Weed Convo - Monte Cristo book review

Pt. 1:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HhoI5h1HQhA

Pt. 2:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLxtvSoBooY

Pt. 3:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gYnWQEKS_E

Pt. 4:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYRFpKPVFkI

MONTE CRISTO


Gather 'round, niggas. I wanna tell yall 'bout this book I read. Aiight, bet... So my nigga Edmond Dantes was livin' in, like, the 1800s and shit; in France and shit. This nigga was a sailor and shit on the Pharaon. Workin' hard and shit; savin' up his bread and shit. That's all that nigga would do, fam. When he would be out at sea, dude wouldn't even spend none of his doe. Nigga straight had the shoebox on they ass and shit.

So the Pharaon arrives back in town and shit. The owner of the ship saw that the nigga Dantes was puttin' in so much work that he promoted the nigga to captain! Meanwhile, this hatin' ass nigga named Danglars was plottin' and shit. Heain't like Dantes. Nigga stayed schemin' and shit. Danglars was, like, the accountant on the ship; the "purser," and shit. And he hated the nigga Edmond eva since Edmond challenged him to a duel on the island of Monte Cristo. So the nigga Danglars get kinda salty that Edmond was promoted to captain. And he start thinkin', "What can I do to fuck this nigga whole shit up?"

Back then was when the French was havin' they revolution and shit. Napoleon had just been defeated at Waterloo or whateva and anybody caught dealin' with him was considered a snake. So Danglars said, "Peep this: I'ma write a letter saying that Dantes is fuckin' with them Napoleonic rebel niggas and hand it off to the magistrate. Word up!" So the nigga draft the letter. And insteada givin' it straight to the magistrate, he fell back and shit.

When the ship got on land and shit, my nigga Edmond went back to the hood and hit his pops off with some bread. Then he went and saw his girl, Mercedes. So, dude had been out at sea for, like, 3 months. And he ain't see his girl in a minute. And he was plannin' on marryin' her when he got back home and shit. The whole time he was with her, the nigga Danglars was just watchin' him from far away. And Danglars seent this nigga named Fernand who was in love with Mercedes eva since the nigga Edmond was out at sea. Now, the nigga Fernand was feelin' Mercedes, but she still wasn't givin' him no ass. She was wifey material, so she wasn't even creepin' on this nigga Dantes. So Danglars was like, "Yo, I can use this nigga Fernand." And when he finished writin' the letter, he got the nigga Fernand to submit it to the magistrate; as like a middle man and shit. So, right on the night when this nigga Edmond is 'bout to get married and shit, the cops came and did this nigga dirty.

Dude was at the dinner table and shit–mad food and shit–and a nigga ran up in there on some, "Yo, which one of yall niggas is Dantes?"

Dantes was like, "Me."

"You under arrest, you bitch ass, trick ass, fake ass, snake ass nigga.”

Nigga Dantes played it cool, like, “Fa what?”

And they said, “You runnin' with that nigga Napoleon."

And they took that nigga to jail! Offa some bullshit! So the family confused. Dantes confused. His girl confused. None of them niggas knew what happened. They took the nigga to court and it was a young judge–Monsieur Villefort, ‘cause you know how them French crackas be talkin’ and shit–who was hearin' the case.

And the nigga Villefort was like, "Yo, I KNOW you innocent, fam. I heard about you from your boss, Morrel. Ain't no fuckin' way you did this shit they accusin' you of, fam. Don't even sweat that shit. I'ma get you out."

Aiight, bet. Nigga Edmond was like, "Fa sho."

But them niggas Danglars and Fernand explained to Villefort like, "Yo, if you keep this nigga in jail, you mightca get a promotion! ‘Cause the nigga Edmond is a trick ass, bitch ass, fake ass, snake ass nigga, fam. So, on some real shit, you’d be helpin’ stop a rebellion from poppin’ off. And you know once us crackas get to rebellin’, we start world wars and shit. You feel me?"

