The best friend is the love of my life

I know this post is long, but please if you think you can help please respond.

I am in a situation that I cannot see any resolution too. I am a 23 year old male and I have met the love of my life. A few years ago I began dating a girl who I was never attracted to physically. We stayed together for one year. Within that time I took her virginity and also her heart. I stayed with her not out of love, but because she was fun to be around, her personality was complete opposite of mine and thus I learned my own flaws and grew from the relationship. After we broke up we continued to have sex for another 1 ½ years, long I know. Within this time I only slept with her and no one else so technically it was a 2 ½ year relationship. We have not had sex for a while but she still hasn’t moved on, she still loves me. But my heart has always belonged to her best friend.

Throughout the relationship her best friend was always on my mind, but I ignored it because I believed it was only lust and not worth pursuing. She also had a boyfriend of her own so we never had a chance………….until now.
We are now both single.

A few weeks ago I had a party at my apartment. I invited the best friend and a few of her friends to the party. They came. My ex found out and that night my ex lost my friendship and the friendship of her friends. It was all coming eventually but my party was the final blow. I have no dillisions of how much of an asshole I am. But I cannot live for my ex. I can only follow my own heart.

A few days after the party the best friend came up and spent the night with me. We didn’t have sex. We kissed a lot and grinded each other in bed.
When I kissed her I felt the back of my head tingle immensely and the sensation went all the way down to my chest. Sparks. I never felt this with anyone. This girl is the only girl I have ever felt something like this with. I don’t even think its love. I think it’s more. When she was lying on my chest we noticed we breathed at the same pace and our hearts beat at the same exact time. We talked for 12 hours all through the night, no sex and it was the greatest time I have ever had in my entire life. We agreed on every subject we spoke of. A few times we finished each other’s sentences. We also admitted how we always wanted to be with each other.

Now here is the dilemma: The ex will never give her blessing. I tried asking her and she said anyone but “the best friend” she also said she would kill us if we did. So telling her is not an option. Now the best friend and I are no longer friends with the ex. But the best friend feels immense guilt. Betraying her friend by being with me. And I share her guilt but it is not a simple crush. It is so much more.

I am begging anyone who has read this. Please, how do I make the best friend feel no guilt? Her friends and my friends all see that we should be together……..but the feelings of betrayal and guilt are still there.
What do we do?

 

If this is what you both want, go for it. If your ex- can't accept it, it's her problem. I don't mean to sound insensitive, but really. You shouldn't be made to feel guilty for following your heart.

 

Thats how I see it. But its too simplified. They were friends since 6th grade. (now college seniors). So the guilt is strong. I feel like if she doesnt get rid of the guilt now she will resent me in the future?

 

Do just what your doing, if the ex doesn't want you to be happy she was probably never your friend to begin with.

 

I care nothing for the ex, Ive grown to resent her.

But its the best friend who I care deeply for. I want her to be happy. She feels tremendous guilt, she beleives she betrayed her friend (which i dont think she did) but in order for us to be together she has to rid herself of the guilt or it at least has to fade.

I would love it if she could dump all her guilt on me, I would bear that burden if it meant I could be with her.

So really what im looking for is how do I rid her of the guilt? are their other sites or somthing speciffically for guilt

 

Just talk to her, man. It's all you can do. Nothing we say can fix your problem. All we can do is just encourage you to fix it yourself (like I just did ).

 

Do what YOU want to do, go with your heart. Don't be bothered by what anyone else thinks or of there expectations of you.

 

YOU can't get rid of her guilt because it's hers and not yours. And she has a hard time getting rid of it because guilt, like any other human emotion, cannot be "rid off" just like that. No amount of force, no amount of rationalization, whether by you or herself, will make guilt truly go away.

What she CAN do is live with the guilt without trying to escape it or make it go away. That sounds hard, and it is. Self-forgiveness (which is the remedy for guilt) is difficult, and she will want to either run away from her guilt or continue punishing herself by thinking she doesn't deserve to be happy or loved. But in order for her to learn to forgive herself, she must live with herself.

What YOU can do to help is love her and remind her to love herself. Don't stop reminding her that just because she did something that, to her, is "bad" doesn't mean she doesn't deserve love.

 

yea the guilt never is going to go away but she'll get used to it and eventually your ex will move on

 

Wow.

Musikero and Bl4ck3n3D, that is the most amazing advice I've ever received in my entire life. It's exactly what I wanted to hear and its exactly what Ive been doing.

The update is the best friend and I are seeing each other often. We both ignore the ex. The ex has been sending texts to the best friend trying to see if she talks to me, shes also trying to make her feel guilty, so that doesnt help. I told the ex I dont love her anymore, but she still doesnt let go.......i feel its not my burden idk.