I put this in another thread but I thought the love and sex forum would be a lot better place for this. I really love this girl more then anything but I just need to know if I should believe her and accept what happends and still be with her. My girlfriend went over to her friends house, and her friend got some dude to get them alcohol. This dude is friends with my girlfriends friend and my g/f has only seen him 2 times total. Well they get drunk and my g/f goes and passes out on her friends bed(Because her friend and this dude were starting to do things) in the early morning she feels a backrub, then NOTHING.... Then she flashes to where she's having sex with this dude, one point she thinks it's me(But thinks something is wrong), although at another time during the sex she remembers knownig it wasnt me but she was still doing it(For some reason). Then after he tells her her lets go to my place and wake and bake, then i'll take you home. She goes there they smoke and then he wants to have sex with her again, she says no, but gives him a blowjob(Because she was still drunk, high, confused, scared, etc... and didn't want him to actually rape her if she didnt.(She doesn't know why she did it still though)) then the next day she goes with her family to a waterpark and they stay there that night and she flat out tells me everything(the story above is a short cut version but it gives the idea). She feels really bad and got down on her knees crying for me to forgive her. I don't know if I should trust her or not? she's already got STD and pregnancy testing done which is negative for everything which is good. but should I trust her and still stay with her, we are together pretty much all the time and she is not the kind of girl you would expect to do this kind of thing. Was that being taken advantage of? Was that really not her fault? I just don't know... Does it seem like she is lying? She even called the cops for sexual assult, because she feels like it was horrible for him to have done what he did when she was so drunk. All i've heared is when you are drunk your true feelings come out and your bonderies are lifted and you act upon what you wanted in the first place. I've been drunk, totally fucking plastered so many times, and would still NEVER do something like this to her which makes it hard to trust... Edit: so far i've told her if it ever happeneds again we are done no matter what. And I will hold true to this. Is that fair? Also I tried to tell her I just don't want her drinking alcohol anymore, I know that sounds kinda of controlling but that is basically ALL i've ever asked her for, the only kind of controlling thing I have ever done, but it has such a good solid reason behind it, but she just will not accept that I don't like it when she drinks, and she refuses to stop and says she will drink if she wants to drink. Is that unfair to ask her that? I'm not even MAKING her which she seems to be making it out to be, I just asked her to please not. She's not any sort of alcoholic either, she only drinks maybe once a month if that. What is so hard about not drinking? IDK, but any advice on any of this is really appriciated... This happened over a month ago, and I don't think about it all the time, but it still haunts me at least every other day. It just wont leave, and she doesn't even seem to think about it anymore, she thinks I really have forgivin her and she thinks it will never happened again, but for some reason I can't trust that, and I'd feel bad if I told her I still cannot trust her in that aspect...
From my experience. If you don't trust her. You don't have a relationship. A relationship is all about TRUST and Communication(talking to each other). So hand in there. If you want to be with her and work it out but you need to tell her how you feel. Don't keep it bottled up. It will only work/or get to you. So hope it works out. A friend told me if you decide to get back togather or work it out. Then the stuff in the past stays in the past. You can't bring it up NO more. It will only bring back Pain and heartache. So do want you think is right. Hope it works out for you.
I have another question... Also above person, I think you might have misinterpreted what I was saying. Would what happened to my girlfriend be considered sexual assult or rape, because technically shit had consent at one point cuz she remembers saying things to him, but she also states that when she was feeling the backrub she thought it was me, and also, she doesn't remember starting the sex, but also states she thought it was me but thought something was wrong.
Mine said he always was thinking of me when he was doing what ever with her. SO you can believe what you want. But remember they are two sides to every story. Hope she is telling you right but you will never know the truth.
the man that did that to her is a dirtbag. i don't know about what's considered legal (besides the fact that i'm assuming she is underage and he is not...) but that's just not right. even if she let it happen, he has the moral obligation NOT to have sex with a girl that's obviously too drunk to make a conscious decision. kick his ass.
She had just turned 18 about a week and a half before this happened, and I really realize that now as I had an experience when drunk(not of the same sort) but where I really was not me and having a lot of the same things happened to me that she described, also she had been smoking pot when this happened so that could also have been a factor to not saying no, but yes, I find it wrong of this guy and do not blame my girlfriend. she Realized she shouldn't have put herself into the situation where it could have happened in the first place. She sees things a lot differently now, and I really believer her when she tells me that, shes also has an overall more positive attitude about her life and me now which really makes me happy. She leared a good(not in a good way) lesson and im not mad at her for it, but she really didn't deserve what happened to her.
