What should I do? Problem with my EX

Hello everyone...I know this is the womens issues forum, but who better to tell my story to and look for a little insight from?
My story....I am still in love with my ex-wife.
We were married for 21 years, rocky at times but over all mostly good through my eyes.
We have been divorced for 5 years.
Touward the end of our marrage we were going through some very rough times...I was getting ready for and had a major surgery...and we also were having some trouble with 2 of our 3 kids. Anyway...she met someone from the internet and ended up leaving me for him. The last 5 years I have dated some...but no one woman for any length of time. I do know why, and I am sure you can also figure out why. Also within the last 5 years she has married, divorced, and married this TOOL and is now getting ready to divorce him again....plus she has left him and went back at least 8 times over the past 5 years...
now here is the twist.....
every time she leaves, she comes here. There is nothing going on between us but a friendship...that is all she wants, but I desire more, and to be honest....she knows. She has to know...everyone can see it. I do my best to control my feelings because I do value our friendship very much and I cannot turn her away because I care, she is the mother of my (our) children, but most of all because I am still in love her with all my heart and soul. I know we have hurt one another in the past, but 5 years of being divorced can really change a person.
I am very good to her.....and I don't know what to do....I really don't. I love her so much it hurts....I don't sleep much....(no, we are not sleeping in the same room). Our kids are grown and on their own now....and we have grandchildren. We both spend time with them, but as friends, grandpa & grandma, but not as a couple.
I would do anything for this woman.....anything within my power.
So.....after work this evening...we were sitting watching TV and she asked if I would scratch her back and rub her stiff neck. Should I have declined? I didn't....I did do what she asked....but it was not easy. Touching her brought out all the feelings I try to lock away. I did not let it show....but damn....how can someone basicly melt while touching another. She said thank you...I said your welcome. We watched a little more TV and she is now in her room sleeping.
Yes, this is the woman who left me, shattered my heart and drained my soul, truned her back & left me to try and pick up the pieces alone...which I still have not been able to do. I forgive her....it takes two to make as well as break a marrage and I share the fault. I am not the one who wanted the divorce...but I signed the papers....you can't make someone stay if they don't want to....right?
I just don't know how to NOT love her....I have tried...but I fail every time.
She has made it known she is not interested in dating....but I have a feeling she is on a dating site. I know she does not feel the same for me as I do her...but this cycle is driving me crazy!!! So...that is my story in a nutshell....let me know what you think please.
Thank you.
Travis

 

I think you should seek counselling. Get to the root of your own insecurities of why you cannot date. It seems obvious this woman does not want you. You need to let that sink in.
I know you said you had kids. My advice would be different if you were still raising them but since you are not I would make a clean break. Ask her to move out so as not to make this any more difficult than it is.
Seek counselling, learn about yourself, and find joys outside of the opposite sex. Eventually you will have less of a void in your heart then you can seek the loving grasp of a woman.
There is a whole world out there. Explore it. Have fun. This craps going to eat you from the inside out.

 

Thank you....keep the opinions coning everyone!!!!