Breaking the news to my parents

I decided to put this is the parenting forum because i figure that pretty much all of you have been in this position.

I am 99 percent sure (although havent gone to the doctor yet) that i am pregnant. I am 19 and unmarried, but I do have my own place. and I am prepared to accept my responsibilities.

However, I dont know how to tell my parents. I have somewhat of a unique situation, both my parents are older and in fragile health and I am always walking on eggshells trying not to upset them. That, and they always were adamant about me not having children until after college. But obviously I cant un-do this, so I need to find a way to make them feel okay about this, because I do. I need to make them realize that i can and will still get what i want out of life, it just may take a little longer now.

Any of you young mothers out there, how did you break the news, and how did your parents take it? any advice? i am really no good at this sort of thing.

 

I completely understand. I was 19 and had just recently got engaged, when I got pregnant and my parents always told me, "You gotta be at least 30," so I was a little nervous telling them. But everything went a lot better than I could have hoped for. My dad didn't get mad like I thought he would, he just told me Congratulations, are you ready for this? People are unpredictable and hopefully your parents will accept it and be happy, even if not right away.

 

My advice is make sure you are pregnant! Then you need to think of how to present it to your parents...

Honestly you might be surprised when you tell them. People are very unpredictable. I thought my fiance's mom was going to freak out... but she was happy.

What can your parents do? Be mad forever? Doubtful. Just be honest with them.

 

Actually, hiro it does happen. my friends father was very mad at her for getting pregnant wouldn't talk to her for the 9 months wouldn't support her and on top of that wouldn't hold the baby for 4 months after she was born. How sad is that .

 

Wow... people amaze me sometimes.

My theory is how can people be so judgmental of others and still hold that grudge.... ya know.

Explain your situation more so that I can give better advice...

 

thanks everyone.. this makes me feel slightly less nervous. after all, nobody stays mad forever right?

hiro - i do hope you can give some sort of advice. my dad is 80 years old, and needless to say VERY old fashioned. plus he would just die before even considering the fact that i have been having sex, even though i have been since i was 15. hes just that type of parent, he just doesnt want to know. my mother on the other hand, is highly supportive of me. i know they just want the best for me, and i know that both of them would see this as the end of my life and there would be no hope for me, which i know isnt true.

another issue i have is that as i said my father is old fashioned, he is also a bit racist. and the child i am expecting will be half-black. all i want is for them to accept this and embrace a new member of the family, despite how young i am and the color of my boyfriend. speaking of which... i havent even told him yet.

i realize that there is no real advice anyone can give me to make my parent accept this. all i can do is hope. but thanks everyone for being supportive

 

You should definitely verify your pregnancy then I would suggest that you tell your Mom first she will know the best way to break the news to your Dad. And if you can make a plan to continue your education and inject that plan into it that may be helpful. If you are pregnant, congratulations and good luck.

 

When I was in your situation, I went to my mom and said, "Mom, I need to talk to you." and she said, "You're pregnant?" She wasn't shocked, and was supportive.

I agree with the posters who said that there are other options for you if this is a bad time in your life to have children. Watch the movie Juno - it's pretty cool on how they handle the situation.

My husband and I have been wanting to adopt for years, and there are MANY other people who are praying for a baby. Consider giving the child a home with people who can't have one on their own. The demand for adoptive babies would amaze you.

Good luck!

 

thanks everyone, i am fully aware of my options.
my mind is made up about keeping my child, that isnt what my issue is. i really do appreciate the advice though.

 

I got pregnant at 19. I don't get on with my mother at all so I txted my dad and just said "You're gonna be a granddad."
I wouldn't suggest this for your situation though. I agree with telling your mum first and discussing with her the best way to bring it up with your dad. But find out for sure whether you're actually pregnant or not.
I hope everything goes well for you!

 

I'm a young mom too... I got pregnant when I'm 20 years old.. 2 months before for my graduation.. I didn't tell my mom at first but later I already told her the truth that I am pregnant... My mom understands... parents will get angry and be sad but I know they will accept the reality

 

Yeah, be sure! My brother thought his girlfriend was pregnant and told our dad... when it turned out she wasn't, I think it was worse than when he thought she was lol

I didn't even have to tell my mom, I was coming over to tell her, we walked in she took me aside and said "does Brad know?" ...it's freaky how she knew.
Brad came to tell my Dad too, even though he was afraid of him before we were even going out lol
It didn't go as bad as I though...there was an awkward silence though(...and if looks could kill, Brad would be dead lol)

 

I'm 19 and I just found out 3 days ago that my partners pregnant, she's 18. Told my mother the next day, would of told both my parents but i was freaking out a my dad wasn't there to hear it (he knows now). In the end its natural for parents to think that its a bad idea at first. almost every ones "Never" ready to care for a baby and thats where the fear of there children having there own comes in. In the end all you should need is to know if they will support your decision. Remember that if they freak out at first its only natural and they will probably settle down in a few days, try to talk about it as much as possible...I found that the more we talked the more progress was made.

Good luck, Peace

 

...to add, talking to her mother was allot harder but once you get past the glaze over there death stare and start talking about things properly, it usually works out.

I guess my point is to talk as much as possible, let them know your serious about your decision and that your ready to fight for it. oh.. Don't forget to show respect, goes a long way in these situations.

i could go on forever about how to deal with it but its still each to there own, do what you think is right and you'll come out on top.

Again, good luck.

peace.

 

thanks so much for the advice everyone! you guys are all so supportive and understanding.

fortunatley, i dodged a bullet. went to the doctor today, and im not pregnant! i just had an irregular period.. and i start bc tomorrow, i am so releived.