"Baby you need to loose weight"

OK, I wish I wasnt being serious- How do I tell my girlfriend that she needs to loose weight?

I have been with this girl for a few years now and as she has gained weight, I have stuck with her, but it's to the point now that it's ruining my sex life. SHE still wants affection, but I am honeslty not turned on by her at all. I have to think of some other girl to get in the mood, and keep the lights off. It wasn't SO bad when she was a "plump" 145 but she's closing in on a "gross" 200 now.

The problem is that I cant have a normal conversation with her... She takes offense and begins insulting and attacking me, not even arguing, just saying the crulest things she can think of and cursing at me untill I just leave the room/house. She sucks at coummunicating ideas, uses profanity to express emotions, and thus, a "conversation" never really takes place.

I've tried dropping subtle hints, I fixed her bike, but she still wont ride it. I bought a scale for the bathroom, and she hides it behind the toilet. I bought a full-length mirror, and she broke it and threw it away. I offer to cook, and she goes to McDonalds. I start a simple fitness regimine for myself, and she gets angry when I mention anything about it. I suggest taking a walk in the park, she wants to sit on the couch and watch a movie and eat cupcakes. I quit drinking, she drinks behind my back.

I don't know what to do. I would hate to leave her without trying to help her get better first, but how does a man say "Baby you need to loose weight"?

 

Brace yourself because I am sure some people will harp on you...

There is really no easy way to tell someone, regardless what you say, they will find it hurtful or insulting, not everyone, but a lot do. Is there some reason for her sudden weight gain..? Is it sudden or has it been over the years you have been with her..?

When it comes to weight people are really sensitive about it..Don't know why it is, but it just is. I don't see any other option just besides talking to her about it, but you stated that that doesn't work out so well...
What happens if you do activities together that are active, like going for walks together, long walks, or playing some sort of game outside, hiking or anything.. But just say that you want to go explore not for her to lose weight... You know sex can help one lose weight too...
This is a tough one, so good luck....

 

My question is: Do you really want to be with someone like that? Not fat I mean, but uncommunicative, nasty, and lazy/boring. It doesn't sound like a good relationship regardless of the issue you have with her weight.
And truth hurts....physical attraction is important in a relationship...it's not everything but it is certainly important.

 

^Thats what I was thinking

She sounds like she's a burden on you and not just in the physical sense...

 

That is a very good point... Yeah.. I definitely wouldn't want to be with someone who would cuss me out all the time or say really cruel things to me...

 

Sooo funny. I was actually just thinking a half hour ago abuot what I'd do if I was in the same situation...

Anyways, I think a good way would be to sit her down (or better yet, get her out for a walk) and tell her that you're concerned for her. She's stopped taking care of herself and doesn't engage in activites that she used to. You're worried that she might be losing sight of important things in life and needs to get out more and experience. You don't like seeing her eat unhealthy foods or sitting around because you want to see her happy, healthy and very much full of life.

I hope it helps.

 

It seems to me that you two have much bigger issues than just weight problems...
You're together for a few years now and you still have no guts to tell her honest stuff she doesn't want to hear?..Because, my viewings on long and stable relationship are just about that - honesty and caring for each other!...
Think of other aspects of your relationship and see if there's some other problems as well...

 

a whole lotta unhappy there. first off, however, if my husband tries to be subtle, i dig in my heels. manipulation is infuriating to me, even when with the best of intentions. i don't know how to help you with the rest, but she sounds incredibly unhappy. likely the only time she's gonna lose weight is after you leave her.

 

I know I am not in a happy relationship, but who is, right? I've been with her long enough that I feel obligated, and part of my obligation is to help her to become better today than yesterday. I think we need to go on Dr.Phil or something because *whew* i just wish i had a video of us "talking" cause it's brutal. It'd have a million hits on youtube. Viscious. especially if she's been drinking.

I plan on tripping some acid with her this weekend, and working on our communication problem. My plan is to bring a notebook and 2 pens, one blue one black. The idea is that we not speak but write, and have a real conversation.
Living with someone who is angry at you all the time is unbearable, and I need to peel back the layers to get at the bitter heart of this onion.

I must admit the situation is rather upsetting, even depressing. But I think that if she can find some things to be happy about in her life (like an improving physical appearance, or the growth of knowledge) she won't be so angry, and apt to vent her frustration on me.

 

i have to agree with mamaKCita...

from how you've described your feelings towards her, i'm sure she can sense your feelings and that you're not attracted to her anymore. It might be different if you really loved her and showed that to her.

 

Grow a pair and just say it. If anything all of your little "hints" piss her off more than if you were to jus say it to her face. she obviously knows she's fatter than holy hell, no need to try and say it nicely or deny it.

if anything give her sum ecstasy a couple times a week, guarentee she'll slim down in about a month

 

I'm pretty sure a lot of people are... You shouldn't feel obligated to stay with someone just for the sake of "bettering them" .. I think maybe you both are unhappy and should just go your own separate ways...

 

ugh. you're a person fixer, eh? be prepared to hear a whole lotta unpleasant shit about yourself, too, then. and you'll have it comin'. not that you're a dick or anything, but you're a person. ever wonder why she's always pissed off at you? good luck. it's going to difficult. i wouldn't bother, though, if my husband just thought of our relationship as an obligation.

and i'm in an EXTREMELY happy relationship.

 

You feel obligated?...That's not love!...
And 'you're not in a happy relationship, but who is?'?! That's a bullshit and you should seriously consider big talk with her which will help you decide if you're staying together and working on your relationship or say friendly goodbye.......
I'm sorry, but that's the truth.....

 

Acid, break up with this chick. seriously. Do yourself a favor!

 

I am. Guess what, millions are

This relationship sounds horrible

Youre talking about her weight in relation to "your" sex life. Isnt her health your primary concern?

You sound like you have little affection towards her and you cant even be honest, youd rather talk about her weight issues behind her back to a load of strangers

Just leave her and move on. Being in an unhealthy and unhappy relationship is bound put the pounds on and probably cause other health issues in the long term. Like KC said, she may well lose weight once you split-now wouldnt that be nice...for her and her wellbeing?

As for feeling obliged, you are not obliged, and hanging around is obviously causing more problems. An unhappy relationship is the last thing someone with problems already needs

 

Before you break it off for good maybe sit her down and have a chat. Tell her straight up that you are worried about her health and you don't understand why she has let go of herself. Its possible she loves food or its possible that she just doesn't feel good about herself for some reason and instead of confronting the problem, she self medicates with food. When you eat food it makes you happy because your body is responding in a positive way, but is it possible that she is depressed or needs some help?

Let us know how its going and good luck!

 

Leave her, she sounds like my ex. It never got better

 

how long ago did you stop fucking her?

 

you should never ever stay in a relationship because you feel obligated. That is just screwed up for both of you. On being a 'fixer', my husband is one who saw potential in me and stuck with me during my difficult times. We always communicated well, but i had a few issues. we are now in a fantastic relationship 5 yrs down the track. Difference is no matter the issues we deeply loved and still love each other.

If you're not happy, do something about!

oh and my husband and i are both honest enough to talk about our weight gains and do something about it, but i don't think thats your issue.