going crazy?

you guys, i'm in tears right now. I've always been pretty normal. Granted, I've been depressed since childhood, but other than that, normal. And right now, I am having a freak out. And I have been for months now. It started with a few mild-to-rough panic attacks and now it's developed into the all out crazies. My mind seems to have lost the ability to filter my thoughts. Everything I think, I believe. I mean, I was petting my cat on the bed a minute ago and I thought to myself "I could crush her. I could do it. She's tiny and I'm gonna crush her!" and I wasn't scared... it was like I WANTED to. And to me, that's one of the most horrible things in the world, because I AM NOT AT ALL VIOLENT... I mean, I'm just so scared right now. I'm fantasizing about killing everyone including myself. THIS IS NOT SAFE! I am so scared and I am unable to get ahold of anyone who could help me. This has been happening, in various degrees, over the last few months. Never ever this intense, though, and always about weird little things, like I'd be in public and think... and I know this is fucking weird, so you don't have to tell me, but think something like "I could take off all my clothes!" or "I could steal that stuff!" and... you guys, do you know what could possibley be wrong with me? I've wracked the internet but I don't know what kind of strange delisional impulse diseases there are out there.. does anyone have any ideas? Please help me!

 

If you do not feel safe with yourself, immediately go to the hospital.

But, these thoughts you are having are anxiety and they are COMMON thoughts for people who suffer from serious anxiety disorders and panic disorder. I have these thoughts sometimes too. Like, for a while, I couldn't sit on my roof because I would think "I could so easily jump off" or driving I would think "I can crash my car at any moment." But I woulnd't WANT to do these things, i would just think them and freak myself out.

These thoughts do not mean you are crazy!
These thoughts DO NOT mean you are a bad person, realizing these thoughts and feeling guilt is proof that you would never do these things.
There is a difference between being suicidal and thinking about suicide and fearing these thoughts.


These thoughts are usually a by product of underlying anxiety and depression, not a signal that you are losing it.

Please PM me if any of this seems to make sense to you, there is help and there is hope, just be open and patient and realize that thoughts like these cannot hurt you.

 

I think this could possibly be a big problem.If you're not able or quite able to distuinguish fantasy from reality that could be a serious problem.If the lines between the two are getting that blurry that's not good.Sounds like you're frightened,I would be.
Only you know how intense this is.If you feel like you or others are in danger go to the hospital and check yourself in.If your drinking or smoking something other than cigarettes stop.
Good Luck.
Pm me if you feel like talking.
J

 

I feel your pain, I suffer from anxiety too.

The key is to remember that they are just thoughts. You are not your thoughts. Let them rise and fall, simply observe them. The mind is a funny thing, and if you think of things that seem strange to you sometimes, it doesn't mean you are a bad person or that you are going crazy. Just learn to not associate yourself with those thoughts, dont identify with them, realize they aren't you, and you will be fine.

PM me if you ever need to, I'm always available.

 

Welcome to my world
There are services at your hospital like 24 hour psychiatrists. Okey, you will be sat in a 1987 decor waiting room with groaning patients being wheeled into waiting area, and the smell of blood and disinfectant will ravage your senses with such profoundness.
But this waiting time can actually have a calming affect. YOu are in the company of other's. When you get around to a psychiatrist, make sure it is a cognitive therapist. It is the best as it makes you think. Afterward, you walk back home in the twilight of pre sunrise. THe dustmen have just begun, the early morning hospital shift has swung into motion, and the bloody birds start their Prom in the Tree symphony.

For me, self help tapes and other people, hospital and as much support you can get is what will be good for you. You need awareness of potential situations that can happen. For example a negative action can start a chain of negative events. Seemingly irrelivant decisions can send you to hell....and back.

TO be honest, this world is one of darkness. THere is a world of injustice where justice ought to be. The wicked usually live longer than those who try to do good. It is all the same, useless. But try and get help. Depending on where you are. If you live in London, I would say Turning Point DHP, Maudsley Unit and Lewisham uNiversity hospital.

 

i know how you feel, my mind starts rinning away sometimes and i get so busy following it i cant check where its going, i make decisions that afterwards im like why at any point did that seem like a good idea... now its mostly harmless stuff but i struggled with it very badly for a while, i was hospitalized many times and eventually went to residential, i finally have the paranoia under control.

when i find myself becoming unbalenced i try to stop and get things in check, i find a relitively quiet place and sit, usually in the half lotus position, and focus on my breathing, in, out, in, out, i allow my mind to wander but as each thought passes i acknowledge it and let it drift away as a new one enters my consiousness, i have learned to slow my breathing and relax my muscles to the point that i feel weightless and float away from my troubles, but then of course someone comes barging through the door looking for me or the phone rings and i crash back to realitly, i guess my point is try and find a way that you can disdence yourself atleast for a little while you'd be surprised the difference ten minures can make

if you are interested in trying to use mindfullnes as a means to cope i would recomend Peace Is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh i learned alot from that book and although i dont follow all of it i found it a good starting off point, hope that helps

 

Seek some professional people - nothing to be embarrassed about. Half the planet has similar issues, at least you recognize them

findpeace

jack

ps- I cant tell ya how many yrs I spent talking to VA shrink

 

I Suffered from Social Anxiety and Depression for many Years and Had the Same kind of Thoughts you are Having...Fantasies of killing People...

