i wish i liked myself a little more

i have to in all honesty admit to the fact that i did not patch it, even though it was my idea. my tim man actually did it. and he did a bang up job. unfortunately, it didn't work out to california's smogging expectations so we had to get it fixed proper. but virginia accepted the metal tape patch job, so we bought ourselves a couple extra months, lol!

 

You're still cool.

.

 

WOW! There are other women who feel the same way!

Many times and just recently this came up with me too. I wish I was more girly but I am not. I wear make up, very light and have the figure of a girl however I don't put myself out there to prove I'm girly. The last time I wore a dress was to a wedding and a funeral. That's it. No skirts, ever.

The only reason my hair is long is because if it wasn't...I'd really feel like a guy.

My neighbors used to laugh at me when I'd be outside mowing the lawn, cutting down branches, cleaning the back woods of our property. I had a blast!

 

I used to feel guilty when I was younger about my love for you know, visual esthetics, detail, material. But I love ME for me now, and you will accept yourself as is when youre ready. Its a journey, right?

 

tbh I wouldnt hang out with me either. Doesnt mean i dont rock. Doesnt mean you dont too.

 

"Cool" is a difficult quality to define. Someone either is cool, or they is not cool. And you NTH...you is cool.

 

I have always been a bit of a tomboy myself, but the older I get, the more I embrace more feminine things like makeup (which I barely wear) shoes, clothes, etc. And the older I get, the more I really love being a woman. Its empowering if you embrace it in the right way. There are those chicks who give femininity a bad connotation and play into the notion of being a dumb broad. FUCK THEM. There is nothing more sexy than a strong, confident woman who knows who she is and what she wants. I would never trade being a chick for anything in the world! Its too much fun.

And as for no thinking you would hang out with yourself, I bet most people can say the same for themselves. Love yourself, nakedtreehugger, because it sounds to me that you're a pretty righteouse woman, and I would totally hang with you!!

 

I would hang out with me every day.And I do.I think you're intensely beautiful and honest to boot.What more could a man or a woman want in a friend or lover regardless of the perceptions of others?

 

haha... wow. look at all these responses! so i slept, and i'm feeling a bit better, and a bit clearer. and came to a conclusion.

i like the tomboy side of me. i think i like the girly side of me. i'm just not comfortable with it yet. and i feel awkward displaying it, because i never have before. and i assume that things always must be either or. either a tomboy or a girly girl. somehow i just need to find a balance between them, 'cause let's face it. i'll never be an uber girly person. i'll probably never wear foundation and lipstick. i'll probably never wear high heels.

but i want to be so ok with who i am that if i WANT to, i can without feeling like i've sold my soul to be a barbie doll.

 

I obviously need to take you dancing.

 

haha... why is that?

 

cause its fucking fun as hell

 

haha just last night my sister bro-in-law and I were talking about how my attitude is alot like a man but I lok totally girlie.. you can be both and be happy. seriously dude, stop worying about fitting a defined role and just be you. what comes naturally.

 

yeaaaa yaaaaaaa

 

unfortunately, i've been so unnaturally me for so long, that doing what comes "naturally" is unnatural. lol. did that sentence make sense? no, prolly not! haha! transition comes painfully to me, so i guess it'll just take a while to get used to the girly side of me. it's not just the outward expression of it though, cause while i'm uncomfortable with that, it's the inward, emotional aspects of being a woman that i have the most trouble with. i still hate it that i cry sometimes. i get all pent up just trying not to cry. rather than ask a lover for what i want in bed, i'll just do it myself, which really cuts down on the intimate togetherness time. i don't know, i just feel bad for being a woman. like guilty, like it's my fault i'm not a satisfied person. it's fucked up...

 

don't feel bad about crying and stuff, it's natural. I think you should try talking to someone, not necessarily a shrink, but a close friend or a distant friend might be easier.

When I had bad anxiety and depression along with a horrible relationship, I ended up talking to my friends boyfriend. He was good to talk to because I knew him, but not very well and he didn't know much about me either. I eventually went on meds for it, but gained a good friend, and later a boyfriend. (please note, I did not break them up)

I'm not saying you're depressed, I'm just saying if you need to, you should get it out, it helps

 

lol. that's why i talk to people on here. it helps to get opinions from people who don't really know me and my situation that well. more than anything, it helps knowing that other people feel or have felt similarly.

and my deal is definitely not anxiety and depression. been there done that rollercoaster. i'm just doing some serious self examination. figuring out the parts of me i don't like to look at because i'm scared, and pulling them out to figure out what's really going on, so i can be a happy and whole kind of person.

i'm tired of walking around like half a person. it's starting to freak me out, lol! i live inside my head way too much, and i need to get out of my head and start just feeling things. too bad that's so damn scary, eh? lol

 

I didn't think it'd be anxiety or anything, just giving my experience because it's kind of similar in some ways. I had a huge problem with expressing myself to anyone, I don't know why. I think because how I thought when I was little was considered as weird or bad by people my age and it led me to hide it to some degree. I'm still not really good at it, but some people have a way of dragging it out of me lol

I hope things get easier for you, and don't feel bad about being emotional, you know, just let it out and you'll feel better.