should i or should i go...?

so i haven't seen my dad in .. 3 years? maybe it's only been two.. which ever. i've been invited to his house on the 30th.. i'm debating whether or not to go.

i don't feel like explaining the whole situation with my 6yr old to anyone.

gonna add a poll as if your helping me decide will really matter in the end.

 

Don't go.

You haven't seen him in three years for a reason and remember that.

The last time I saw my dad after a huge period of time it went terribly so maybe I am biased.

 

Is he a good person? If you explained what happened with your kiddo would he be empathetic or judegmental?

 

i'm sure most of my family knows. my dad is .. well he's a goofball. when i was in NY and asked if i could stay with him for awhile when i came back to cali.. he said no. it hurt me. i know i've got issues and i'm slightly a burden.. but i need help... sucks when my own family doesn't want to help me out some.

besides my kid in foster care, i'm doing pretty good right now.

funny how much i want to be loved by these people that don't want to love me like i need it.

 

Aww Booga... that is sad. I am similar with my closest family and especially my dad... but I am learning to put my love elsewhere.

 

seems you people here on the HF know more about me than my family does.. thats just weird.

i think i don't want to go because what i need, i'm not going to get. i might get negativity for things.. not necessarily from my dad, just other family members that i know will be there.

 

I have no idea your family situation.

 

i should write a book...

too confusing to even try and explain it.

 

Well, write a book... and go ahead and confuse me!

 

ahahah!

my dad is biologically my uncle.. my aunt and uncle adopted me when i was a baby. my biological parents i rarely see them too. so i've got abandonment issues and issues with not feeling loved by family and not feeling loved by adults and now not feeling like an adult myself.

my one therapist thinks i have PTSD because my "mother" was so abusive to me for years... she still is. i've already decided to NOT go to any holiday get together she has.

what gets me though.. is she was such a bitch to me all the time.. and my "dad" NEVER once stepped in. he was always cool with me, but you'd think he'd at least once tell her to knock it off.

i think i'm just worried about going on the 30th and getting upset or pretending i'm fine.. while i'm screaming inside.

maybe i should just not go.

 

You don't need a kidult in your life whom you can't depend on. He should be able to help you if he can't/won't then he should pull him self together and he doesn't need you about while he's realising that. and if he's not gonna do that then if you do re-establish a relationship with him it won't be as farther daughter.

 

Don't go then. I am sorry ):

 

Booga that situation sucks.

I say don't do. You don't need to subject yourself to anything more then what you have gone through.

Hopefully you can get past all the things people have done to you. I am so sorry.

 

yeah.. i don't want to undo all the good progression i've made in therapy

 

Im sure your not the only person who did not feel like they had a sense of love growing up.. so when you do meet up with the people who were supposse to give you that, its weird. From experience these situatoins feel really fake and you just have to put up with B.S. and put on a fake smile. Just for the sake of being yourself... you should not go. They did not work to make you happy, so why would you show up and make their day? I would not, but again its your life so do what you do!

 

Yeah, definitely DON'T do that.

Do you have kids?

 

i wouldn't go. dont feel an obligation coz they're family. a lot of people do. but you cant pick your family at the end of day and if you dont get on and if theres to much history there that cant be just pushed under the carpet, its not worth the heart ache.

 

i have 3 kids. my youngest is in foster care.. ugh! and my older two live with their grandparents.

i just realized something funny. i'm excited and looking forward to spending thanksgiving day with my ex in-laws! but they seem to love me unconditionally. even when i make a mistake they back me up and tell me they know i'm doing the best i can. which i am!

 

See! Surrounding yourself around good people is great.

Aww three kids, that nice.

 

I wouldn't go if that's the situation. You'd probably just be miserable.

I hope you have a good thanksgiving.