foreign marriage a good idea?

I am wondering what others think about my situation.

I met this girl in March of 2008 and I spent 3 weeks in the Phillipines.

This isn't a mail order bride since I met her through a friend I used to work with.

Me and my friend had to try to persuade her to marry me. She wasn't sure right away. He was trying by the 3rd day and even I thought that was too soon. It took her a little over a week to decide and if she didnt want to ,me and him were going to find another girl for me.

Hey I like the idea of marrying someone from a different culture so please dont tell me to just find an american. Ive always wanted to marry an asian born person because some of them are alot better people than american born women. They have a different attitude if they were born in asia and lived there -their whole life.

I mean if she just wanted to find a guy to marry and use to come here wouldnt she of said yes right away?

I got to know her and her family and she seemed like a good person. My friend who is a filipino told me about her before I met and how she is shy and some other things about her.

Sometimes I tried to get her to do something and she would always say later on. I guess they have a different lifestyle and arnt as rushed as it is here in the US.

I tried to get her to lay next to me on the bed sometimes and she would be like: no. I didnt have sex with her since I only knew her for 3 weeks. Some people would ask me did you get laid over there.

My friend said what do people expect you to be barbaric or like an animal.

This girl knows my friends wife very well so if she does come here and marry she will at least know them.

My friends wife grew up nearby her house so they know each other.

I just heard from him that he called over there and she was wondering why she hasnt heard from me in two months.

I havent because my phone got shut off since I didnt pay the bill and besides it costs too much to call over there long distance.

My friend just told her that i lost my phone.

That sounds good doesnt it that she had wondered why she hasnt heard from me? I wrote her a few letters and she will get them soon.

After I got home she wrote a letter for my friend to bring with him in his luggage and give to me when he got back from the Phillipines. He stayed there a little bit longer than me.

He gave me her letter and my mom must of sent her a letter and she said how my sisters kids were so cute.





Well I am just hoping it works out because recently I had a different american friend say some stuff which I dont know if its true or not.

He said my filipino friend's sister said that she knows my fiances family and that i was crazy to go over there with her brother to meet a girl with no flush toilet and how this girl doesnt really like me and is just using me as a ploy to get her whole family over here.

I am not sure to believe him since he exaggerates things and even his own dad said onetime that you have to take what he says with a grain of salt.

I asked my filipino friend about this and he said his sister has never met the family. I also remember him telling me that when I was over there in march.

I went into my filipino friends sisters work and asked her about talking to my american friend and she told me that she has never met my fiance or her family but she knows they live in a poor area with no flush toilets.

She said she doesnt like how some of the filipino women will marry just to get citizenship and then will divorce the guy right after.

She didnt say this girl is like that but just to be careful.

My friend told me to not pay so much attention to what other people think.

I dont think this girl would use me to become a citizen because who else does she know here besides my friend and his wife and me?

She doesnt speak that good of english as my friend because he has lived here for 20 years.

Alot of people I talk to have the same attitude they just think alot of those people want to marry to get a visa and be able to live in the USA.

I don't think its true about all of them.

People cant generalize. Its not like I didnt think of the possibility of it myself.

Its been my dream to marry an asian person for a wife because they respect the guy and are into pleasing the guy. Im not saying as a sex/cleaning slave so please understand my point.

I like them alot better than american women



Sorry for such a long post but can someone please tell me what they think about this idea?

 

you want to marry her, but do you love her?

 

I think it sounds like a fucking mess. Most men don't want a American wife because they are put off by women who can think fer themselves.

 

how well do you know this girl and how well does she knows you? There are people who are willing to marry someone just so they can have what they think will be a "better" life. Sad but true.

 

Quite frankly, I think you're naive and crazy.

Good advice.

Yeah, just pay attention to what HE thinks cause clearly "other people" don't mean him.

No, it's not true about all Filipinos. For instance, I did not marry my Japanese wife so I can go to Japan and "live the good life" there. Do not, however, underestimate the power of poverty. It can make one do crazy things like marry a foreigner she hardly knows so she can live "the good life" in a country she doesn't know.

:rofl:As an Asian I just have to say:

Prepare to be disillusioned, man. This acquaintance of mine once told me something her father said to her: "In this house, I always have the final say - 'Yes dear'." In my country, we husbands are jokingly referred to as members of YDC - the "Yes, Dear" Club. Don't say I didn't warn you.

My advice to you? If you really want to marry this girl (or any Filipina for that matter), live in the Philippines for a few years. Three weeks is not enough. A few months is not enough. Experience our culture, and by that I don't mean just the nice tourist-friendly "mabuhay-welcome-to-the-philippines-me-luv-you-long-time-especially-your-wallet" parts but EVERYTHING. The more you understand our ways, the more you will understand her. No harm in taking the plunge and getting married - heck, I did it. But it pays to keep your eyes wide open before, during, and after you leap.

 

you cant afford to pay your phone or call long distance, yet you want to finance a wedding, ship her over here, and support her until she can legally get a job?

hmmmmm. i think you need to plan this shit out WAAAAY better

 

How long does it take for her to legally get a job? Doesn't she have to just apply for social security to work here? My friends wife said she can easily get her a job at this hotel that she works at since she knows the manager very well.

