i wrote a song. and i think it's pretty.

"Pink Noses"
with pink noses we walked
the buildings looked like tetris blocks
in the city that we got lost.
are we still lost?

condesation masking the windows
you slept still with your little pink nose
and so i got a little close
and you sing it in a little song you wrote

and now
you dont answer your phone
i didn't move to move away
and frequently at first you stayed
and in this brand new bed we'd stay up late

but it's getting tough to catch you awake
and you said you shouldn't stay with me
in this only time you should be young and free
but i'm too selfish and you're too important to me
and compared to that the distance is obsolete

are we done falling in love?
and the only place to fall now
is in our sperate beds inour spereate towns
cause the miles follow me back home

and i'm begging please dont' leave me so alone
and i'm reaching as far as my limbs will show
and you turned around
you've got better palces to go

and i'm sniffling wit my little pink nose
with no one to get a little close

and i meant it when i said i love you the most
and i'd ask you but you won't answer your phone.

"Like Veins Like Vines"

Our arms like veins like vines
they slowly intertwine
til we are what we despise
and strangely that' alright

you wan the best or the worst
you didn't get here first

but sometimes all i need its a little mediocrity
but we don't have a match
so we dot light up easily

we re stable on the ground
dont dust yourself off now
dont you buikd a staicase dear
cause i'd have to stay down here

it would be such a long climb
and i'm lazy
and this was supposed to be easy
and i don't know how i would do
with feeling tired and looking sore
but i feel better knowing you're not second anymore

Our arms like veins like vines
they slowly intertwine
til we are what we despise
and strangely that' alright

but sometimes all i need its a little mediocrity
but we don't have a match
so we dot light up easily


sticks and stones
they have been known
to spark a fire or two
smouldering slowly in my bones
and spreading out to you.





i don't know how to post a recording. what do you guys think?

 

someone please say something! or tell me how to post a song?

 

You should post this in the poetry forum. It's good, although there are some forced rhymes. I won't give you anymore critique until you post in the poetry forum .

 

if you have a recording, upload it with some sort of file uploader. youtube maybe? www.putfile.com ?

 

Hi, maybe you should try making a Myspace or something, it's really easy!
Putfile can be very slow and then you'd have to ask everyone to download something, and they'd only have a week or a month in wich to do this...
A myspace allows people to just stream it...

Looking forwards to HEARING your song

Goodluck with it!

Peace

 

here it is:
http://www.myspace.com/BunnySuitSingsSongs

PLEASE tell me what you think! I will probably take it down soon.

 

I think it's a beautiful song!

 

thank you so much for listening to it!!!

 

this is obnoxious that i'm doing this. but i'm going to bump this to see if anyone else will listen to it. I'm really curious, and would LOVE any critique at all. Please & Thank you

 

damn you're a lot better than I was expecting.
very lovely composition.

 

i'm glad! Thank you so much for listening.

 

do you record individual tracks?
like guitar on one and your voice on another?

if you do, I would love to mix/master one of your tracks sometime.

 

I have before. But my partner (the one i did like veins like vines with) is the one that really takes care of the recording. I just go to his garage and sing. He takes care of everything else pretty much.

 

And this is one of two that we've successfully recorded and everything. It's taken quite a long time.

 

radical

 

the only thing I would critique is that the xylophone (or bells or whatever they are)
are just a LITTLE off time.
that's it, though.

 

ahh. that was my doing. I really appreciate you listening! I can't even tell you how excited i am that someone heard it.

 

oh wow....I was pleasantly suprised!!
you have a beautiful voice

 

thank you very much!
can i ask why you were so suprised?

 

uhmmm, I'm not really sure why...maybe because i read the lyrics before listening to the song and they seemed a little choppy...then I heard it to music and it flowed quite well.... your voice really blew me away, not what i would've imagined you to sound like.