this is kinda fucked up, bear with me please...

okay... so some weird shit happened the other night. i would like a few opinions.

i have this friend- we'll call him B. we've known each other for a while, a few years, and are both seniors in high school. we don't have many other friends, just a core group with us and three other people. we do a lot of shit together- i tried acid and mushrooms with him for the first time (his too), and we've smoked a lot of pot and drank a lot of vodka, done DXM, etc. my other friends joke that we're too close.

so the other night, he came to my dads house to stay over for the night. with him he brought two bottles of wine which we just about finished. needless to say we were nice and drunk, and basically we talked for a few hours about life (girls, our friends, our futures, etc). we were being really open, so i decided to ask him a question that i never had a definitive answer for: rumor had it that in 8th grade, him and another guy gave each other hand jobs a few times. he confirmed, and got sort of quiet. i knew that he was thinking he wanted to do it (he had also smoked some purple haze (i don't smoke pot anymore so i was just drunk)).

he started kinda feeling me, and asking if i wanted him to do it- he said it was a birthday present to me (i'm turning 18 soon), and he was basically being REALLY forward. i told him to chill, that i needed to think about it. well, i don't want to throw in too much bullshit- let me just say that eventually, he sucked me for about 2 minutes. i was watching porn but it just felt way, way off so i stopped him before i even came close to finishing.

now i'm pissed off. i'm pissed about a lot of things. i'm pissed that i get irresponsible when i'm drunk. i'm pissed that i don't think about what i'm doing. i don't even care that it's gay- i'm just more concerned with the fact that i don't even know what i want. i made a decision like that way too fast, and without any knowledge of my self. i'm pissed that i'm such a push over.

i'm pissed that he's so forward. i'm pissed that he never, ever (even when not drunk/high) knows when to stop. i'm a pushover and he's pushy. i'm pissed off at myself more than him, but it does go two ways. it's not entirely one of our faults and i have a right to be mad at him, just like i am at myself. even that same night, i asked him not to smoke pot in my house and he did anyway... what am i going to do, punch him out? he doesn't let up when he wants something, and i really am not the kind of person that would take things very far. i tell him no and he does it anyway.

i'm pissed off that he even came forward with it. i don't feel the same way about him now- we were almost like brothers, and this just sort of fucked things up in my eyes. i just feel really awkward about it all.

we hang out a lot and i don't really want to for a little while. i need to think about what happened and figure out what i need to do in the future to avoid getting myself in situations i wish didn't happen. i need to take some time and not be around him, i'm just not comfortable.

but he's really emotional. i know for a fact that if i told him to back off for a while, he'd be hurt. i don't want him to get ALL messed up over my decision to chill. i could see him being absolutely devastated, he's overly sensitive like that. i'm not going to say "we're never gonna be friends again". i'm not going to harass him or do anything immature. i'm just going to say that he needs to not be all over me, and needs to respect when someone asks him to do something. which i should have said a long, long time ago.

i'm not being unfair? i mean, i have every right to tell him that i don't want to be around him for a while because i'm uncomfortable with everything that happened, don't i? would you consider this "mean"?

i know i'm an idiot, you don't have to tell me that. but i also know he's overly aggressive and clingy.

if you want to be dicks and just call me "gay", whatever. i know for sure now that i'm not.

i'm really just looking to make sure that i'm not overreacting, and not being mean in telling him that i'm just not cool with what went on (of course i'm giong to say that), but more that i don't really want to be hanging out with him for a little while at least.

shit, this probably sounds so feminine. whatever, it's what is going on. so shoot me.

 

If it made you feel uncomfortable, tell him that. I dont think that would be too mean.

 

i have no problem telling him that, and i fully intend to.

but it's more that i don't want to chill with him for a while, i hate having this hanging out there. i know i can't erase what happened but i also can't just ignore it. i mean, it's out there, and i'm uncomfortable. to be honest i just don't want to hang out with him for a little while because i'm pissed about the kinds of things he does.

like i said, i fully understand my role in all of this. it's just that, well, i can't "not hang out with myself" i'll deal with my end in other ways, but for his responsibility- i don't want to be around him for the time being.

THAT'S not too mean, is it?

 

Nah, thats good.

And calm down, its not like you enjoyed it.

