"I can't come into work today because..."

I dont think youd like my new all mesh outfit i refuse to take off

 

today is naked day

 

I've already been to work today and put in my 8 hours. Are you on drugs or something?

 

I'm busy hiding some skeletons in my closet

 

im in sppppacceee

 

I'm making 40 pounds of pemmican.

 

I got a Hottie visiting and she needs a good warm up

 

A friend set me up on a blind date with a Playboy Bunny and I got to run out and get some carrots for the date tonight.

 

My fish commited suicide

 

I found a horse of a different color.

 

uhhhhhhhh, i was in the jungle and i found a monkey, and he threw a bone at my shin, and then the blood went into my shoe and gave me trench foot, as I trudged all the way back home, and then slipped on a banana peel, damn monkies

 

because "I got a feeling......somebody's watching me"

 

Sunshine came softly through my window today.

 

I dont feel good....All I see are "little pink houses ...for you and me"

 

I see little boxes on the hillside, little boxes made of tickytacky and they all look just the same and we're all being put in little boxes, little boxes just the same.

 

Im trying to teach my cat to recognize a hundred dollar bill, so I can let him loose in a bank later.

 

Im gonna stay home and try to come up with more ideas for excuses

 

im melting my fucking face off.

 

I'm watching the first 4 seasons of 'good eats'

 

I'm taming a shrew.