They say he stopped a rebellion 'cause written on the letter was Napoleon's plans to re-take France. And they was tryna say Dantes was like Napoleon's personal messenger. So this nigga was in jail, fam. For 14 years and shit! This nigga wanted to die, fam. On more than one time, the nigga tried to starve himself. 'Cause just think: "It was all good just a week ago." Nigga had a wife, a good dad; nigga used to live in the hood and he was promoted to captain. And just like that, all that shit was gone. That nigga lost hard.

Then dude was in the cell one night and he heard this old nigga's voice on the other side and shit. So him and the old dude started buildin' and shit. And the old dude was this ancient, mystic type mu’fucka who knew everything about everything. So the old dude ended up teachin' this nigga Edmond mad shit. This nigga Edmond learnt how to poison niggas, how to cook, how to read and write; nigga knew alchemy, fam! Off the no bullshit, this nigga knew alchemy. Crazy! Nigga stepped his vocabulary game up and shit. On some Poet Laureate shit, you feel me?

And so, them niggas is sittin' in jail one night, talkin' and shit... And the old nigga ask Edmond out the blue, "Yo, what you in here for?"

And the nigga Edmond told him eything that went down. He told him, "Far as I know, I ain't have beef with nobody. And I wasn't doin' niggas dirty. This shit literally happent outta nowhere, fam."

And the old nigga kept pressin' him, like, "Yo, E', just think back for a seckint, my nigga. I want you to really, really think hard and tell me if it was even one nigga who used to look at you sideways."

So the nigga Edmond thought about it, let it marinate and shit, and then he muttered one name. This nigga said, "Danglars."

The old nigga said, "Yo, son, what happent?"

And Edmond said, "Yo, this nigga Danglars is a bitch, son. We was on the ship and shit, right... And so, he was runnin' off at the mouth and I challenged him to a duel and shit in front of the whole crew; but this nigga was pussy. He ain't want no parts of me. I always told him if he ever wanted to shoot the one-on-one to holla at me and he been salty ever since. I stole that nigga manhood."

At this moment, the old nigga said, "A ha!"

And the old nigga was so wise and knowledgeable of evildoing and political tactics that he told Edmond everything that he was blind to about his situation. Without even knowin' them niggas, the old dude was able to tell Edmond what Danglars and Fernand and Villefort had did and they role in the plot and eything, fam. And then this nigga Edmond got heated.

The old nigga was like, "Yo, I feel bad for tellin' you everything 'cause now, you corrupted. You usedta be a good nigga, but from here on, I know all you gonna do is plot on how to get revenge on them niggas. Just be easy, though, my nigga. Don't let the thirst for revenge fog ya vision."

And Edmond was like, "Aiight."

So Edmond stayed in jail for a lil' bit longer. The old dude had a stroke. But, before he had the stroke, he showed this nigga Edmond this map of this island and shit.

He said, "It's this treasure on this island, nigga. Go get it when I die. It's equal to, like, the wealth of 10 kings and shit. It's yours, nigga."

Then the old dude died. Then this dude Edmond broke outta jail. He pretended to be dead and they wrapped him in a sheet and threw him into the ocean. (This the only part of the book that seems a lil' far-fetched since the nigga actually survived it.) The nigga finally reach the island. The island was the same island him and Danglars was gon’ get it in at. So the same shit that ended up cursin’ him ended up blessin’ him, too. You feel me? I ain’t even gon’ repeat that one. If niggas missed it, they missed it. Dantes found the treasure and it was a wrap. Nigga got his gear up; nigga bought a boat and shit. He was still low-key, though; plus he looked mad different. So he figured, "Yeah, them niggas who did me dirty prolly ain't even gonna recognize me. I'ma catch them niggas sleepin'." First thing he did after he got his fade done was went back to the hood. If you notice, that’s always the first thing he do in the book whenever he stack his bread proper. He was stressin' and shit. He went home... And his mu'fuckin' father had died. Nigga died of hunger, fam! No bread, no grain, no nuffin'. This drove my nigga Dantes berserk. Then he heard from one of his niggas that his girl was married to the dude Fernand. So this nigga was stressin'. Shit was like that N.O.R.E. song on the Belly soundtrack: "Sometimes I got money and I still feel broke."