 

lol thanks for taking the time to respond.

nah i'm not even concerned that "my world is shattered because i did something gay". even if i was gay, it wouldn't matter.

i'm more just mad that i can never seem to recognize when i'm doing something i don't want to do. i'm always doing shit because other people want to and i can never seem to stop and ask "what do i want to be doing?"

it's an important question, and this is just one more time when i didn't ask that. that's where my problem is.

 

Anytime you have to make a decision...STOP. Count to 10 or 50 or 100. Call a close friend (usually girls for me even though im a guy). Do whatever it takes. Regret sucks.

 

I don't know what to say about the whole sex thing, i mean that would weird me out hard core but i dont know what to say about it. I will say though that your friend sounds like a dick, why would you wanna hang out with some one who disrespects you so much?

 

if hes a good friend, he will understand you cannot be around him for a while. if not, maybe he's not the friend you thought he was.

 

maybe with this experience you'll become better at determining which choices you want to make and which ones not. not only that, but you know you're not gay.

and I'm inclined to agree with Xac. why would you be friends with someone who doesn't respect you in the slightest?

 

At least now you can be absolutely positively SURE you're not gay... Like you won't realize it at 40 when you have a wife and kids and just about to hit your midlife crisis and start wearing wigs and make-up and stuff like that guy on Dr. Phil...

 

damn that would be so shitty to wake up and remember some guy sucked your dick last night...

 

LOL yeah. there's an upside to everything, i guess.

hmm well i don't know about the whole situation. now i'm more weirded out than pissed off, i think the fact that i was sort of depressed/hungover contributed to being mad.

now i'm just not sure what's going on. this one friend is sort of the "lame" one- nice guy and all, but he's just pretty awkward and annoying in a lot of respects. it's not really to the point of being harmful (most of the time), but it's more just like "i sort of wish he would shut up".

so it's not like i hate him or anything. just a few things he does piss me off a lot.

and dippin- yeah, that was a pretty strange morning. i couldn't even look him in the eyes haha

 

You know you don't have to make the choice between friend and enemy, you could just find new friends and not hang out with them... i only say that because it doesn't really sound like you actually like your friends.

 

well it's really only him, which makes it difficult. all of my other friends are great.... but he's friends with them too. so it's sort of like we're all just a group and he's around all the time, so it would be pretty hard to just not be friends with him any more.

 

Hahah, dude you're not gay. You tried it, you didn't like it. That makes you a lot straighter than the people who are too afraid they'd like it to try it. Just don't worry about it. If you don't tell anyone, how is anyone going to find out? It's none of their business.

As for your friend, don't be too hard on him. You did let him do it, and he did stop when you asked. Plus you were both drugged up, so you can't blame him any more than you can blame yourself.

 

this is true.
you have the main fault, in that you cannot be your own person (i don`t mean this judgmentally).

 

It's not the end of the world man. If your close enough to get as far as you did then you should be able to tell him you're a bit weirded out and you just need some downtime and that he shouldn't freak out because it will be a "water under the bridge, drunken moment" in no time. I wouldn't be too mad at the guy though.

 

dont trip off sounding feminine.. i know for a fact that it would bother me too. i really dont know what i would do if one of my close friends came on to me like that. the truth is, i probably WOULDNT know what to do, so i would just give in.

dont waste too much time being upset with yourself. you cant change what happened, after all. just learn from it.

but your friends needs to learn that there is a line that cannot be crossed. dont be afraid of hurting his feelings.

 

I know how you feel, I did something a little uncalled for once, and I feel as if things are not as "tight" as they used to be.

Anyways, let him know that it made you uncomfortable, and you want him to respect your sexuality. You also need to tell him to respect your rules, I used to never respect my friends, he told me off, and now I realize I was being a dick. Maybe you just need to tell to not smoke weed in your house, and go outside.

Hope it works out man.

 

well, saying i "can't be my own person" is a little bit much... i wasn't my own person when this stuff happened, but no need to make generalized claims about me. and anyways, i've said multiple times that it's just as much my fault for letting it happen, nothing new there.

but anyway, things are pretty much normal now, although i do notice that we're not really as tight as we were before that stuff happened. i'm not weirded out as much, but i do want to bring it up just so he understands. still haven't said anything, but some stuff is coming up with other friends and him (unrelated, but also sort of relevant), so i'll probably talk to him next time it's appropriate. plus i had time to let it go, so i can bring it up without being too worked up.