how much do you feel

How much do you feel that you were influenced by your parents interactions to you?

I watch my daughter writing a letter to her father who hasn't called her in weeks and I feel a bit sad. She is happy because she loves him so so so much and she is glowing as she has me spell some of the words for her. But to have this deep love for someone who just always disappoints you.

It breaks me heart.

 

very much

 

I just hope that the relationship she has with me and the wonderful father Andy is to her helps.

but I was adopted and I know that even though I never knew my sperm donor there are the parts of me that feels incomplete because of it.

Parents suck. Thats why its hard to be one sometimes. no matter what, you fuck them up.

 

very much. and I'm sorry to hear about her father... why hasn't he called?

 

not very much.

 

oh its his pattern.

I left because he goes through waves of emotional shit. He has an addictive personality and so when he hits those lows, he goes out and smokes some coke....then he forgets anyone exists outside of himself.

not easy to be married to and I wish like hell he weren't her daddy. But what can you do? everything happens for a reason.

I don't shelter it though because I want her to form her own opinions of her dad. I feel its their agreement for whatever...and they have something to work out together.

 

well I must say you're great you let her to form her own opinion of him. As you said "everything happens for a reason"...
Good Luck.

 

Too much.


But I turned out pretty good

 

thank you, you are sweet.

 

yeah I think the same thing of myself...but the more I parent, the more I am faced with the mirror of my parents. and then I have to deal with issues I have but didn't know I had.

does that make sense? sorry if its convoluted.

 

My parents were very abusive towards me, and their actions have affected my entire attitude towards myself and others. However, I happened to come out that experience glowing, and feeling Love for everyone.

 

It does make sense , don't worry


I am only now starting to understand my parents. I can't really blame them for anything. They did the best they could do. Kinda.

 

it's all my parents' fault!

 

Congratulations.

I think thats the biggest part. Getting through the adversity and finding yourself and finding love. If you can make it through that childhood loving then seems you've past the first grade of this school of life.

 

\
I had to learn that. It took a long time to realize that they are just fucked up people too and did their best. though I would improve and do improve on it

 

Parents and immediate family?I'd say - NONE.
Frankly , it might sound cruel , but I just see them as numbskulls.
Like they're in the the first incarnation of the 6 or whatever.

I'm a frankenstein's monster of different ethnic groups.
Grandparents , great-grandparents etc and genetics , I was influenced by that , but not parents.
______________________________________________
Sorry to hear about your probs : (
Some people do terrifically inspite of family diffics : )

 

My parents were terrible..so I raise my daughters exactly opposite of the way I was raised..it has worked out great

 

how old are your daughters Don?

 

15 and 12

 

Hi Mariecstasy.

I don't think it is possible to know how much we were inluenced, or weren't influenced by our parents. The only case in which we could be certain that we weren't influenced is if they were, as is your case, not present. When they are present we can say as much as we like that we weren't influenced any by them, but in reality how do we really know that?

Even though the state of your daughter's unreciprocated love is unmatched by her father's, there is no doubt that she will one day come to an age to realize that she has always been on a one way street (as much as it is only a one way street, as I'm sure he loves her dearly and undyingly) what will have the greatest effect on your little girl and how she reacts to that one way love is the way you have reacted to it (which means how you are reacting to it). If it breaks your heart, it will probably break her heart when she realizes what is happening, but if you show the strength of character required to deal, and deal well, then she will have that same strength of character. At least I reckon she will.