Musikero what do you mean by the yes dear club? explain better.

My friend said onetime what do her friends have to offer her if she stays living there. Her friends arnt going to be able to take care of her and she is old enough to be able to marry someone instead of living at her moms house forever.

She has a 4 year degree as well so its not like she is uneducated like some of them that people marry.

Ive seen worse situations like when I was at the manila embassy there was this black guy and a filipina with him which he was probably going to marry and then another filipina walked in front of them and he had this bad attitude like: umm excuse me.

I think she has to be out of her mind to want to marry him. He is probably just a rich american and she is marrying him because of that. I bet she doesnt care about the fact that he is black just that he is an american.

I think he had a bad attitude and she would be better off staying in the phillipines.

Musikero i would like to live there but what kind of job would I do? I am still finishing school so I can someday get a good job.

My friend told me about a guy somewhere in the east coast is young and he married a filipina i think he might be related to this guy too, and this guy is still a student so dont assume you have to be rich and old to be able to do these things.

 

What the hell is wrong with a AMERICAN wife?

 

You had your friend trying to persuade her to marry you? After three days? What are you.. 16?? Oh my god..

 

wow bro, you are obviously mentally retarded, so i'm really sorry about that.

what musikero very eloquently tried to tell you about the "yes dear club" was basically this - women dominate men in the Philippines, too - you are making generalizations, and misinformed ones at that. i know you want to seem all worldly and cultured by marrying a foreigner, but, quite frankly, you seem very ignorant.

go ahead and marry the bitch for all i care, you both will be using eachother in one way or another... AND you will both be thoroughly disappointed when you realize you were both delusional... but hey, maybe your brain will start functioning properly after it all blows up in your face!

 

Zilla do you know me, my friend or her? No you don't so shut up already.

It could be ALOT worse. I know people who marry other people just for money. My sister married this guy who turned out to be an a**hole and she knew him for awhile before marrying him.

She liked him ever since she was 15. At that time my parents didnt approve because he was 5 years older than her. This same guy helped some other people fight me in junior high school.

He had a good paying job even though it was physical and they had two kids. Then something happened on some camping trip where she may of slept with someone else and then he may of as well. Anyways he choked her in front of the kids and threatened to put her in the hospital.

So really my point is you can know someone for awhile and they can still turn out to be a bad person. I thought maybe he would change since he was alot older and had two kids but he didnt.

He went back to doing meth and they are getting a divorce. He is living with someone else and she is going to lose the house since she doesnt have a job and cant get a good paying job to be able to afford to keep the house.

You can know someone for 3 weeks and marry them or you can do what my sister did and know them for more than 5 years.

You dont know me her, her family, my friends family so dont judge.

Give some useful advice instead of all this other crap all you people have been saying to me.

 

We are giving useful advice, your ignoring it.

 

Useful? More like just judging and saying that all filipino women are bad and like to use the american guys to get a visa.

 

Yeah, your sisters situation sucks but you're making out that a relationship(that appears to be arranged and not starting with love) with a Phillipino woman has a higher chance of success. Why do you think that would be? As you have said she is educated so its not that she needs your support. I mean this genuinely, what is in it for her? Has she fallen for you, have you fallen for her? I'm the first to know that things that happen quickly can work. My husband, i knew for just a week before i moved in with him and we now have 2 children and are very happy, but the key was we loved each other.

If in fact you don't love this woman, have you considered finding an Asian or Philippino woman where you live. It wouldn't need to be so rushed.

 

IMO I have been to other countries were the girls all want a foreigner it is usually because they are poor and they want a way out..

So if a girl marries you for money and a way out what happens when she gets to America and sees a lot more guys with a lot more money? She is going to dump you and get a guy with more cash.

People always say American women suck and woman from other countries will be your slave ect. It is BS other counties are more traditional and woman have a lot more traditional culture but take them out of that put them in the U.S. they start watching T.V. they are Americanized really quick.

Also Immigration costs some money and you have to prove that you are well off finically to qualify.

It is better to buy an Asian slave girl that has already been smuggled over here and don’t teach here the language and keep her away from TV.

 

i know what you want me to know about you : what you have posted on this thread. you ASKED for judgement, silly boy. i am giving you my 2 cents. you don't like it? ignore me, just as you are ignoring all the other people in your life. i think it's a poor, naive decision. i don't care where a woman's from... it's ALWAYS foolish to marry someone you do not know.

if you didn't really want advice, you shouldn't have posted here.

my advice: you really should know, understand, and deeply love the person you marry. i may not know much about YOU, but i know a thing or two about love and marriage, so please, get over yourself and listen to the advice you asked for.

 

you really need to research visa's and her getting a job and all that immigration hoo-hah before you actually commit to this (idiotic) plan

 

Sounds like it could go wrong as you don't know her. She could be crazy or manipulative, and only marrying you to get a green card or money.

 

Zilla you really need to lose that chip ...

 

eh, the only thing i have a problem with is the way he talks about (albeit foreign) women. call it a chip, call it what you like, but i'm sick of stereotyping.