What would it be like if you no longer had a future to live for? Say you found out you might have a few more years to live... What would happen to all your plans and dreams? What would you consider to be important now? Does it matter who will be president? Does it matter what the stock market is doing? Does it matter what is the price of gas? Does it matter that your neighbor knocked something into your yard? Or that someone cut you off in traffic? Or maybe that your partner left their clothes in the floor again? Does it matter if you get a raise or not? Or whether so and so thinks you're attractive? Does it matter what you write about on hipforums? Is the death of your body just a far away concept to you, or have you looked it in the eye? Have you glimpsed the fear that lurks in the pores of your skin? The incredible beauty of the flower in the field, to shine its glorious light and then simply close and die, sometimes unbeknownst to anyone. You are like this flower, your time to cease is inevitable. Is this a sad and morbid thought? Or is there freedom in the realization of it? To recognize... my time has come. In fact, my time has come right now, in every now there ever was or ever will be. How fragile is this existence. My story. My story that has a built in ending that I always wish to push back. Not here. Not now. Not yet. My story that seems so real, so vivid and lush and full of promise. How difficult is it to let go this story? How vital is the narrative? When there's no more future to escape to, to project yourself into, what now? Can you be here, now, anyway? Without panic. Without freaking out and grasping, clinging, pining away for more story? Can you face this moment as if this is ALL there is? What happens then, to the story of you? Where is the character now? What remains when the story and all its characters are gone? And if it remains then, does it not follow that it is here now?
What is life if not a stage? Everyone puts on what their part in the play requires. When that part is finished the actor removes the costume and goes home. To die before you die, is to be aware that the part you play is not you. You understand it has a limited run. You understand that your awareness continues even with the human mask off. You understand you can create as many lifetimes as you want. Or as few. Where is the sadness in that? Don't weep for the shoes that wear out beneath your feet. Enjoy them. Replace as needed. x
What is my part now, that there is only now? What is that main essence that is my Self, that is left to me when there is nothing to distract me? If I can no longer hide behind the story, or behind the future or the past, or behind relationships or things of the world, or behind the constant stream of my thoughts... what is that final frontier that stands in the way of pure peace? It's fear. Raw, naked fear. Undisguised and unpretentious. When cornered it shows its true face. For years it's appeared as something else and I never saw it truly. And now when there's nothing left to me but this last semblance of identity, I see it... the great fear. It is unmoving, menacing. It waits patiently, for it has no where to go. It figures I'll turn away first. It's playing chicken with me. Who is more chicken? is the echoing question. I don't want to look. I really don't. But I look anyway. And I don't move. I remain standing, watching, feeling the grip of the fear on my lungs, clutching at my heart, squeezing the life out of me. I have no knowledge of patience. What is patience, but the idea there is a choice otherwise? A cold-hearted laugh of the universe... or so it seems to the little personal one. My death. As if it was My life. Mine, right? It was mine, wasn't it? This life? Oh... I really really thought so. And this thought made me suffer. And it gave life to this fear that's gripping me now. The fear of My life being over, and what will happen to me? And the idea that I will be no more? The fear goads me with these thoughts. But I'm just here, dumbfounded, and there are these thoughts, and this squeezing of my heart and the quickness of breath, and I do absolutely nothing. I don't turn away. I don't run. I figure... you know sooner or later I had to face this thing that I've been running from, that I've been denying with all my might. There is no trying to be peaceful. There is no trying of any kind. Everything I know I've set aside now. There is only truth left, the reality of what Is. The final surrender. I don't know what is on the other side of this fear. Because anything I say now is a conceptual thing. I can't speak of past moments of peace. I can't speak of what I've read in books. I can't speak of all the teachings of the ages passed down from spiritual masters. I can only truly speak of this moment. And here in this moment I am standing in a space in which I feel the quickness of breath, the tightening of my chest, the sense of doom, the occasional thought, the tapping of the fingers on the keys that make little black pixels appear on the screen. And I am breathing. Still breathing. And not running away. Standing with the fear. No agenda because frankly I no longer have faith in my own ability. There is not such a sense of my own anything anymore. I am only writing about this because it is so absolutely real and honest and humbling. It feels like.... grace.
