Being me sucks sometimes.

I'm having a manic episode right now. I'm all twitchy and full of creative ideas and wit. But I know I'm going to be so, so low soon.

*twitch*

 

have sex, and write something.

 

My husband is asleep on the couch. The last time I tried to *wake him up* I got an elbow to the face. lol

 

girl. i dont wanna seem like a know it all but i know a lot about this type of stuff. there is a way you can work it and not have to worry bout label n keep it all. the first step is just loving the highs and then realizing they fade and you dont need a label. it's life.. use the highs to downgrade the lows. it DOES work. it's all about balance.

 

I'm trying. It's not easy. The lows keep getting lower and lower. Anti-depressents don't work for me. At all. I've quadrupled my doses on a few different medications, and nothing.

 

dont do antidepressants. all they do is make a person suicidal and make you not want to have sex or have you dry (the girl version).. i know believe me.

feel your feelings... they arent wrong... being sad is NORMAL. then pull yourself out. good music, dancing, excercise...anything like that and talk to me if you really want help outta depression. ive pulled myself out more then once from a HUGE REAL depressoin. i guarantee that dealiing with the issues and music, dancing, fucking real friends and well... a little bit of hope mixed with patience... works. much love.

 

was just thinking
i think the biggest lesson ppl in general need to learn is
dont fight feelings
kill antidepressants seriously
kill trying to hide how you feel
if you feel something no matter WHAT that emotion is
there is a reason.
its NORMAL. why fight it?
no one is immune to fighting emotions but as soon as people realize the human condition and that we all feel... and then take said emotion and learn and grow from it.. once you tell youself you are okay... it's a HUGE learning process. unfortunally its sooo mainstream to try to cut off emotions.. you know, ignore them. cure them.
fuck curing them. every emotion has a purpose and to numb a person well.. you'll never learn from it.

embrace emotions and you will never feel depressed again.

 

I'm all about embracing emotions. When they have a good reason to be around. But I have a good life. Wonderful children, A supportive husband. I get so bad sometimes, that I have to hide in the bathroom at work and cry because I can't get the image of my own bloody wrists out of my head. I like my life. I don't want to hurt myself. It's been ten years, and it's gotten so much worse lately. I'm taking it out on my husband. I can't function at work sometimes. I need help. My therepist can't help me. She told me I'm doing everything I should be doing to cope. So what do I do? because what I'm doing now isn't enough.

 

talk to yourself out loud...

 

I'll try, shroom. I can't possibly seem any crazier than I already do lol

 

read.

 

I did get the new Terry Brooks book....^_^

Now if I could only get myself off these fucking forums.

 

sweetie.. that is sad. (not in a mean way).... do you have any idea why you feel like that? i'm guessing you probably have some repressed emotions that you dont want to.. and worse.. CAN'T feel. we build up walls.
id say the first step to getting rid of it is search for the WHYS. why do you feel like that? im guessing its hidden from you... but im sure (sure!!!) there is a hidden reason. search yourself out and you will find it.. i believe it. once you understand what is causing it, you can stop it. i know it is hard but i believe that life is not hard and if youi do the work.. you CAN make it go away.

 

you may be here for a reason. to let out emotions and figure things out.
you'll be okay but seriously try to find the cause. the root of the problem. once it is figured out you can defeat it.

 

read your books out loud...

I'm a fast reader, but when I read books out loud (yes, I read them out loud at times) I read them slower.. what does this mean...

you could just make a thread or in this one and just spill out your brain...

 

But if I spill my brains, the zombies might come.

 

Eat the zombies brains . its fun.

im still learning to kill panic attacks via finding the cause. it's hard with panic.

but there is ALWAYS a root cause and solution to everything. good luck and you CAN do it.

 

let them come and feast... seriously, just spew it out, I do, it's quite releasing and nice..

l

 

Ok, off topic a little bit.

Like, I had a bunch of people I didn't know AT ALL over to watch the democratic nation convention a while ago. And I freaked out and had to leave after they did 'cause I could smell them? WTF? One woman was on her period, I could smell her in the bathroom. iIt drove me insane and twitchy. I'm usually okay with people. But I had to clean everything afterward.

 

hmmm slap me around if this sounds bitchy. i dont doubt you have extraordinary senses.. most people who feel deeply and depression is included do... but did you stop to think that that is a human thing? and well she might have clots n be embarrassed? just sayin. be kind.