Hello all. So I've been having issues with homosexuality for about 10 years now. When I was 20 (I'm now 30), I had a male friend hit on me, which I was totally shocked by. He left and we never talked about it again. About 4 or 5 months later, 4 or 5 of us did magic mushrooms. We drove around, with him driving, myself in the passenger seat and the others in the back... While high, I somehow came to the conclusion that I was gay. I hadn't had a gay thought in my life before this point in time, then all of a sudden while high on drugs I'm gay. I became severely depressed for a long period of time and then just decided i was going to forget about it... Well that didn't work. I obsessed over it everyday and have done so for 10 years. I've never "liked" another guy like I've liked girls. I've been attracted to women my whole life. And I've never wanted to have sex with another man, it actually seems not natural for me. I've never gotten an erection from a male in the flesh and I've never had male on male fantasies, but I did have one homosexual dream. I do look at a hot guy, though, and get really nervous... makes me anxious being around guys, especially when they are attractive. (The first 6-7 years of this this didn't happen) Thing is... nowadays... people think I'm gay all the time, even first impressions. The way I look at people has changed, they see it in my eyes. It's written all over my face... I have also convinced myself I am gay. Well, kinda... It's like I know I'm straight, but I know I'm not... The last girl I had a relationship with didn't last long, but I was head over heels... til I found out she was still with her "previous" bf. Our sex was AMAZING... and I told myself after we were done "Wes, you're hetero man. REMEMBER THIS." And I did. And i'd feel the feeling and i'd be good... but i've lost the feeling and convinced myself that I'm gay again. It changes the way I look... it changes the way I act. When I'm with a woman that I really like, I don't even worry about this stuff, but as soon as I'm alone (not in a relationship) I start convincing myself I'm gay. And having males think that I'm gay all the time just adds another argument in my head. The problem lately has been that an ex-gf 5 years ago gave me herpes and i haven't been able to deal with it and haven't had a real relationship since. In this time is when everyone around me has started to think I'm gay(even people I just meet). I have had previous issues with OCD and think this is just another one, but I want the opinion of some people that actually know they're gay, instead of all the people like me that I've talked to on another forum that most of which are hetero and are just obsessing about being gay. AND... you can forgo the suggestions of going to a gay bar and see what happens... I've thought about it and will do it if i need to. And I've also considered that I might be bi. One thing I can tell you... If I'm not gay, I sure will have a healthy respect for the plight of the gay male. Society can be cruel at times. Thanks for any help
I'm bi took me a long time to figure out, like you I got nervous around hot guys to begin with but I didn't really think more of it. Then I had a really hot deam in my teens about another guy and it pritty much changed my views on being gay. But I am now more attracted to guys than ever before but I'm still attracted to the girls. But from reading your post honestly I would say its just a fear you have in the back of your head, your not gay at all. I have straight friends who are just a little camp, they consider some guys hot but they wouldn't want to do anything with them, its just the fact their toned and wearing some nice clothes. Don't worry about it man, unless you wanted to sleep with anyone from the same sex I wouldn't really consider yourself gay or bi.
Ok... So i have another question. Has anyone that is strictly gay got an erection from thinking about or making out with a woman??? Or is it disgusting to you? And how is it that gay men get married to a woman and then figure out they're gay years into the marriage?
many people arent liek completly into guys to the point waire they cant get and erection from woman it usually is what u prefer some guys liek the ones on oprah who got married and have sex with thaire wives but are gay like having sex with woman and love thaire wives but feel better being with a guy.
but maby u have problems with woman because of the herpies thing maby u liek girls u just dont feel safe with them u feel better hangin with yo boys but wanna fuck chicks......i think u need to fucka guy before u consider weather or not ur bi or gay or st8
Dark sugar's right - experiment with anougher guy first and see how it goes. But i think that just because other people say you are gay then it might not mean that you are, - some gays appear completely str8 but are gay, so it can happen both ways in terms of sexualities. Also you say you have had OCD issues - I think this could be one of them, I think it may be a idea to see a councler / phycopherist about it.
My usual reply to this is that you are obsessing too much about "what if" instead of just doing what feels good. Sex is mutable and the psychedelics let you see that for an instant. If you weren't obsessing over whether you were gay or not, you would have been at one with the universe. As it was you just became one with all the guys around you and saw that you could love them as much as anyone else. (my coming out was simultaneous with turning on in New Orleans and I was probably lucky to be in the thick of everyone doing anyone else.) I don't know what to tell you other than just quit obsessing because it doesn't matter. I have made love to men and women (and a Honda 450) If it feels good do it. If you're not doing it you're not doing it - so quit thinking about it.
