sex - how important?

if you were in a relationship where one partner totally lost their sex drive would it matter? what if the love was so strong between the two that the driveless partner was begging you not to let the lack of drive break apart the reltionship. what if the love you felt for that person was the strongest you have ever felt.

and yes it is my relationship. she no longer craves sex. i can not help but feel it is that she no longer craves me, no matter what she tells me. something about not being desired in a sexual way is a big blow to the male ego and i have tried and tried and tried to see a way to move past it. i am not sure if there is one though.

we have talked about a physical to see if there is anything wrong with her, physically. she shoots it down. we have talked about sex therapy, again shot down. we have even talked about female labido increases like Acsend, shot full of holes. it is as though she doesn't think there is anything wrong with not desiring sex.

besides, i am not sure i can be happy in a relationship where sex is so infrequent. is it possible to do so? is it possible to go without sex and still feel as though you are desirable to the other person?

 

sex isnt everything man. maybe you guys were having too much sex and she just needs a little break. but if you really love her you wouldnt let this get in the wya of your relationship

 

i realived that it isn't. wen we were waiting for the pill to kick in and we were a lot more frisky, but now we've slowed down in a few months of the pill. plus i barely see her due to vacation

 

Stop worrying about sex and try to make her happy. That's how you get sex.

 

Thats the worst advice I've ever heard.

Listen Coy2K4 Sex is a very very important part of a relationship, and you have to let her see it, how long has it been? Maybe you should just wait for her to come on you. Try to ask her open ended questions about how she's feeling, emotionally and physically, maybe shes just under a lot of and wants to talk about it. You can try a llot of things to seem sexy for her, try out something new, it might make her feel pretty frisky. have you thought about picking a fight with her? Nothing too mean, and not about the sex thing, about something else, but fights build up lots of emotion and afterwords sex is a great way to let it all out. In any case Dont pressure her into something she doesn't wanna do, but you have to get her to talk about it with you.

This may sound shallow, but i Couldn't be in a sexless relationship. I'm sure there are some people out there who are just asexual and just want relationships for emotional context, but I have needs, and i couldn't live without sex. I'm not saying kick her to the curb or anything, but you have needs and you wont be happy in a relationship without sex. Just give her some time, there could be a lot of factors that are making her seem cold. Make sure she knows you think she beautiful.

 

Beggers can't be choosers.

 

I need sex
I can understand the reduced amount of sex after a while but I always work very hard to keep the passion there. I know my man gets aroused just by looking at my picture but I don't want there to be one day where he lost desire in me. its been more than a year now and the sex frequency has reduced but ya, the passion is still there so I am surviving.

You have to look at your relationship.. personally, I need both love and sex. Sex, for me is one of the most intimate way of sharing yourself with someone because you are both vulnerable yet at the same time powerful

 

Personally,

I can handle the dry spells, but intimacy in a sexual way is extremely important to me and I'm not just being a male horndog - its the connection I need to feel with my partner that is found in that place.

 

if you need to get off just masturbate man. always works for me

 

trust me, it isn't about getting off - well at least in a physical sense that is

 

at one point in a long relationship I had I got bored too. Girls tend to get bored easy because (no offense guys) when guys(usually...I'm not saying all!) find a trick they like and gets them off they keep doing it and it gets old and boring and stops making you look forward to it. Excite her! Romance her a little. Tease the crap out of her. Use more foreplay. Try this... out of the blue call her while your at work to where ever she is. Use your best deep sexy voice and talk dirty. Be a dirty but don't go into phone sex... just something new you'd like to try or better yet do to her. Tease her and leave her in anticipation because that can be a huge turn on! Try to get home before her and do something nice...like maybe make her dinner. Then... be agressive yet gentle, take control of the situation and tease her! I'm sure by that point she'll be so horney she might take control and do whatever she wants and I'm so the change will make you both happy! Good luck!

 

oh yes... there is one other thing I wanted to add... has something changed in her life? Could she be depressed or stressed? Has she recently had a baby? Things like this could cause a womans sex drive to change and its not her fault. Medication can help if shes willing. Secondly by pressing it unforetunetly its angering her (most likely) and she may be getting more hyped up inside about what may be wrong with her, which won't help. I'd say settle it down and if all of everyones advice doesn't work invest in some good porn and stay supportive of her. She may just need you by her side to show her how much you love her to help her through a "dry spell".

 

Well, I'm not with anyone right now, but if I were, yes, I would need sex to feel fulfilled in the relationship. I don't think it is normal for a man or a woman to feel an absence of desire for sex. And yes, I do want to be desired by the woman in that way. I think we're made to need and want to feel that.

