Lately it feels like my biological clock is ticking. This is really hard to explain but it feels like my body, my mind, and my soul are ready to become a mommy, but I'm only 19. I live on my own (well, with my boyfriend), I work, and I'm in the midst of my college education. Its just that the thought of going to school for the next however many years and then working just upsets me. That's not really my goal in life, and I know that one is never too old to learn anything. Like I said, this is really hard to explain, and I'm just wondering if anyone else has felt like this. I'm also wondering if I'm having such a hard time coming to terms with the fact that all I want to do is settle and have a family, is because of my age itself or what society thinks a girl my age should feel. I don't know, I'm sorry if this was really choppy. Any thoughts?
I feel the exact same way, but let me just stress how important it is to establish something for yourself first. You cant do much if you dont at least have a college education, and you cannot rely on some guy no matter how much you love each other. Always be prepared. Grow a little more, see the world, and you can give your baby everything you want to when you have made a foundation for yourself.
Get a puppy/kitty first and see if that helps the mommy-itus. I'm not making a joke, this can help with understanding and balancing life's priorities. Please concentrate on getting a stable lifestyle for yourself before you delve into becoming a parent. Maybe you can volunteer at your local Big Brother/Big Sisters, daycare or whatever nearby organization has children to help with these feelings.
You're getting caught up in what society expects of you. You need to lay down the law to yourself and set priorities. Otherwise, your future may be one of single motherhood depending on welfare. You'll be a much better mother with more life experience under your belt. Wait for it. At least until you have some skills to provide for yourself. Don't rely on a man to support you if you don't have to. x
society DOES NOT expect a 19 year old to have a child. we pity that. unless you've experienced the desperation to have a child that borders on mania, you can't really understand. it's like searching desperately for water when you're thirsty. these things can be dealt with properly, bring a child into the world is defferent than slaking a thirst. the desperation for a child is not something that is society based. some women never feel it, and that natural, too. but it should be belittled as a societal push. i never wanted kids until i was practically salivating for one.
cate, i love you, and for the most part, i agree with your advice. but that part i bolded... well, quite frankly it quite offends me and i think it's just plain old bullshit. yes, women need to have a way to support themselves AND their children. but there are SO many other ways of supporting yourself other than having a college education. in fact, i know a lot of people who are up to their eyeballs in college debt and are still working at fast food joints because they can't find jobs in their field. how does THAT prepare you for being a parent? this isn't a debate on whether or not anyone should go to college... but to the original poster... i understand the babyitis. i've got it BAD. my priorities in life aren't having a huge house and big car or most of the things people would call "a comfortable life." my priorities are to have stability prior to having a baby. my stability is probably different than others'... for me, it means i need to have a place to live that is just for me, my baby, and my loverman life partner. i need to be able to afford that place to live. i need to have money for food, and a minimal amount of bills. i need to have a job that will supply that amount of money, or at least certifications that will allow me to have a job that will supply that amount of money, if i choose to stay at home and allow my partner to provide for the time being. right now my situation doesn't have that stability, so we're holding off on the babyitis until that stability presents itself. i think you will just KNOW when it's time for a baby... when your situation is right and you feel ready. i know i'm almost ready, which is sometimes the hardest part. it's so close and can feel it... but i've still got some things to work out... in my own personal growth and in the amount of stability i want before i bring another life into this world. don'tever listen to anyone who ever tells you different than what your deepest, gut level instincts are telling you. no one knows how it is to be you, except for you.
Any sort of degree. You are doing massage therapy? Even that! Without any sort of paper behind you, getting by is more likely than not, going to be a struggle! Though, debt caused by university education is by far a huge problem. I envy countries that entitle their citizens to free education.
there's never a perfect circumstance for having a child. you can prepare all you like and have everything go to hell. what's perfect for one is terrible for another. the only thing i can think of that is as close to perfect as possible is having a stable home situation where you DON'T have to rely on another's "help" and outgrowing the need to party. but even so, i've seen beautiful, wonderful children grow out of less than perfect situations. i'm one of them. i'll never begrudge my mother's situation when she had us. and it was pretty terrible. but i'm strong, i love, i live and i prosper.
