Hi there. I unfortunately do not have anyone to talk to in person... I would greatly appreciate any advice. For the past year, I've been in an unofficial relationship with someone, meaning we do everything a couple does, minus the boyfriend/girlfriend label. I care for him so much, but I cannot bring myself to label the relationship or mouth the words "i love you." I think this is why: Unbeknownst to me at the time, when we first met he was just recovering from a nasty break-up, in which his bride-to-be left him basically alone and in ruins. Spending time with me was refreshing for him, as it was for me too (I too suffered a break-up right before). We found some closure in each other. The thing is I didn't learn about his past until after we became much closer, and of course, after intimate feelings had already developed. Neither of us expected the relationship to deepen or to last, for that matter. But it did. What I learned was that this past relationship was a very intense one. They were each other’s first loves and had planned to spend the rest of their lives together. In that long term relationship, he was content, confident. He was in love with this woman for so many years. She broke it off with him, somewhat abruptly, and from what I gather, mainly for her own benefit. (She was young and inexperienced in love and social life, still wanting to experience what was out there, before getting married. At least, this is what I am assuming…). Because she was his life, he was left with nothing but loneliness and no sense of direction in his life. His happiness was so heavily dependent on her. He treated this plain-jane like the most adored and beautiful woman who ever lived. Herein lies my current problem. Lately she keeps in touch with him. And they “coincidentally” run into each other. She still talks to his family. She still is in his life. While she is doing what she wants on her end, she doesn’t allow him to move on, on his end. He can’t. Not when he’s constantly reminded of her and everything he lost. Not when he didn’t receive the proper closure yet she still attempts small talk. He told me he still has feelings for her and that he ALWAYS will. He tells me that he wants to forget and not care anymore. He tells me that he wants to move on, that he needs that closure but se won't give it to him. she refuses to speak about the break up anymore. He tells me he doesn’t want me to leave, he doesn’t want to hurt me and that I make him happy when we are together. And I am happiest when I am with him. He does a lot for me and he has taught me more than I imagined I’d learn from one person. I think he loves me, but can’t bring himself to say it when he isn’t over her. He never fully healed. Someone help. Please tell me what to do.
Your in a tough situation, thats for sure. >>My advice is to tell him how you feel... not just that you love him, but how you feel about everything. Tell him you really care for him, but dont think you can really do anything about it while he is still in love with her. Just let him know you understand he may need time to get over her, but dont forget to make sure he knows your there with him every second it takes. You know what they say.... "if you love someone then say it! Right then, outloud.... because if you dont, the moment just passes you by." Goodluck with everything. =) hope i helped atleast somewhat....
hi that was a long read but all i could throw in is my 2 cents.... you love the guy , you love the time spent with him, he loves the time spent with you. You say he hasn't fully healed? maybe you are the cure to his broken heart, maybe saying "i love you" will fix his heart right up, and then it will be yours. If i was in his position, i think i would like to hear it from the lips of a girl who actually meant it anyways, hope everything goes well for you and him
Wow thats a tough situation you're in honey but in my opinion you have to take the risk and tell him you love him. I agree with treehugger in that you have to be honest about your concerns and tell him straight up that he he keeps contact with her you fear unnecessary feelings will perpetuate. Good luck and keep us posted!
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. It is so difficult to watch someone you love and care for, love and still care for someone else. It isn't fair for his ex to still contact him after she left him; she needs to let him move on with his life, and let you as well! It isn't your fault and she needs to realize that. Then again, it isn't entirely her fault either. He needs to take responsibility, make up his mind and follow through (which obviously means, he needs to end things with her respectively and keep the bitch out of you and his relationship). Good luck and I hope you both continue your relationship. You are doing right by helping him through this tough situation.
