I need to rant!

I usually think of the gay community as being inclusive ( since gays, if anybody, should know what its like to be the outsider, to be different). But there are many times when I feel that the gay community is really NOT inclusive at all. I went to college expecting things to be much easier in terms of finding a guy, but I just feel so disconnected from the gay "community" at my school. I feel like all the gay guys are already friends and I just feel really left out. I feel like they are all worried about being super flirty and fake and....I dont know, maybe its just a reflection of my own self-esteem....but somehow I feel like the gay guys here really aren't open to meeting others or something, I dont know what it is. All the lesbians at my school (there are a billion times more lesbians here than gays) are like a big happy group of friends, they all hang out and are great friends...while the gays, they seem so disconnected. I dont know what it is.
But I just needed to rant.
Does anyone else ever feel this way?

 

I'm not too fond of the gay "community" at my school, either. I mean, I'm certainly at least partially to blame for not trying hard to integrate into it, but the fact of the matter is that most of the gays who attend the QSA meetings here are obnoxious. Most of the time I don't even agree with what they're saying, not to mention that my ex-boyfriend is now the co-head of it... so fuck that.

Outside of QSA, because it's a smaller school, most of the gay boys know who's who, but none of us really hang out. I have one good gay friend, but now it's a bit complicated because I've become attracted to him. So, in general, I don't know what a healthy gay community is. Although it hasn't been hard for me to meet gay boys, it's definitely not a community by any means.

 

Yeah thats EXACTLY how it is here too: all the gay boys know who's who, but no one hangs out. My school is small- 1,350 students- so there aren't THAT many gay guys, and I've met most of them. Patience I guess is all I need.

 

Ahhh, this ole chestnut.

Don't make the mistake of trying to apply hetero rules to homo.

I'm afraid it all comes down to sex drive. Guys, both gay and straight are only switched on full strength in that 15 -25 yr range, whereas the girls its from 25+.

so first off, when you say the lesbians at your school are more connected, just wait and see what happens after around 25 as they turn into women and start getting a lot more territorial about their partners.

As far as the gay guys go, at 18 they are in full swing, half wouldnt want to hang around too many gay guys, you think about sex too much - so they may prefer 1 boyfriend, maybe one other gay friend and the rest of their friends being girls, some have to make a social perimeter between their boyfriend and other gay guys - said boyfriend may or may not be publically known to you. Some may just be uncomfortable around you cos you make eyes at them too often, or the other way around. And lets not forget we are all not just defined by our sexuality, Goth gay guy may just not want to hang out with hip hop gay guy over musical interests.

And I'm afraid you've been suckered into believing the same crap the rest of the population does about gay gays, that its all about chasing after effeminate or shiny guys. Half of gay guys, they operate the same as that top 5% of the most voracious females, where everything is sneaky and hidden, hit 16 and jump straight to men; 25+ 6ft+. Watch for the fake innocence, around their peers they may act innocent when it comes to sex, mainly so as not to raise suspicion amongst their friends that its really their friends dads that are prime target - which is just about always in secret.

Believe me when I tell you that at 18, much of gay is still hidden to you - especially the ones who prefer to keep their special someone, or someones secret. if you are more likely to be into the jock on the football team that has a girl friend or one of your friends dads, then you are better off having everyone think you're straight.

In summary I'll leave you with the golden rule:

When it comes to anything to do with sex, babies or hormones no human whether they be male, female, gay, straight never tells the complete truth

 

Well, over here I'm the only person in the male gay community in my school haha

But we don't have seperate communities, everyone mingles with everyone so.... but I want to have more gay people in my school!

 

:werd: this is a very wise post.

Although if I'm correct those sex drive ages are a bit off, what with puberty being reached at earlier ages and getting earlier and earlier, and with personal experiences.

 

dude thanks for the advice, but first can I say
what the fuck?
whats this talk about guys secretly liking fathers and me being into guys on a football team with a girlfriend? everything else you said made sense, but those two things really threw me the fuck off. where the hell did that come from???????
how did I imply that I believed it was about chasing the shiny guys? All I said was that I felt that the gay community wasn't very inclusive at my school.
But looking bak waht I really mean is just taht Im having a hard time breaking into the gay community at my school. But whatever, I just gotta be patient.

 

I am not part of a community at my college whatsoever. I do however have numerous gay friends, or at least bisexual in some cases. I am just luck enough to have known all these people from when they were kids, and we all just happened to just be. Either great luck, or that says something.

Either way I find at my college, where I am without my usual crew, The gay community is a very small one. No one really mingles with one and other, but then most of the gay guys are not of the ''camp'' sort, so they are all just scattered around every type of group.

It means for less opportunity to really meet others similar, but at least it breaks a stereotype. I guess breaking into either the Hetro or homo scene round me is exactly the same, which is nice.

Patience is almost certainly the key, I am finding that. Slowly but surely I meet others (Many I would honestly have not guessed)- And obviously you will to.