I am very Sorry you are Going through this...Since I Have No Advice to Give...=/

But I Have been there also and Do Not Worry because you are Not Alone...

 

You might have a problem, you might not.

This seems to affect 18 years olds the worst. I could write a book about why. They fear the future more often than not.

Much of it is nervous energy with no where to go except into fantasies.

Get out more. Give it somewhere to go. Channel it. Don't sit at home and nurse it.


x

 

I just looked at your profile. You are 18 right? Hell, when I was your age it was the start of the new Millennium. I admit I didn't have such anxieties as you describe at your age. But now 26, I get them all the time.

Eight years of loneliness, not one friend, years of turbulence, in and out of jobs, longterm unemployment, then a move to Lewisham, then prison and then postraumatic stress. If I commit suicide, living in Lewisham would be my only alibi
One thing you have is friends, you have family and hell I guess you have a girlfriend. You are luckier than some But this doesn't mean that you are happy. I mean you can have it all but still not be happy.

 

This is very good advice, but at the same time very hard advice to put into practice.

I think that's what makes anxiety so hard. The only solution is to do things that you are anxious about.

 

This man speaks the truth. But honestly, I think everyone's a little crazy themselves. But I'd rather be a little bit crazy in a crazy world, than completely insane.

That I doubt you are. Insanity and crazy, are (while synonomous) completely different.

 

Just to reiterate if it hasn't been said: This impulsive destructive thoughts are signs that there is a larger problem. Or you have a chemical imbalance but at you're age which is my age I'd go with the former.

Know that following them will make you feel more shitty and filthy the next day that can be imagined. No matter how frustrating it is to shut it off or channel the desires in positive ways it's never worth it to give in.

My advice somehow (therapy, talking with family members, talking out and resolving them by yourself) Find what is making you angry/sad/scared/dissatisfied. And rectify the problem.

When everything else is in balance those notions becomes so soft you eventually just stop hearing them.

Till whenever

 

Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Wonderland
Age: 18
Posts: 1,146

Wonderland. Cough splut* Hey maybe it is just the Fall.

 

I've been really nervous to go back to this thread, because I expected everyone to say i was faking or i was crazy or something. But instead, you guys gave me the greatest advice. These... I guess they're anxiety attacks... have gotten more frequent but often less severe. They're usually better in an environment where I know I can't freak out, like school or in a big crowd. Thanks so much for your support... really. By the way, I'm only 17. Idk why it says I'm eighteen. I think I joined when I was 15 and I thought I had to be 16 so I made myself 16. At any rate, I'm not allowed to see a therapist. When I was younger I went through a horrible fight with depression and I went to a psychologist and a therapist and both of them diagnosed me with... sort of faking it, I guess. Just trying to get attention. So my parents cut that off and said I couldn't go back. They're really unreasonable. But like I said, these attacks or whatever (i don't like to self-diagnose) are just getting more and more frequent as in, several a day. And I really don't know what to do, but I guess it's up to me until i turn 18 to deal with it. One person on here said something like "your thoughts are just thoughts, they're not real" and that phrase is sort of becoming a mantra for me when I start freaking... I guess that's all i have to say. thank you guys so much.

 

If you're seventeen you can go to a counselor of some sort, your parents can't really control your mental health issues.


It's important that you get this checked out. It sounds to me like it might be episodes of mania from manic (bipolar) depression. Mania can be dangerous and cause people to engage in some very harmful activities. It's not a big deal once its been diagnosed and treated, but it can be damaging in a lot of ways if left untreated.

Two numbers where you can get help if your parents arent helpful:

1-800-999-9999
Covenant House Nineline - Crisis line for youth, teens, and families. Locally based referrals throughout the United States. Help for youth and parents regarding drugs, abuse, homelessness, runaway children, and message relays.

NAMI Helpline National Alliance for the Mentally Ill 1-800-950-NAMI

 

I have a question that i don't want to make a new thread for.... I've actually been depressed my entire life. Like, I'm not being morbid or exagerrating, I've really always been very morose. And I'm just wondering if that might be evidence of an imbalance. I'm sort of hesitant to try medication therapy again unless I feel confident that it is something physical and that it isn't "all in my head". My doctor would probably put me back on Prozac.

 

sounds borderline OCD. get help if you think you need it. otherwise find an outlet and vent that energy OUT.

oh yeah and don't fear your thoughts too much. they can't hurt you

 

I don't know how strong these urges of yours are...but if you're just having thoughts about "the worst possible thing you could do" in any given situation, you are actually normal. I remember hearing people on the radio talking about it, and how it can make you think of bizarre scenarios even though you have no intention of doing them. Strange, I know...but you have nothing to worry about.

 

same thing happens to me man, been happening for about a year now well actually just over, alls u gotta have is hope. Just make it through day at a time and try to ignore the thoughts and dont attacch any significance to them and eveuntuall they will go away. Fake it to make it in a sense. Just know that you wouldent act on these thoughts and just chalk them up to anxiety. Trust me i know this can be hard but like REO speedwagon said just keep pushin on. In a way it has been a blessing for me, it has really forced me to consider what is important and what i enjoy as well as who i am. I try to find meaning in my anxiety/sufering. Your unconcious is much smarter than your concious so it is most likely your mind trying to tell u something, and what that is is up for u to decide. I still suffer from these types of thoughts but i am much better now than i was. HOpe i could be of some help, feel free to PM me if u want to just talk as i am experiencing similar things and would also like someone to talk to