Soon to be 19- Never been kissed and been lonely and sad for a while now

I dont know where to really start here.


Im just so bummed out on myself. Nobody, not even my parents know it (I dont thinK) but I have been for at least a few years now.

I'll be 19 in december, and I'm in a community college right now, not sure what Im going to major in... dont know if that really pertains to anything or not.


Anyways, ive been so bummed out and lonely for most of my teenage-adult life. I've never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl, obviously never made out or had sex... its just been rough. pretty much every night when I get home from college and work I do some schoolwork, hang out with friends or something, and the rest of my night until the time i go to sleep is spent feeling sooo depressed and lonely. sometimes (more so lately than ever) i just cant handle it, and its pretty overwhelming.


I tried asking a few girls out in highschool, and got rejected. They must have told everyone about it, because every time i had people i barely knew coming up to me saying "hey i heard you tried to go out with so-and so HAHA," like its completely bizarre that i could even think to get an intelligent and nice looking girl.

I feel so ashamed of myself when Im hanging out with my friends and they are all talkin about what they did with their girlfriends, problems, or good things in their relationship and i cannot relate in the least bit. I feel like ive got as much to offer as any of my friends but apparently girls dont think so, and it gets me so down on myself...

In college, when various girls my friends know come up to them and hug them and stuff, and me always not getting any, i feel ugly and embarassed. ive tried to talk to 4 different girls since college started bout a month ago, but every time i sit next to them in the lounge and try to make conversation, or strike up a conversation in the hall, they hardly acted interested at all and as soon as i shut up kinda got up and left as fast as they could without being totally rude...


i just want to have a girlfriend whom i love and loves me... i just have all this empty space in my heart because i dont know what its like to have a companion, and like i mentioned its not because i havent tried.


if anyone has any pointers, id appreciate it more than you could know... or if anyone can just relate or has been in a similar situation... i dont know, im just kind of looking for some help here... i am so bummed out about just being me its extremely hard to handle without talking to someone, which is why im here.

thanks for anyone who at least took the time to read this though i appreciate it a lot

 

don't be so hard on yourself. your post is very articulate and mature. sadly girls (and yes most women don't "grow-up" until they're in their late 20's or 30's) are not very nice or even a bit shallow. don't give up! there are almost 7 billion humans on this planet, it takes time to find a person that you can really relate to sometimes.

there is nothing wrong with being friends with girls also. you're young, be glad some girl hasn't used you and/or ruined your life.

you could always go the technical way and post a personal ad online.

 

Make your life/hobbies worthwhile. Become happy on your own, and the women will follow naturally.

 

don't bother with girls. they're evil.

 

I can relate to what you are saying crc.
Perhaps you are looking in the wrong place? Have you tried joining clubs that you are really interested in, if you widen the circles you are moving in, who knows who might come along?

 

To the OP: agreed entirely. I'm 19 and I've never had or experienced anything dealing with love. I used to take it out on my parents for their genetics making me a hideous animal..now just out on myself. I've learned that although people say they're nice, they're truly not. They're all no good, and as a race we should fail. Even here at college, the people haven't accepted me, despite them accepting eachother. How cruel, but all people are cruel at heart.

 

I feel the same way. Except I'm almost 17, but have never had any experience in anything. No boyfriend, no nothing. But hey, do what I do. Try not to worry about it so much, just be yourself, do what makes you happy, and be friendly. Most girls don't like a guy they can't have a good conversation with, or if we feel like we have to do all the talking, or vice versa.

 

I think you haven't been around the right kind of girls. You sound like a very nice, romantic, intelligent, reflective person and maybe those girls didn't appreciate that.

 

I know it's funny.

 

Just don't shoot up the place, okay.

 

I don't believe in hurting other people. It's wrong.

 

Hey CRC, a lot of people live this life. It is normal in most ways. Society today is filled with images that scream sex as loud as possible. I now get to look back a few years to a time when I was 19 that not the case. We still had the same problems, but they were probably a little easier to handle because we were not completely sex driven in our media.
To say "some day you will meet the right person" sounds condescending, but it is correct. I spent my free time doing all of the other things that make up life and enjoyed myself. At some point your will meet women who will like you for who you are. Remember that these women you are talking to are probably going through the same insecurity problems you are, but you have approached them and get the rejection. A secure woman would not seem insulted that you were bothering her. She would not simply ignore you and hope you go away. This is a problem the men share as well. Treat everyone as if they were YOU and life would be better. (all that do unto others stuff)

As an observation, why would these guys be telling all their friends about what they did with their girlfriend the night before? It's not baseball where we all need to know the stats! Where is the propriety in that? (they lie sometimes)

Last, relax. Don't try so hard, it is not a race. If you are tense, nervous or worried, you will not make the best impression. If you meet people casually, there is no expectation and no pressure. They get to meet the real you. One day, one of them meet and will like that person. That is where a true relationship begins.

