Hey, I've been with my current gf for about a year now, we love each other a lot and this is the girl I can see myself marrying later in life. Our sex life is pretty good, we have sex 1-3 times a week (we don't live together). I'm really satisfied with the sex, but half the time she doesn't climax. It's not like I'm a lazy lover, I usually stop having intercourse if I'm getting to close to cumming and then concentrate on pleasuring her. But sometimes it just doesn't happen. Sometimes she talks about having a semi-open relationship later down the track (1-2 years). By that, she means going to parties and maybe finding a different guy for the night. This tears me in 2, and I've told her so. I'm all cool with her having fun with other girls, it doesn't really do anything for me but I want her to have fun. But just the thought of her giving another guy head or anything just makes me wanna vomit. I love and respect her so much, but if she did anything like that I would just think she's a slut. Adding to this, I have a fairly weird sexual urges. In terms of my gf, I wanna make love to her and make her feel wonderful. But if she became slutty or touched another guy, I feel I would only want to use and abuse her. I'm usually a perfectly nice guy, but I can feel that a part of me is quite sadistic. Thanks for any advise you guys can impart.
Well, it sounds like you can't handle a non monogamous relationship. This isn't meant to be judgemental, but it is clear its not something that you are open to exploring so it will only lead to bad things. Most people, even those who think they can, can't handle an open relationship when it comes down to it. Ask her why she has desires to be with other men andd explain to her in an honest and calm manner your feelings on the matter. It may turn out the multiple partners is necesary for her sexual satisfaction, in which case you guys probably won't work out. Or, it may just be a mild fantasy and she was just seeing how you felt towards the situaiton. Either way, you won't know unless you guys talk. Cheers
If you can't handle an open relationship thats fine, I couldn't either. However her desire to be with other in no way makes her a slut, it makes her human.
I have to agree with sara here. It sounds as though you two might have totally different ideas of what it means to be in a relationship. I'd sit down with her and have a serious talk about where all this (your relationship) is heading. If she sticks to her guns about a open relationship, and you find yourself still having problems with it, you might want to move on.
Yea, I talked to her just after I posted. I think we completely understand eachother and have come to an agreement. She's assured me that she's not going to do anything unless we're both totally cool with it, and I've assured her that I'll be more open with us experimenting. I think the main thing is that our relationship is much more important to us than playing around sexually is. Having said that... yesterday we had some really nice angry sex to relieve the our own seperate frustrations.
I tend to agree with Ahimsa...It appears that things may be resolved for now. Nonetheless, I will offer a suggestion: Is it possible that you're "too nice?" Don't get me wrong, "making love" and being romantic is great, but a lot of girls don't want that 24/7. Have you talked about / considered exploring your sadistic urges with your partner? Perhaps she wants to be treated like a "slut" every once in awhile. It may mean even more to her because, although she is being treated like a slut, she trusts you and can always revert back "normalcy." I wouldn't be surprised that if you introduced the idea of S&M that she wouldn't be intrigued and perhaps even thrilled. Just my two cents...Good luck!
