of my first steps was to see a therapist. But just like the last two the whole session was freaking me out, and straining my nerves. I have always tried to deal with my problems with either not facing them or talking anonymously. It was hard to even look the therapist in the eyes. She convinced me (I didn't really want to) to have another session with a male therapist (I admitted to her I think part of me hates woman) For some reason I ended running to my ex (last time I went to a therapist we talked later and that was the only thing that settled my nerves) and again she helped me feel human. But the looming date, this coming Monday is constantly making me uneasy. Just talking about is making my heart shake and my fingers quiver. I am still going to go but it hard with pressing work load to keep both my eccentricities and work ethic under control. I want to recover and right now I am on edge and afraid I will make more mistakes to regret.
Haha. I've sat here and typed and deleted about seven different post and pretty much came to Ghost's conclusion: I'm going to loudly say nothing 'cause everything I want to say will probably get me banned.
I doubt you would get banned I been talking freely here for many years through many different parts of my life. Personally I doubt anything you would say could ever be as offensive because in the end they are just words.
First off - therapy is a joke and a waste of time. Regret and remorse come from the heart and soul of a person, not the mind. If you know you will never repeat these actions, just move on and make a conscious effort to be very kind and sensitive to all women you meet, regardless of their physical appearance. This will help you deal with your guilt. Enjoy life, man. It's too short, anyway.
if you feel you need therapy.. keep looking for a therapist you can trust! thats a big part of it. i don't know the law where you live, only the ones here. they require any therapist to report ONLY when someone has threatened to harm them self or others, or that they have already harmed others. if this is weighing heavy on your soul, you should get it out. there are reasons why you did what you did, reasons why you have realized it was bad and stopped too. maybe even writing it all down in a journal for your own private viewing could help you sort things out. if it's troubling you don't get discouraged, seek the help you need.
Firstly its a good move to admit you made a mistake. To express it shows that you are unlikely to repeat it. Keep moving in the right direction, that is all anyone can do. So few people have the courage to admit their faults, so this shows that you have the right stuff to get through this. Perhaps, (just a suggestion) a priest would be better able to help you than a therapist would. Whenever you feel ashamed, all you can do is redouble your efforts to help others. All others, men and animals too. There are many people who have done worse things than you. The more good you do from now on will make you feel much better at a later date. The best way to help yourself is to help others who are worse-off than you.
I guess I failed because I did not go. I am afraid of them, and the whole experience. I kind of want to make another appointment, but then I would have to get all worked up again. I have not told anyone except my ex that I had a small breakdown. Nothing feels worse than showing your ex want a loser you are becoming......day by day....I bet with every addiction it is always day by day.
I wonder if you have ever been molested? I think there is a lot of evidence that molesters have been molested and that it is a cycle. I commend you for having the courage to write what you wrote. I think it could be a step toward your healing.
Sometimes I really wish that I have some memory of being molested because it would explain everything and make me more of the victim. But it is just a symptom of a lifetime of being rejected, shunned, and denied. And All the anger that comes with it, all the hate towards everyone who is so happy, and the fact that when i was an adolescent all the women I knew were so mean, and in their own ways abandoned me, while my younger cousins were so sweet and affectionate. They gave me love that nobody else ever gave me. Now that I am older I know everything I have done is wrong, and I found and lost someone who really did care for me. Yet my old feelings and reflections bleed into all my actions, so now I have to deal with them. And I wish I can be this honest with a therapist but as far as I have seen abuse to minors and the handicapped has to reported and I am not ready for that. I am not ready to be looked at by my family as a failure and freak. I doubt I ever will. Therapist ask if their is something eminent. Their is always something eminent and I always stop it, but I have to tell them no because: I know, I hope I will stop it, and I am not ready to medicated or instituted for action I will most likely never even do.
I can understand not wanting to be medicated or institutionalized that's a biggy. What I know about this type of thing is that the person runs on automatic and cannot stop them self. Are you saying that because you were immature you were not able to stop yourself and now that you are older and more aware you will be able to stop yourself from offending again?
http://www.hipforums.com/newforums/showthread.php?t=336470 Sin sends out many mixed messages and he's got severe problems. Personally I'd take medication instead of running the risk of prison. There are certain trends in a person that do not go away or become controllable without a lot of work. Really read what he says. While he will say that he understands what he did is wrong, there are always excuses and justifications given. He wants help but no medication and therapy freaks him out, which would be understandable for anyone but when your problem is this big and if you really want to change you can't just shut down all the options right out of the gate. Maturity is recognizing what you have to do to make things right and doing it no matter the stress and struggle on yourself. Maturity is not letting a 14 year old sit on your lap and talking about what you would have done to her if you hadn't been 'cockblocked' and then getting confused that her sister is pissed and then being defensive about how you didn't follow through. There's just something missing in his thought process that he really, deep down, doesn't get what is wrong with his outlook. Sin - if you knew 100% for sure that medication would help you, would you take it?
First off in that other thread I had at least a 33% chance of sleeping with that girl if I wanted to , but in the end I choose to go to a different party. Help me...if it meant I could control who I was attached to. If it took away my own child like anger and self center outlook. Know also that this is only about 20% of my life. 80% everything generally goes unhindered. I guess it is like a class, if you succeed 70% of the time it is only average instead of the literal above average implied by 70%. If I do what is asked of me by the world the world goes on the same. I do not know I do not know where I end and it ends without the turmoil I might become complacent. End my own search to find shelter to explore. If the only gift I have is a curse I would rather control it than extinguish. I think if I really wanted to, with every part of me I could make it go away. I do not want to hurt anyone, but I have to stand up for myself. I know no one else will. I would take medication that truly made me attractive to women who are the legal age. that made me feel sexual attractive to an equal sexual relationship. I would keep the anger. I would stay in charge of my ego.
Can you guarantee that you would never offend again? If so you better sell your formula to others. Even one more offense is too much I hope you know that. I don't know about holding on to your anger and your self centered out look but if it drives you to offend then it has to go...
through my school it is free but winter break is coming so I am might try after break. I guess I am feeling better. I was little off two nights ago and kind of binged some food and then made myself vomit. I am not bulimic, as in I only done that like once before.