 

Yah, I hear you. I have had very, very limited experience with girls. I've had one girlfriend in my life...about, oh let's see...five years ago? And yes, I get to feeling lonely. I've made out a couple random times, and the fact is it makes me happy and sad...like I'm happy for that one little bit of contact, sad that it's nothing lasting, nothing meaningful, we don't know eachother, it may as well not have happened...I can brag to my friends, woopee.

See here's the problem with "If you are tense, nervous or worried, you will not make the best impression". If your feeling tense, nervous or worried, then acting "natural" would be acting how you feel...in this case tense, nervous or worried. I think there's a lot of emphasis put on appearing "confident" but why bullshit it? If you're not, why pretend to be? I'm not saying one should act all emotional and sad, spilling their guts to anyone they talk to, but what's the point in faking? If you do end up forming a relationship based off that false perception, it'll just come out later...or if it doesn't, and you continue to fake it...well you can't open up, and it's therefor not a very good relationship. Blah!

The one big problem with a "woes me" attitude is that it turns you selfish. I know, I been down that road. You start thinking about your situation, how hopeless it is, how mean/fake/shallow/happy-but-oblivious-to-your-pain everyone else is...and it turns you into a real self-centered guy that likes to see himself as the victim. So you try and act nice to other people...but it's only so that they'll see you as a nice person, and care about you, listen to you, feel sorry for you...other people become just an extension of your needs (I think that's from a movie or book or something). Blah, poor me.

I dunno, my advice is, try and pinpoint your other passions, try and be a genuinely good person, don't make yourself into a stereotype (either the "unloved, soft, nice guy with a beautiful mind..." or the "cynical, jaded, heart-broken loner who no longer gives a damn about the world that was so cruel to him"...I guess the two are kinda the same thing...just a before/after kinda deal). Good luck, and your definately not alone in how you feel.

 

i like when guys are nervous. i think its cute. but thats me. lol

 

hey man dont worry about it the same is for me here im turning 25

i guess what you got to start thinking about is that its just a human there

i gave up on the situation when i was 13 or 15 somewhere around there because i noticed that females didnt like my presence when i was 7

so what you got to think that there is lots of great people out there that get by in life from being alone all the time great stuff can come from this experience

but i guess its always good to get into society like the way there telling you is to

keep copying one another by going out and talking to people kind of one big pit that you will be staring down into where everyone is doing the same thing

and then you wave your hand at them and be all like "how you all doing down there? copying one another like that"

 

That "tense, nervous" comment may not have been viewed corrently. I was saying that you should try to find casual situations where you actually ARE calm. If you don't expect a date out of these, they will be casual.

 

yeah man its about not getting worked up over the small stuff and really taking it easy. things like depression and nervousness only manifest if you dont think positively and dont believe in yourself. dont let women intimidate you man, and dont get all worked up and nervous over talking to a girl that you like, just be friendly and natural and the women will at some point come to you. you gotta just chill and realize certain things for yourself. it can take time, but you have plenty of time and man!, only talked to 4 girls at college in a month?? you gotta think of women just as the human beings that they are just like the guys in your life...why not approach a girl with the same calmness and ease that you would apporach a buddy of yours? and besides, if it makes you feel any better sex it quite overrated any way

 

Don't be so sad. Everything that happens take their own time.

 

hey, it's ok, like everyone else has said these things take time and although it sounds cliche sometimes waiting for the right person to come along is the best way. i met my boyfriend two years ago, before that i had no experience of anything really and thought i would never meet someone and be happy but we r still in together now and stronger than ever, so patience is the key and not to worry. you sound like a clever and nice guy, so im sure its only a matter of time before you meet a girl who appreciates that.

 

Ive just sort of accepted that I'm not on this planet to procreate.

you know, it really is a Christian thing to think that great feeling of fulfillment and "love" is going to come through a vagina. Truth is, it can be just as strong right now, as it could ever be.

also, do not fear self-hate. It is the energy of hate going through you that is changing you into something else. Let it flow more freely through you, you'll transform quicker.