as cute as it may seem like i'm trying to be, it's 80 plus % of the population that (i'm assuming) you're part of, that is mentally handicapped, and not you. quality over quantity; even if you are really fucked up, by the looks of it your life is probably more meaningful than the vast majority of your population (put one way i'd rather talk to you than, say, billy ballcap). problem is that going against the grain of millions of mental midgets and even just trying to deal with them on a more personal level, alone, is often nigh impossible, and a result of this is that some of us really have to struggle in some way or another to meet any kind of positive end to anything. but i'm being really general here and not talking about what you had to say, specifically. first thing i'd say is to hesitate ever labeling yourself as anything. i know it feels good and convenient and the like and it gives you absolution and solution and this and that but really, labels are dismissive and vague by their vary nature and thus insufficient at and often wrong in how they explain anything, schizophrenia being one of the classic examples of this, which per se is about as vague as one of nostradamus' stoned out babblings. in other words we don't do ourselves or our intelligence any justice by using them, and letting others tell us what we are is simply unacceptable. about the relationship stuff. if you clean up nice and have the means to put yourself out there then just do it. if you're in college, then again, just do it, 'cause there are so many young women around who at least want to get some serious oral. i've met girls at grocery stores and places like wal-mart at 1, 2, 3 in the morning when not in any lengthy relationship, because i simply cannot function in bars and clubs, and "club girls" are a total waste of my time and the most unattractive women on the planet. another thing to be aware of here is the sheer number of potential partners out there. even if you were the most unique and "difficult" person on the planet, there would probably be thousands of potential partners for you. and also, i'd suggest that it's more about finding ways to find the right people rather than simply "finding the right people"; for example, i'm into things that a lot of people simply aren't into, thus i could find groups online or in real life composed of people with similar interests, and use this to more easily find the right person. if you're having serious trouble getting over a past relationship, then i will tell you that the only thing that is likely to help you get over it is time, as it took me over two years to completely get over someone before. it's extremely tough "to deal" when we have all the wrong people around us. it's important in times like that to really practice a lot of self-reflection and come to fully understand who you are, why and how. through this process of understanding you can erode the ego, begin developing humilty and really start to level yourself and value just having the ability to wake up the next day and grow a little in some way. another thing i'd keep in mind here is that nobody owns you but you. when it gets down to it we really have no obligations, it's just that we're conditioned to think we do; you don't have to move, think, or do anything really, at any time, if you don't want to, so if you need to chill and ponder one thing or no-thing at all to maybe feel a little better then just do it. and i guess final words of wisdom from someone a little older who can probably sympathize with you on some levels: just work from the inside out to do whatever patchwork you need to now, don't go crazy trying to figure things out or do this or do that and get ahead of yourself and what's most important; find serious solidarity in something, even if it's just an idea... an idea about anything, the world, some ideal, whatever. you're at what i call a "good age"... i'd give more than i want to admit to go back to that time. and i know how much it fucking sucks with the wrong people around you -- it amplifies your problems exponentially and it's like existing in a coffin 24/7, and this is why i say things like look inside yourself and just worry about taking care of you. so anyway i hope that helped and you can pm me if you want. don't call a suicide hotline because they make you want to kill yourself anyway. hahahahaha.
ill have to say just keep it straight...never be fake for any reason....be urself and u have to love urself for who u are before someone else can love you...everything happens for a reason...when the time comes...ull meet the right person...dont force it or it wont be real...real is natural-not forced....be happy with life and doing things u enjoy...live life for you!