FUck that!!! u cant blame a bit of it on weed... She should have stuck up for herself and told him to stop and then u would not be in this situation... I think that it is a whole bunch of bull shit and for her to go back to his house in the morning u know that alot of the alcohol wore off and she could think a little bit so that part is supa fucked up... And when they were drinking i know that all i do is talk about my boyfriend and anyone who has just met me even knows that we r togeather so there for they wouldnt try ne thing thinking that im already taken maybe your g/f should talk about u more too... i hate it when girls just blame it on the guy thats "trying to take advantage of her" fucking grow some balls and stick up for your relationship if u dont have enough respect for your relationship and your other half then u dont deserve to be in a relatonship... i love my man and i know that no one could ever take advantage of me or hurt r relatonship in ne way b.c i would not let that happen b.c i love him more than that and ur girlfriend should take a good look at herself and her position in the relationship and c what she really wants and not get shit faced w.o u and w. another guy... doi/ almost double doi
I talked to her friend afterwords (Not the dude) and she said she was actually indeed talking about me pretty much the whole time and the dude DID know that we were together, another thing I didn't mention is that while he was having sex with her he told her not to to tell her friend and that she could consider this free sex with another girl for me, my girlfriend told me this... Also, this is a bad dude, we figured out he has a warrent out for his arrest, charges on assult and gta, this is not a respectful dude, I really believe this was not my girlfriends fault. He was also telling my girlfriend and her friend earlier that night he's not afraid to blow someones head off with his shotgun if they pissed him off. She said other then that he seemed like a really nice dude, and he was there for her friend, not her, but he decieved her friend too, her friend never expected this to happened(but somehow we figure that her friend had somehow set this up aswell) oh well its gone and over. I don't want to think about this situation anymore. Im doing good in my relationship now, really good.
Just because someone is in truouble w. the law does not make him a non respectful person first off and if he is so crazy and shit then why would she be alone w. him... All and all it was up to her and if she was so scared of him and he was gana blow her head off why would she go back w. him in the morning... Sounds stupid and sounds like u got FUCKED OVER dont worrie she will just do this again and she will make up another excuse to cover her ass... girls are all just bitches and hoes and its better that u learn that now while u dont have a ring on ur finger and can find the right bitch or hoe
its not too controlling of you to ask her not to drink if she cant control herself or you cant trust her when she drinks.
Also, she wasn't alone, Her friend was in the same room(it was an appartment) on the couch, the dude was also on the couch with my g/f friend and that's why my g/f layed down on the other side of the room on her friends bed. I really don't think it was her fault.
Sorry but.. you can't blame everything on alcohol. I hate it when people in a relationship make up excuses about hooking up with people or doing things with people and then saying "I was drunk, I didn't know what I was doing". Ahhh Pretty sure you do mate. Alcohol affects you're motor skills and social abilities, NOT you're decision making. And, why was you're GF at her friends house with another guy there? That's a bit strange. In that situation it's either you're GF was going to be left alone in an awkward situation while her friend and the other guy were off doing something else, or she was expecting something to happen with maybe more guys showing up. Think about it. Plus, if you can't handle you're drinks why drink at all? The point in drinking is not passing out, it's to have fun making a fool out of your self without any caring because everyone is in the same situation.
I think it's too controlling of you to "ask" her not to drink. I caught my fiance "talking" to other people awhile back, on the internet (myspace, cragislist).. But I'm not banning him from the internet! You just have to work past it.. If you've decided that you want to trust her and stay in your relationship, do your best to trust her. Simple as that.
I really thing it wasnt her fault still, when I talked to her friend the night I found out it happpened her friend said my girlfriend was good and wasn't doing anything she shouldn't her friend didn't even know it happened(As far as she said, IDK if I can trust her or not). What happened was(From my girlfriends story) was that she was indeed in an awkward situation because her friend and the dude started doing things on the couch and she wanted away so she went and passed out on the bed on the other side of the room/apartment. idk, I still think about it a lot wondering what really happened, but it doesn't effect our relationship at all.
I for one would NEVER forgive my bf. I would fuck his best friend and worst enemy if the bastard ever cheated on me. "2 wrongs don't make a right". But at least I wont be crying my eyes out everyday and night. And you.. you should know better. If you're GF lies about something her friend would back her up. It's like if you lied about something you know you're friend would back you up. You should also consider the fact that she did NOTHING in her defense while it was happening. She went along with it. Did she not have her hands free? Did she not have her feet? She could of grabbed and squeezed his balls and attempt to rip them off. What can he do while shes doing that? Nothing. He'd be too busy slightly paralyzed and in great pain. She could of also pretended to get on top but really kick him in the balls and run off. But no. She loved it. She even stayed there while her GF and the guy were doing stuff. A normal person would leave or invite someone else to keep them company. Not drink till you drop. That's stupid.
Trust is a biggie but I would say forgive her this once. I'd say forgive this time but don't forget. It seems like you've got a handle on the situation and that she knows if it happens again it's over so yea I think you've got it