Then he recognized one of his mans from before he got locked up. This dude named Caderousse (and don’t even ask me how to pronounce it, fam) owned his own business and shit. So he started up a conversation with Caderousse, but, at the same time, dude didn't know that he was Edmond Dantes. And the whole time they talkin', this nigga just gatherin' all the information and shit.

He like, "Yo, didn't a nigga named Danglars usedta live around here? What happent to that nigga? And what about that nigga Villefort? He still makin' his money?"

They smokin' and shit; drinkin' French red wine and shit.

And Caderousse say, "Yeah, ALL them niggas is still around. I think Fernand married that chick Mercedes, too."

Then Monte Cristo ('cause by this point, that's all the book call him) asks the dude, "Yo, whatever happent to that one nigga... I forgot his name. Mu'fuckin'... mu'fuckin'... Edmond! Yeah, Edmond! That was my nigga back in the day. He around?"

And Caderousse go, "Nahhhhhhhhhh... Yo, real talk," and here, he leaned in and whispered that shit, "don't tell nobody–but Danglars'anem did that nigga DIRTY, fam. Off the no bullshit, they did that nigga dirty."

So Monte Cristo get real attentive, like, "Worrrrrrrrd?"

"Yeah, fam. Check this out: these niggas forged a letter sayin' he was down with Napoleon and got that nigga locked up on the night before his wedding; on some grimey shit, fam."

Monte Cristo was like, "Hold up. You knew about this shit and you ain't do nothin'?"

And outta nowhere, dude started cryin'. He was like, "Yo, man, I was drunk as hell that night and they asked me not to say nothin'."

And Monte Cristo was like, "Nigga, stop cryin'." 'Cause he saw that dude really didn't do nothing wrong. It wasn't like him and Monte Cristo was tight like that; and he wasn't tryna snitch.

Right when he was leavin', he left Caderousse this big ass diamond as thanks for all the information he had gave him. Then he went to check on the nigga Morrel that he usedta work for and Morrel was damn near bankrupt. Morrel was the nigga that promoted him to captain, ‘member?

In August Morrel said, "Yo, if my money ain't right in one month from today, I'ma blow my brains out." On some B.I.G. shit. On some "Everyday Struggle shit," you feel me?

And the nigga Monte Cristo befriended Morrel, but again, Morrel ain't know it was Edmond. And the nigga Monte Cristo waited ‘til the very last day when dude was 'bout to blow his head off, then he gave that nigga Morrel MAAAD money; like enough to pay his bills and eything. That was the last act of compassion that he showed. But when he gave Morrel the money, he didn't even let him know who he was. Same with Caderousse; he ain't let either of them know his real identity. Then he had this ill ass quote at the end of that chapter. That shit went something like: "Yo, this the last good deed I'ma do. Now, I'ma straight BODY all them niggas who did me dirty because I'm God's instrument and God is gonna use me to straight PUNISH them niggas!" And he set off into the dark. Yeah, man...


MONTE CRISTO (CONTD.)

So the nigga Edmond–at this point in the book, known exclusively as The Count of Monte Cristo–got his money right and was 'bout to start gettin' at all them niggas who did him dirty.

First nigga he got at was the nigga Fernand. Fernand, in case youon't remember, was the nigga that handed the note to the magistrate and sent that nigga Dante to prison and shit. In all them years, this nigga moved up fast, fam. Nigga became a fuckin' Senator and shit; nigga had a few million Francs and shit; and he stole Dante girl and shit. So this nigga was prolly thinkin', "Yo, who? Nah, we got that nigga into some shit mad long ago. Fuck that nigga. He ain't doin' shit; ol’ snake ass, fake ass, bitch ass, trick ass nigga. Fuck that nigga!" Plus, all this time, they thought the nigga was dead. Rumors spread that Dante died and shit while he was locked up.