you're completely normal. i was the same way. i couldn't even concentrate in college. i worked and made good money for years but i never felt really satisfied. i used to sit in those *career development* workshops and answer silly questions like *where do you see yourself in 5 years?* and i would think, in my head, *married with babies* but i would write the response expected by the company like *managing the dept* or some bullshit. i had those babies at 29 ... so i patiently waited for 10 years, worked, travelled, soul searched .... and when i finally had that baby .... i spent every single second with him and cherished every moment and every milestone. and when i had my second baby and i knew she would be my last, and i savored each moment with her also ..... now they're in school and older but i really appreciate them and my role as a mother. what's nice about finishing school and having life skills and work experience IS, sometimes life throws a curve ball and you may need those skills to help support your family. it sucks to struggle, especially when you're responsible for your children. if you're a single mother working full-time, you may HAVE the children but your time with them will be limited because you will be busy making money and it's not an easy life. don't be in a rush because you have plenty of time. but be honest with yourself and those men you date that your future dreams include children and, imo, it's best to have them with a man who wants them with you. if he doesn't want them, cut him loose and find a man who does.
Thanks for the advice/reassurance everyone. I do plan on finishing college, to have something to back me up. And I never intended on relying solely on a man for anything. I mean, its nice to know that my boyfriend and I can depend on each other, but we both have our individual jobs and skills and means to support ourselves. I'm just glad to hear I'm not the only one Also, on the suggestion to get a pup or a kitten, I do keep animals, I raise gerbils. And my boyfriend teases me because I call them my babies and "mother" them.
yes, i agree... my massage certification is a "ticket" to a well paying career. however, i think a lot of people assume you need LOTS of money or a LOT of education to make a decent living. last year i was the sole financial provider for my partner and i, and we lived quite comfortably on my 9 dollar an hour care provider job that requires nothing but a high school diploma or GED. and i definitely think as far as planning ahead and trying to provide the best possible situations for having children, you should have some sort of career... though i have to say, a degree or certification of any type is not always necessary in order to have a successful career. but i'm done hijacking the thread for now. kittymoose... i totally understand about mothering the animals. i cried and cried when the guy my partner and i share a house with tried to catch the kitten in my avatar, and weebly bit him and ran away, and we haven't seen him in a long time. i mother anything and everything in my range. i just can't help it... guess that's why i work with developmentally disabled adults. i just like to mother people. it really helps me be more patient... maybe you could volunteer with elderly people, or the special olympics. it really helps take the focus off having kids for me, and makes me feel like i'm still doing the mothering i'm craving.
there is no shame in relying on a man for support. especially if you two want to raise your own children and not rely on others to do it for you. like daycare providers and nannies. that will be up to you. when i became a mother and saw my baby i had no idea how strong my maternal instincts would become and my desire to be the full-time caretaker of that little life. his instincts were just as strong to be the provider for us and he said *i chose YOU to be my wife and mother of my children, not a paid worker*. (i loved it when he said that) we gave up my income to do it, i even gave up my car, and we barely made the bills for a few years but it was well worth it. i saw every first ... first smile, first time rolling over, first step, first word, first crawling .... EVERYTHING. the memories are precious. i worked and provided my own money until i had the baby. now i work part-time again, but it's around my childrens schedule. my husband provides a great life for us and both our contributions to the household are 100% in what we do.
I agree that going to college doesn't garantee you good money. I've had more success doing what I don't have paper for. My dads a engineer without a dipolma and is a high earner, my mum is head of human resources and she earns well too. I went to college for holistic health, I can't find work in the field at all. I was however working as a private investigator earning very well.
i feel the same sometimes, but it does come and go. im so in love with my boyfriend and would love us to have a family, i especially think like it at the moment because i hate my current job so much and would love to stay home and raise children. but you do whats right for you....not many people regret having there children whether they had them young or old, but doing something you enjoy for a profession is important, its important to be happy in work and eventually you will have to go back to work. dont put off the inevitable by starting a family too young, set yourself up to do something you want and then if you dont use your skills until after you have had a child at least your ready to go. best of luck.
