Your words cloud my mind like a fucking swarm of lady bugs or locusts. StingpoundstingPOUND; your words against my eardrum/ in my heart. You don't think. You don't ever think about anyone YOU you YOU A game of bullshit, I'll call you on it because that's all you ever do. A/N: Yeah, I stole the title from a Blind Melon song. "Walk" if anyone's wondering.
"Take a Look at Me Now" I'm laying on the bathroom floor; it's more convenient than you know I think I lost myself between putting the key in the door and stumbling here it works out fine because I just can't care anymore and you're not here to reason with me. There's a saxophonist playing some fittingly depressing tune in the background I don't even think he can read the music but it works out fine because I'm crying anyway. You always said I'd die choking on my own vomit I argued, but I was never sure that you weren't right You were always a pretty intuitive person, I just don 't think you realized it. Even though you're not here anymore I think I love you just the same.
"Watching You Wilt" I had a dream of running away and hiding in your closet When I woke up I was alone and realized that I didn't know who you were anymore, but I remember when you were young and foolish and oh so beautiful I remember when you smiled like you never watched the news and still thought cigarettes were cool, and when you wanted to dress up like a skeleton and dance for the day of the dead But your youthful curves have narrowed and those imperfectly perfect kinks in your amour they've all been polished and buffered so you can fit into societal standards that don't suit you in the least. You crammed yourself into an iron maiden businessmen molded for you So, I lie in bed and tell myself I'll be here for you because you left before I could tell you
“You Don't Know What it Means” Peeling off skin we said we wouldn't need anymore was the only hobby we had that wasn't illegal. But still we made the best of what we had you said that was all we could do and that we should smile just the same. Every time I said I love you you said, that's okay it'll get better even though it did in time, the truth was that I didn't want it to. And I still think about what a wonderful disease you were.
“The Longest Shadows” I just wanted to write love poems and show you the sonnets I said I'd never sell Money isn't everything was our catch and we smiled because we were all we'd ever need- broke had it's own sort of allure while I was holding your hand.
Just a note, I love constructive criticism people, and it would be very much appreciated. I'm always looking to become a better writer.
a couple of your poems have this little bonus toward the end. It's always good to have the "deepest" part of the poem toward the end.
Again, you have the ending deep and so that works well, to end with a deep/excellent thought... a zinger if you want to call it that. you could almost combine this poem with the other one "You Don't Know What it Means"... they both seem to be along the same lines of thought/idea.
