Do most couples have mutual attraction?

Are most couples mutually attracted to eachother?

My fiance will have sex with me when I ask, but if I don't I'm not sure it would ever happen. Sometimes I'll hold out for weeks just to see if anything happens before I finally break and ask. She claims she's attracted to me, but from the way our sex life works I really doubt it.

In fact affection in general is sorely lacking in our relationship. She's very uncomfortable saying she loves me. We've been together over 4 1/2 years.

She's bi but I think she might be a lesbian. She always checks out girls and wants to get with a girl (hasn't yet) and always says things like, "I don't really check out guys, there's nothing to look at, but I still like them." Does this sound normal?

The reason I'm asking is because we're engaged and I don't want to make the mistake of my life by marrying either A) a lesbian or B) someone who has no romantic attraction to me.

We get along great but I'm a bit worried that she's only with me and planning to marry me because her family is really religious and she knows she couldn't ever move in with a girl.

There's no doubt she likes me as a person but I feel no spark between us. Is this how most long term relationships/marriages are? Am I being unrealistic or is this a legit concern?

Thanks everyone.

 

Ask her, it's really hard to tell from the internet. I have a friend that says that she's bi, but all of her friends know that she's gay, but she really doesn't want to be. She ignores it and dates men, and normally never has sex with them, then causes them to be so emotionally messed up that they leave her.

Does she enjoy sex when you have it, or does she seem really detached.

 

That's my concern, she seems like she's lying to herself so she can lead a "normal life."

Sometimes it seems like she enjoys, but usually she's pretty detached. She claims she's just tired, but it's everytime. She always says it was just OK and never wants to do anything to make it better and when I try to make it better for her she doesn't seem interested.

 

Honestly, if your really invested in this and you don't want to give up you need to go to counciling. However, I'm only disinterested in sex when I no longer have a attraction to the person.

Not to be a bitch but are you sure she isn't getting what she needs elsewhere?

 

Not totally positive, but I'm fairly sure she's not cheating.

Let me ask you something; what makes you lose your attraction to someone? There's been times when we haven't got along too well and times when she's done things that I really haven't like but I've never lost my attraction to her. For you is it a physical thing or more a personality thing?

Also, would you let that person know that you're not attracted to them?

 

I think that most everybody would NOT agree to marriage if they are losing attraction...

you just need to talk to her, dude

 

FACT: 90+% of ALL lasting couples have an exact opposite iris type.

Rayid Method of Eye Interpretation

 

Well, here's a big indicator to me: She always has to be either drunk or high when we have sex. It seems to me that if she needs to be inebriated in some fashion everytime then there's something missing.

 

Constant pressure about anything makes me get bored really quick. Cheating will make me leave faster then anything. For me it's a personality thing, you can tell with me when I'm getting sick of you because I get grumpy when you touch me.

And I let you know, I break up with you within about a month.

 

Yeah, that doesn't sound good. Obviously communication is the key but if she's shutting herself down when you try to talk to her.. well then maybe some sort of councelling wouldn't be such a bad idea at all? Like if she even struggles to say I love you... it doesn't sound right. Has she always been like this or has she changed over time?

 

She's always been like this more or less but some times are worse than other. She's been expressing more and more interest in girls lately and less in me; less in guys in general it seems.

 

Its time for a serious talk I'd say.

 

Yes to your first question, every couple are mutually attracted to each other. Well...they'd have to be right? why else would you be a couple?

as for her upbringing, i've discovered in my short 17 years of life, that a persons upbringing is generally key to how they turn out (as i'm sure all of you are aware) so there is probably nothing you can do or say that will change her attitude.

its great that you get on well together, but if you dont feel the spark....really what is there? a few laughs here or there? company on night out/in? if thats all there is, maybe this isn't the girl for you.

It sucks to read yoru story because you sound like a nice guy who just wants to be loved back, and hey, theres nothin wrong with wanting that. You may be best in the long run (although it is going to be VERY difficult) to sit with her, bite the bullet and tell her what you feel about her, about your relationship, about where your lives are going together.

You dont honestly want to spend your life in constant limbo about wether you made the right choice or not, do you?

hope some of this was helpful, if not, then oh well. Hope it works out for you man