Hello everyone...I know this is the womens issues forum, but who better to tell my story to and look for a little insight from? My story....I am still in love with my ex-wife. We were married for 21 years, rocky at times but over all mostly good through my eyes. We have been divorced for 5 years. Touward the end of our marrage we were going through some very rough times...I was getting ready for and had a major surgery...and we also were having some trouble with 2 of our 3 kids. Anyway...she met someone from the internet and ended up leaving me for him. The last 5 years I have dated some...but no one woman for any length of time. I do know why, and I am sure you can also figure out why. Also within the last 5 years she has married, divorced, and married this TOOL and is now getting ready to divorce him again....plus she has left him and went back at least 8 times over the past 5 years... now here is the twist..... every time she leaves, she comes here. There is nothing going on between us but a friendship...that is all she wants, but I desire more, and to be honest....she knows. She has to know...everyone can see it. I do my best to control my feelings because I do value our friendship very much and I cannot turn her away because I care, she is the mother of my (our) children, but most of all because I am still in love her with all my heart and soul. I know we have hurt one another in the past, but 5 years of being divorced can really change a person. I am very good to her.....and I don't know what to do....I really don't. I love her so much it hurts....I don't sleep much....(no, we are not sleeping in the same room). Our kids are grown and on their own now....and we have grandchildren. We both spend time with them, but as friends, grandpa & grandma, but not as a couple. I would do anything for this woman.....anything within my power. So.....after work this evening...we were sitting watching TV and she asked if I would scratch her back and rub her stiff neck. Should I have declined? I didn't....I did do what she asked....but it was not easy. Touching her brought out all the feelings I try to lock away. I did not let it show....but damn....how can someone basicly melt while touching another. She said thank you...I said your welcome. We watched a little more TV and she is now in her room sleeping. Yes, this is the woman who left me, shattered my heart and drained my soul, truned her back & left me to try and pick up the pieces alone...which I still have not been able to do. I forgive her....it takes two to make as well as break a marrage and I share the fault. I am not the one who wanted the divorce...but I signed the papers....you can't make someone stay if they don't want to....right? I just don't know how to NOT love her....I have tried...but I fail every time. She has made it known she is not interested in dating....but I have a feeling she is on a dating site. I know she does not feel the same for me as I do her...but this cycle is driving me crazy!!! So...that is my story in a nutshell....let me know what you think please. Thank you. Travis
married + shared children = try to work it out. some things transcend difficulties. i don't know her deal, or what's going on in her head, but you guys made promises to yourselves and your children. whatever wierd thing she went through, almost nothing besides violence is unforgivable in my opinion. give it a shot.
21 years, thats rough.. no offense intended.. thats almost as many years as i am old.. but its probably wise to move on, and find someone else.. stop torturing yourself, ive been there! trust me theirs always a lonely person in this world.. i loved this one girl.. for about 5 years we were great, we'd never fight, her family loved me, id hang out with her brother and uncle all the time.. then one day she said, i dont want to see you anymore, because she wanted a dramatic change in her life i guess.. i didnt really pursue the question as to why.. i was kinda devastated.. and that is how a new life for me began, and thats a whole nother story..
try to think of the ways that swept her off of her feet when the first time you guys dated, memories like that makes a girl think, like sara said, seduce her, she needs love and not a tool
naw dont listen to her.. lol im jk.. First off, dont take anything im saying here with offense, cause i dont mean any! But, no matter what you do, you cant just force someone to love you.. just telling you, because ive been there.. you really just need to find something, that will help you let it go and move on.. there has got to be something.. Its been 5 years and probably alot of heart in your throat moments ehh? not worth it, when in the end you will lose more then just dignity.. and the longer you go with it, the longer you are gonna be in a downfall.. you cant force her to fall back in love with you. you really need to end the rooming situation with her.. and you should probably know by now, its inevitable, and you need to end it, because you are the one taking all the shit.. you said.. you can't make someone stay if they don't want to....right? srry maybe i read it wrong.. but you say: now here is the twist..... every time she leaves, she comes here. Really, what you need to do is tell her she just cant stay there anymore, just tell her the truth on how you feel about, her not loving you, and staying with you sometimes? its not fair to you first off.. yea stay friends, go out to dinner with the kids every now and then.. make things cool.. but that just isnt right, and she is using you for that.. idk what you do about the kids, since u guys are friends im sure that will be cool to just work out simply? hang out with your friends, do some activities you like and meet some more people in the process.. just dont go to bars to meet girls, its not the best place to meet a woman. in a different perspective: take into consideration your ex's point of view on this.. that she may not be entirely happy with being your mate.. > which brings a thought, a happy life for you, and unhappy for her, for the rest of your lives?.. i mean that is how she could be seeing things.. 2: another, you need to think about yourself, and how you are gettin screwed in this, its really not fair to you at all, and just because you love her, you need to remember she is taking advantage of you.. and you shouldnt even want to put up with it.. remember i dont mean any offense man, but 5 years is a long time, and it seems like you need to hear the truth. you need to change your life for the better. buy some stuff, some power tools, make something, go on a trip, goto a casino and spend a few bucks, and have some fun, maybe do something outrageous.. go skydiving or somthing.. and this is what happens when i smoke reaaaalllly good weed.. hope everything works out good for ya
without sounding too bitchy, since it doesn't really matter -I will just point out the fact that you referenced "sara's" suggestion....without reading the other posts?!
