I don't really know what to say, or whether it is a problem or not. But I am pretty unhappy, I don't have many friends, I can talk to people and we can get on well but I don't have anyone who actually cares. Same with relationships. If there is someone who likes me, even if I wished soo much for them to ask me out, the moment they do I freak out and push them away. I can't let anyone know me. I think that people aren't going to want to know me or will just laugh if I say how I am feeling so I bottle it up - have done for about 7yrs now. Everytime i let someone close, it reminds me of things that have happened with men in the past and it really freaks me out. People just think that they can use me and treat me in anyway they want and I don't know what to do with it. I can't let people close so have no one and all these things happening that no one cares about. Maybe I am just a rubbish person.
I've never met a horrible person, and I'm not going to start with you. London is a tightly packed city full of good and bad things. I'd move to a small town and get to know REAL people. x
cairo, you sure in the hell don't sound like a "bad" person to me! it sure does sound like, you got anxiety and phobia shit going down with you, due to low self-esteem maybe, due to the fact that you don't know how to love yourself. you state that people have used you in the past. my hunch is your doing something to let the bad people know that they can walk and shit all over you. you need to take steps to find out what it is your doing to attract bad people to you and find out how to change it.
Not at all. You know, it seems to me that it's getting harder and harder to make friends. I use to think it was just an age thing... that making friends was easier when you were younger. But I'm hearing from others that it's hard for everyone. I don't know why that is, or what we should do about it.
Trusting people can sometimes be really hard. It's also good to some extent not to trust people very easily, it's good to be cautious. As for your insecurities, I think I could relate to that... You never know how people can react to what you tell them. But... on the other hand... if you keep a little distance to them and tell them a little about yourself... what can go wrong? So what if they laugh? Sometimes it's worth taking a little risk... Life is one huuge risk. You never know what to expect.
work out your own life at first, start to love yourself. When you feel good even if you are alone then go out and meet new friends. You are saying that you push away people when they are trying to let know you, it doesnt work, thats why you have to deal with yourself at first! peace
There is your problem. not every person is going to attempt to use you, but there are people out there who will. That is why it is important to set clear boundaries asnd to communicate effectively. If you keep having the notion that someone is going to hurt you anytime they get close to you, then nobody is going to get close to you. You have to be willing to reciprocate in a relationship, give and take. But, my suggestion would be to work on setting clearer boundaries. Then you know for yourself if they are being crossed, and you can act accordingly.
If you've had bad experiences with people, this kind of reaction your talking about is normal as I understand it. Depending on how bad those experiences have been, it can be anything from a little nervousness, to full-blown post traumatic stress disorder. You may need to do some reading on trust issues or you might even need therapy, but you certainly don't need to feel like a bad person for being this way. O
If you are the kind of person that can ask that question out of fear that you are than you can not be a horrible person. You can not be a rubbish person for the same reason. Your desire to have a friend or friends may be what is attracting predatory people that try to use you and your unconcious awareness of this may be what is keeping you from making yourself more vunerable even to potential friends who would'nt use you. The solution would seem to require that you increase your trust but is such a way that violation of that trust would not harm you, a very fine line indeed. I wish you well in your endeavors and some group therapy or even one on one might help you achieve your goal. In a city like London there should be some free, inexpensive or subsidized resources available.
