So my father doesn't live at my home.

I don't spend time at his house anymore either. I love and respect him a lot and want him in my life. But he comes over and yells at me for having a dirty room and things I do in my own home. I don't see how as long as I'm respectful and live a good honest life that it matters how I keep my room and things like that at my home. When I visited him I kept my room over there spotless. I don't see how he has the right to tell me how I should keep my room in my mothers home. I guess it's just a matter of respect but it doesn't seem very fair. I'm conflicted.

 

what a bastard. who does he think he is?

 

Well he is my father. I've grown up to fear/respect his authority over me. He was always quick to spank me when I got out of line. I remember once when I was about 7 or 8 he was so angry he thought I was being bad when I was just watching television on the couch and ripped me up and spanked me right then. I learned to not question him real quick.

 

Bleh.....I see my father every too weeks for a day or two. We sometimes talk on the phone, but not too often.
Its good. I feel like we have a good relationship. We get along really well.

 

Sometimes you just have to avoid people. Just cos their family doesn't mean they good for you.

 

sad :angelsad2:

 

I never really saw it as a big deal....I figure i'm not in a corner crying and cutting myself or other people so I must not be too damaged. His temper a major reason I stopped going over there anymore. I had to tiptoe around him because I never knew what would make him angry.

 

well it's not like he raped you or anything. it could have been worse.

 

Very true. He's a pretty cool guy when you stay on his good side.

 

Could have been better, she has the right to expect better from a parent. but it would be foolish to keep expecting more from someone if you know they wont come through. If he's like my farther then he wouldn't understand that he's at fault and explaining it would be pointless.

 

Should you have to earn normal behavour from someone. it's understandable to be extra nice to someone when you want them to be extra nice to you but you shouldn't have to put your self out cos he might indulge himself if you don't.

 

I'm sure. my dad hit me every now and again, it wasn't really a big deal. it's actually pretty normal.

he needs to chill about your room, though.

 

I know. He yelled for like five minutes about how I don't respect him and have a major lack of maturity. I hate to admit this but it made me cry. I can't handle him yelling at me without crying.

 

I hate fathers.

 

The anger issue sucks, the room thing, I would guess is his way of trying to be a part of your life, not that he is trying to be a jerk

 

Talk to him about the yelling, when he is in a good mood that is. Alot of parents are just big kids who parent like they were parented. He may just think he is being a proper Dad, and not that he hurts your feelings.

 

shadow, I know how you feel having to 'tiptoe' around your dad because of his anger. it actually sucks, I have learned to control my temper 100% just so I don't set my dad's temper off, which could end up horrible.

best advice is to let your dad know when he's out of line.. in a calm way. or maybe you could even try keeping your room clean....? not to be an asshole, but it feels good to have a clean room. once you get in the habit of keeping it clean, it ain't too hard.

 

I actually love having a clean room. It makes me feel like turning it into an art gallery. It looks like heaven and is messed up by clutter. I just keep putting it off. But I can't anymore. Because I don't even want to think of what will happen if I don't clean it by Saturday like he said.

 

I feel like it's parents way of trying to feel like they have control. I grew up just with my mom but my dad would still call periodically and yell about how I'm messy, and need to do better in school but would not in anyway have any information about how I was doing in either of those things...

He still does it too- called the other day and told me I should stop volunteering and doing activist stuff because it get's in the way of being able to study school shit for 14 hours a day which is apparently what he feels is a reasonable amount of time to study. THen he lectured me about my eating habits when he has no way at all to know anything about my eating habits- and I eat ridiculously healthy...
...just needs to feel in control, especially now that I live really far away..

..sometimes i feel like it makes him feel like a better father and he's having some hard times so I let him lecture but don't really take it to heart cause most of whats said is random and irrelevant.

 

yeah, but anything could be worse than anything else.
To the OP-I agree with the poster that said you don't have to have a close relationship with family if they are not good for you.
You're old enough to decide in a court of law whether or not you want visitation with him.
IMO any parent who makes their children fear them is a failure as a parent.
It's great you turned out so well. You seem really resiliant and like just an awesome person.