I just saw my ex-gf, and I'm still bawling like a baby. One and a half years later, and I'm still broken up about her. We were together for three and a half years. We never moved in together, but we know each other very, very well. My head tells me that we could not work for the long haul, but I gave her all of my heart, and I don't know if I am even capable of loving anyone else again. I had thought (stupidly) that I was mostly over her. How do I move on? How do I do that? I know everyone says time is the great healer, but it's been over a year and a half and I'm still broken-hearted. (And to those who think I'm not being manly enough about this, well... you know exactly what you can do!)
I'll be honest with you. You really never get over it. If you give yourself to someone whole heartedly and they reject your love. For me it never stops hurting. I met someone new, but because of what happened to me before its harder for me to give something I almost believe isn't there. Even saying I love you to someone is hard for me. I feel guilty for it, but its hard to forget what happens. I think its when you find someone who gives you back something you give them and they make you feel like the sun shines just for you, then thats when it gets easier. Do you love the next person any less? I don't think so I just think it becomes harder to express you love to them. Its gets easier with time. I had to completely sever ties with the person I was in love with to help myself move on. Tiffany
If someone else had made your post, how would you respond to her/him? Good luck! Om Tare Tuttare Ture Svāhā__________________ Sheryl Soft and tender, tough and hard .... Never touched a razor .... I shall love her always!
I'm still friends with an ex, and even though I would say it fades in time, I still our old relationship sometimes. You'll feel better each day, and at some point you'll be surprised at how little you think about it.
My experience is that turning off all thoughts of a sexual partner for a year or even more is best for me ... and I did it as a 4o+ man in college with many very young and willing female friends. Partied almost all the time with them and my male friends. It was 14-15 months before I was ready.
Sometimes the best way to do something is to not do it. By that I mean, if you are thinking about how much you have to get over her, you are only validating your thoughts of her further. When you give too much importance to the idea of getting over her, you are just fostering the importance that getting over her holds. Flame fueling flame. Don't think about it. Don't not think about it. Live your life.
That method is best for some but its not for me. I used to do it that way when I was a teenager Troll, but the ladies seemed to jump right onto the next dick standing in line and they got over things faster. I applied their method a few times and it worked well for me also. It may be a bit shallow but I don't like the idea of putting my life on hold and licking my wounds while the ex is getting on with life. Relationships don't always work, I have never harbored any hard feelings towards any of my ex girlfriends, life must go on. Getting some strange after a break up is therapeutic for me. I do what I gotta do to move forward. After dealing with a break up and all that comes with it, its invigorating to experience someone new. A new girl that acts different, smells different, fucks different, moans different etc.
I usually find having a roaring argument with them helps... probably not healthy though. But basically, some kind of closure, seems like you haven't "closed the door" on this relationship. If you want it to stop hurting, no one can help you, and all anyone can offer is the truths of their own past, that essentially and eventually, time will heal it. You might always feel something about it, it was a major part of your life, you can't erase it from your memory. Are you "over" your childhood, your school years? We don't leave the past behind, we absorb it and integrate it into ourselves. If you break a leg, you don't amputate it, you let the bone rebuild. You'll be left with a scar, but you'll be the stronger for it. I appreciate that what you really want is for the pain to simply evaporate and leave you be, and I truly wish I had some way of offering that to you. Stop pushing your pain away, make peace with it. Luckily (or unluckily depending on ones perspective) little short of a full-frontal lobotomy will stop you being able to love again. lol if that is a thing of comfort or despair, I am myself unsure
Thank you all for your great replies. Lots of different perspectives, all true. sophieclair and Bonsai Ent seem to have hit on something that I've been denying to myself: Sad, but probably true. My heart still cries out for her. I want her back, even though my head tells me this is a very, very bad idea . It doesn't help matters that we still email and text. Also, excellent replies Duck and Panther28. The dialog between Mothman and OldTroll is interesting. Several of my friends have suggested "vitamin P" as the cure for all ills. Instead, I've taken the approach of shutting down for the past year and a half. I'm not one to spread it around freely, anyway. I've been set up on a few really awful blind dates, but I wasn't really interested. Lately I've been feeling better about things, and thinking I might be able to live again. I've been clinging to the hope that: Thanks again, all.
I think thats the best method to do. Get your life in busy mode and then youll meet others and have fun