So what happent was, nigga Monte Criso was cruisin' through Italy and shit. And at the same time the nigga cruisin', he run into this lil' nigga named Albert. Dawg, it turn out that Albert was mu'fuckin'... fuckin' Fernand's son and shit, fam! So the nigga Monte Cristo say, "Aiight, bet. Watch what I'ma do: I already know the hardest stick-up kid in Italy. What I'ma do is, I'ma get that nigga to kidnap dude son and demand this high ass ransom price or else they gon' kill him." Then, he was like, "Right when they 'bout to kill that nigga, I'ma come rescue him. That way, this lil' nigga is indebted to me when we get back to France." Word. And that's exactly what happent. And so the nigga got back to France and bought a big ass house. And just laid up in the cut. And he started befriendin' them niggas who did him dirty.

The nigga Danglars was still around. He was a banker and shit; this real fat, rich ass banker. So Monte Cristo went to the bank, and as part of his scheme, he showed the nigga all his jewels and shit.

Danglars was so astonished at how much shine the nigga jewels had, he said, "Yo! Give this nigga unlimited credit! However much he tryna get a loan for, automatically approve that shit. You heard?"

And the teller was like, "Yeah. I heard." But under his breath, the teller mumbled, “You bitch ass nigga.”

So the nigga Monte Cristo is chillin'. He gettin' real intimate with them niggas. At the same time he see Fernand, he also see Mercedes, the chick he used to bone back in the day. This made him get nostalgic and shit. Nostalgic is, like, thinkin’ of the old days and shit. This dude start thinkin' 'bout how the nigga Fernand stole his girl and shit.

Then my nigga M. Crizzy said, "Yo, I gotta step my game up."

Aiyo, next thing this nigga did, since he couldn't be with ol' girl, he went and got up with Haydee, this lil' young, Middle Eastern princess or some shit. She was like the daughter of this sultan and shit. But yo, imagine, like, this lil' smart, attractive woman who just kinda stay inside and read all day. That's what Haydee was like. But she was cool, though. She was probably black, too. Or brown or sum’n’ out this mu'fucka. You feel me?

It was some uhva niggas around the way, too. Like the dude Morrel, that nigga had a whole family. Dude had a son named Maximillian and Monte Cristo took a liking to him (no homo). He saw this lil' nigga and felt like, "Yo, that used to be me when I was his age." On some Reasonable Doubt, "Coming of Age" type shit. So he took the lil' nigga under his wing. Think of it like: Maximillian was, like, his protege and shit. Protege is somebody who, like... study under you and shit. Word up. So he started to find out about Maximillian upbringin' and shit; his paper chase and shit. The nigga Maximillian almost made Monte Cristo cry 'cause he was tellin' the nigga about the time some masked man saved his dad from committing suicide. And the nigga Monte Cristo just list'nin' to the nigga, like, "Yo... that was me!" But he couldn't tell him, 'cause it woulda fucked up his plot for revenge.

So he just keep it all to hisself, like, "Word? That's wassup."

But Maximillian said he wanted to thank the dude who did that. So off the strength of that, Monte Cristo and dude started kickin' it. And so long story short, he do all them niggas dirty. The nigga Danglars, he take out so big a loan that the nigga go bankrupt and skip town. Then when he outta town, he get robbed by them niggas who kidnapped lil’ Albert in Italy and shit. The nigga Fernand, since he a Senator and shit, Monte Cristo reveal all his dirt on, like, their Parliament floor and shit. Turned out this nigga Fernand was down with the feds and ain't nobody know it. So dude was humiliated and lost his honor. His family ended up leavin' him and shit.

Albert was like, to his moms and shit, "Yo, I grew up rich, but my dad's a bitch ass nigga. I need to leave all this shit behind and make a name for my own damn self. You feel me?"

And his mom, Mercedes (the chick Dante usedta bone), was like, "Yo, I'm leaving, too."

But you woulda thought her and Monte Cristo woulda ended up gettin' back together, but they don't. The nigga just play it smooth, like, whateva. But yo, the nigga Albert ended up joining the army, fam! And going to fight in Algeria (in other words, to oppress black people). Dude was a racist. Fuck him.

