coping with my mistake

How can i recover(talk and discuss) from having an affair on husband when everyone hates cheaters. I feel like the world is against me. My husband hates me now is turning our daughter against me. I feel powerless.

 

Go to a therapist.

The world hates cheaters for good reason.

 

Should have thought about that before you cheated... but yea, go see a therapist, they won't judge.

 

yeah, you screwed up really bad. your husband may not have to try too hard to turn your girls against you. after all, you've proven that your family is less important than your own desires. don't blame your husband. see a therapist.

 

I bet the guy you cheated with loves and adores you and will not judge. In fact if you ask he may help you pay for the therapist.

Better get things in order fast, before you lose the whole damned thing.

BTW he's not hating he's hurting.

 

I don't want to sound like i'm "judging" pers e but it seems like you turned away from the love of your life and the precious jewels you once had. ... And will always have. How old are your daughters at what stage are they at in life?
THEY NEED mom in development most of their life and that is what they got?
Do you really love your "new" boyfriend" more than your ex husband and your kids . C'mon now its common sense.
Try to rekindle a little and get some help.

 

Was it a one night stand or a relationship?

 

You need to go to a therapist or counselor. My ex cheated on me. The emotional and phyically thing your ex is going through. I know first hand. It is like having your heart literally RIPED from your chest. The pain and heart ache he is feeling and going through. I know all to well. The question he probably wants you to answered. I can't explained the feelings I have toward my Ex but you can only imagine. Mine now know after what he done thats he loves me and want to be with me now. But thing have changed. TRUST is gone and without that. No relationship. Just one thing I know is. You screwed up big time and there is no changing what you done. You will always be labeled a cheater. Cheater Go to Hell in my book. I hope you can get help for yourself. Hope things work out for you, ex husband and your children.

 

dirka. sometimes a woman cannot help herself...it is no slight to her or her husband that sometimes she needs to wander a little bit. remind your husband and daughter that it is not right to judge, and tell your hubby that the whole thing had nothing to do with him (if this is the case). perhaps you should also tell him that he has no right hurting your child by telling her things that debase you as a parent and a woman. you should speak to her on your own about what happened when the time is right.

 

and finding love outside the home does not eliminate the love within the home. it's just something different.

 

mistakes are a part of life. feel your remorse and pain for your bad decision and you probably won't repeat it. don't give up, be persistant in your love and attention to your daughter and focus on her and improving yourself through therapy, meditation or some self help books.

you never know what your future will hold.

 

I cannot agree with this more.

I'm sure you weren't out to hurt your husband when you had the affair. Things just happen. You may not have meant for it to but you are human. Humans are carnal creatures and we all make mistakes.

Whether or not you loved or just lusted for the person you had the affair with, these things happen. You just have to try and work through it the best you can. Give your husband time to heal, don't be too upset that he's not too happy with you right now, you have to see it from his point of view too.


Sending my best thoughts your way :grouphug:

 

Sorry, thats not true. It's called self control. If you want sex outside the marriage ask for a open relationship. Everyone can control themselves though.

 

A woman cannot help herself? That's rubbish. If you are married and you feel the need to "wander a little bit" like you said, then go talk to your husband about it. Have some respect for the man you supposedly love. Of course he has the right to judge her, she went behind his back and that's the worst thing you can do to someone in a relationship. I cannot comprehend how people seem to think it's ok to do that to their partner... and try to justify it by saying I couldn't help myself... coz that's just bullshit. Whatever happened to self control? And what about honesty? Communication??

And if the kid is hurting.. well hey, maybe the woman should have thought about how her cheating is gonna affect her family!

Everyone makes mistakes. But you have to stop making excuses and feeling sorry for yourself, how about just get over it and try to fix things...

 

nice post, j.

 

I agree 100% there are a ton of open marriages, but for them to be successful they all have one thing COMMUNICATION. Cheating is cheating. Sorry.

 

i agree. dave and i are pretty open. we're not very active, preferring each other's company, but should something safe come up, go for it.

 

Hmmm...I've heard this before. Now where was it.... Oh yeah, it was on the top five excuses list that rapists give to justify their actions.

Self control and personal accountability FTW.

I've been there. I had been married about 7ish years at the time. Had a bit of a stir crazy freak out and when road tripping to visit some internet buddies for a party. At one point, after some partying, this hot young fellow starts making his moves. And I'll tell ya, when the inhibitions are down and you've got a young stud pressing up against you from behind and you can feel his hardness on the sweet spot (where your thigh and butt area meet) and damn...that makes me melt. It wasn't easy, especially when the motor's running but my mind overruled my body and stopped it.

I can't even imagine the amount of shame I would have felt if I had just given in and cheated. It would have ruined my life.

And this is why humans can't use animal excuses. We have reason. We have conscience and we have morality and to throw that out the window just 'cause your horny is nothing but an excuse.

 

well i think generalization on such a topic is bound to be inaccurate. i'm in a long term relationship and honestly, if he needs something i don't have it's up to him to find it. if he wants a blonde girl, go for it, i'm not dying my hair...or a short girl, or a white girl. i prefer that than the idea of his always wishing he had tried something else. seems the person who loves you the most should if not agree with than at least understand your occasional misjudgement or unattended need

 

Thats you though, and thats rare.