Whenever someone writes to Dear Abby with a problem like yours, she later publishes letters she got saying stuff like, "I lost interest in sex with my husband six years ago, two years into our marriage. Why? When we met he was handsome and fit, and he has let himself go, he's gained 45 pounds, he doesn't brush his teeth before bed, doesn't keep his nails trimmed, and he's good for nothing but a once-around-the-block and then he rolls over to go to sleep. What's there to desire?!"

Just make sure you don't match that description before you go wondering if there's something wrong with your woman.

Blue skies,
-Jeffrey

 

So right, Jeffrey! and BTW, you sound magically delicious...

 

I have been in your situation before, and if it goes on too long your eye will stray. It has nothing to do with what jeffrey metioned above in many situations, but more to do with depression. It's not really fair to be stuck with someone who doesn't want sex ever when there are people out there who would love to have sex with you. You are just damning yourself to a sexless life.


I'm not saying you should be impatient, give her time and try whatever you can to help her get through it, but in my opinion sex is essential to a relationship.

 

most of the advice was great, thank you. here are some answers to all those questions.

our relationship is over five years old and we have been on a steady decline for the last two years to about once a month now. nothing too major has happened in either of our lives to cause this either. i am in better physical shape now then when we met (sexual frustration leads to better workouts i guess). she loves her job, loves our life and loves me.

talking to her about it is not so good though. she is embarassed by sexual conversations that deal with her lack of desire and would rather i just accept. i can't though.

i know that women need variety and need their man to keep the sex fresh. i make sure that she has an orgasm everytime we have sex and i make sure to try new things and talk to her about them, ask what she liked and what she didn't. i make sure to pay attention to her likes and dislikes.

i tried the waiting for her to come to me thing. that gets old. i don't understand how something that feels so good physically and emotionally can get put back as an after thought. it doesn't make sense.

 

I know, that many couples have problems in their sexual life. Different temperaments, stresses at work and in family.. But I founded an answer to this problem. I have been taking Sentia and don’t remember a longer pause than a few days when I didn’t make love with my husband. I think, that these pills certainly have something to do with it.

 

Some guesses from someone who doens't knows shit:

Love feeds on passion, passion on sex. Otherwise it's just a good friendship...
Some women, altough would not admitt it, will start to loose sexual drive if they are not feeling loved...

That's a good guess like any other i suppose.

 

why don't you just get somethin on the side?

 

I have next to no sex drive. Funny that I frequent a love and sex board when I have little desire. Don't get me wrong, I ADORE my husband, I love him more than anything in the world, and I think he is the hottest thing on the planet, but I have next to no desire most of the time My reasons might be different however. One, I am a stay-at-home mother of three young children; an almost 5 year old son, and 16 month old twins (another son and a daughter) Two, I am totally worn out most of the time. I crave sleep. My kids all sleep through the night, but I'm worn out since it's just me and them all day until my husband gets home from work at 5:30. Three, I tend to be a "supermom", and "superwife" and go overboard. I am a complete perfectionist to the point that even I wish I wasn't that way. Four, I am on various medications that decrease libido, even one that has actually been used to treat premature ejaculation! The medications I am on, I HAVE to be on. I take medications for seizures (I'm not actually an epileptic, although that is what I'm diagnosed as right now due to having 5 grand mal seizures the day after giving birth to my twins) and medication for PTSS (post-traumatic stress syndrome). I take the medication for the PTSS due to being on my death bed in the ICU after giving birth to my twins. Because of what happened to me, I am terrified of dying because I came so close to doing so. The medication that I take for it is the one used to actually prevent premature ejaculation as well. This medication however, is the only one that I've found that works. So I'm kind of stuck. It's bad though because it causes delayed orgasm, and makes it extremely hard to have one at times.

With your situation, things may or may not be a lot different. I used to have a very high libido. Now it just seems like one more thing I have to do in the day. I don't refuse my husband when he makes the moves on me, but most of the time I wish I could just cuddle with him instead of doing the deed, because I'm just so dang tired all of the time.

But my husband is understanding. I tell him that if he's in the mood that we can just pull a quickie and he doesn't need to worry about me at all. He doesn't care for doing it that way too often, but he will at times when I'm totally not up for having sex because I'm utterly exhausted but he's in the mood for some. I end up enjoying it anyway once he starts.

I really think that there might be some type of underlying issue going on. Such as, does she seem depressed? Is she under a lot of stress? She might have a medical issue going on that could be helped. When you mention going to a doctor to her, how do you go about it? She might be on the defensive, feeling like there's something wrong with her. Has she ever talked to you about worrying that her desire isn't all that great? I really think that she might benefit from talking to her doctor, but she has to be the one who really wants to go and change things. If not, she might be resentful and it could make her even less likely to want sex.

It's a tough situation really. It sounds like you really do care about her a lot, and the fact that you're concerned really shows that you want to make things better. I really hope that the two of you can work things out and figure out what's going on.

I wish I had more helpful advice to give you, but all I really had was my experience to share.

Good luck vibes.

Peace.