The nigga Villefort (the magistrate dude who coulda got him off the hook), yo fam... this nigga prolly got it the worst, fam. Matter fact, that might be like a thematic type statement or some shit. Like, maybe Dumas (the nigga that wrote the book for my niggas who was smokin' when they read this and forgot by now) was tryna say that government niggas who do dirt, they payback is even worse than regular niggas 'cause they the ones leadin' the people and shit. Word up. Jesus said the same thing, you feel me? Aiyo, peep what happent to this nigga Villie-Ville: his wife died, his kids died, this nigga dad died, this nigga mom died. Yo, literally everybody in his family died except him and his daughter. This nigga lost his mind at the end of the book–literally went crazy and shit, fam. His daughter had an arranged marriage to some bourgeois dude, but she ended up running away with Maximillian. Niggas thought she died on the way, but Monte Cristo studied all that alchemy shit while he was locked up ('member?) and made some potion to bring her back to life. Word.

The last scene is, Monte Cristo tell the young girl Haydee that he loves her and shit. That was ja outta left field, though. And then them niggas sail off into the sunset. Oh yeah, and because he liked the dude Maximillian, he gave him, like, half his treasure and shit.

He was like, "Yo, this for you and ya girl. Hold dat for me."

And that was the end. It's crazy cause, although they did that nigga dirty, you gotta understand that he spent 14 years in jail, 14 years gettin' his money right, 14 years gettin' revenge. Like this nigga was consumed with the idea of revenge, so much so that he overlooked all the other shit that matter. Nigga didn't even care about Mercedes; he just wanted revenge and shit. But by the end of the book he realize he was wylin'. Maybe.

 

LolOLOLOllol..


...


wahahaaha

Fuckin' brilliant

 

wow... i didnt read any of that...

 

hahahaha xD.

i read all of it

 

montecristo is a decent brand of cigars.

both the dominican and cuban varieties. the cuban variety is the better brand, though.

 

I'm about to roll two or three jays and record a video reading this out loud for the full effect. Give me some time...

 

Well I peed a little, that was the funniest fucking shit ever, I want to redo that as a play with friends word for word haha, but it prolly won't happen as I am stoned and once sobriety hits it won't seem like such a good idea.

 

I have to say El, that was some great interpretation of what is a really good book. I really really like how you took the time to write this. All I have to say is thank you. I look forward to seeing you do this on You Tube.

 

Damn thank you for joining this site, your fuckin howls man!

 

Lol, I'd love to see this.

 

Wow i have no attention span when im baked.. Il have to wait for the video version

 

Its acutaly quite accurate. Lol and prety funny.

 

Just finished recording the video.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk...

This shit is 35 minutes long, so it's gonna be 1.3 fucking gigs, man. Goddammit this is gonna be brutal on my piece-of-shit computer.

Aiight, now comes the hard part: patience.

This shit probably won't be on youtube for another 2 (possibly 3 or 4) hours. Gotta break it up into 3-4 segments.

I'll be back later with the link/s.

Peace.

 

ROFLMAO hahahaha!

that was awesome, im crying!

 

Damn... I need some help, yall.

When I try to move the file from my digital camera to my computer, the transfer is unsuccessful.

Is the file too big?

What the fuck should I do?

I didn't record 35 fucking minutes of this shit for nothing.

Can anyone help me out? What's going on? Is there a way around this error?

 

Gonna try transferring the file on my laptop.

This shit better work.

 

Lol, is your hardrive full? How much space does it have?

 

We're in business. Laptop's taking the file.

Only problem now is that there's no wireless signal. So I'll have to hold the video on the laptop until either tomorrow or Monday when I can go somewhere and get online.

Or maybe I'll luck up and get a signal tonight. Fuck it, we'll see.

At least the video can go onto a computer.

Never on schedule, but always on time.

So if it isn't up tonight, my apologies. But it WILL be up soon.

 

Ok... Laptop has internet...

Uploadin' part 1 now...

 

Pt. 1:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HhoI5h1HQhA

Give it a few minutes for youtube to finish processing the video and it should be ready to go.