The clutching gripping fear stopped. I don't know when, for I stopped wishing that it be gone. And then at some point I recognized that it was no longer there. Right now there is peace. There is this gentle, calm quiet, an unhurried focus on every step, a gladness in my heart. With the fear gone, and the residual preoccupation with self, comes this sureness. What is there to do with this life that I believed was my own? The answer is simple. To give. To give and to serve. The idea of trying to get something... anything... is both sad and funny at the same time. Oh the futility of chasing fulfillment by the unfulfillable! What does wholeness want if not to extend itself? What am I, if not that? The details are unimportant. In listening, I will know. There's a bit of light left still. The plants revere it as the day closes and I share in their reverence. Nothing special really happened, nothing obvious, nothing definable. But in some way there's a clarity I feel, or perhaps a confirmation. Life is not my own, and I let go the claim. And what remains is... willingness.
Ah the eternal questions ... what is it all about ? When I die, this world will die too, even as I jump out of the tracks of time and the electric energy field that is my life now and docked to this reality, will lift its anchor ... and here we go ! Have we not ever been here all the time ? How can we forget ... but even when we think we forgot, we know. And it is inside the soul that we know, without words and further thoughts. My life - this life - asks me to see over and over again that all I have to scoop from is the inner space. The answers are not somewhere else but inside, yet so often the spring is filled up with distraction. And death ... he is a stranger with a hood and when you turn round you see he watches you. He stands right here at the corner of your field of awareness. He smiles. And then you realize he is a friend of the heart closer than any friend could be. And all he asks you is, are you being true ? Are you ? Last night I saw the path again that I had been starting to miss as it seemed lost among the thickings of my life. Walk with no aim. Soft and gentle be your steps. Do not hunt for fulfillment, do not run after the outcome, ah do not forget who you are. I do not know who or what I am, says my struggling mind. All the roles I have been playing are but illusion, and like flowers wilting in the sun. Do not worry, says he. You are here and it is to love, and simple is it. You are me and I am you. There is no illusion. We are change. We are infinite. We are the journey ... where it will take me I don't know. And I sing with you, and I bless you, and thank you for being here. Thank you for your post
And here again, I feel you don't hear me. But I'll expand a bit. There is the conceptual understanding. And that may go very deep. How deep does it go? Well ultimately that determines "enlightenment", doesn't it? I put this out to trigger that part of us, that remaining sense of the "little I" that may be there. We can tell it's there if there's a reactive element still present. This is one for each of us to look within and determine. Is there sadness? Is there fear? What is there? And does it feel like "MY OWN"? Do you still weep? Do you still react? Answer yourself for yourself.
http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/jill_bolte_taylor_s_powerful_stroke_of_insight.html this vid pertains There is nothing to fear in anything... we are what we are, fear, hate, envy all come from trying to be more than the lumps of flesh and energy that we are... how magnificent our mere existence truly is..
why is everyone so focused on life being short and the fact that life could be over in a second etc.... I however believe that life has no end, yes we may leave the body we currently reside, and yes we may come back in another body, but life lasts forever. There is no death, i dont even use the word death apart from those two times. If you take your 'mortality' out of the equation entirely you fear nothing. Im trying to live a good life by the path i wish to follow, and i believe this will lead me to sleep in this body, and wake up in paradise, heaven, where there is no single negative feeling, where there is only happiness and peace. I believe im put here for a reason, and everyone shares that reason, and that is to live. Life is essentially a multiple choice test with an infinite amount of questions, but the answers remain the same, right or wrong. I believe that when my work is done here i will fly home. Look at it this way, when a nutshell breaks open, the seed grows into a plant, which then becomes part of a forest and so on and so forth. Dont look at the inevitable bodily exodus as the end but look at it as just another part of the everlife. I know my time on earth could be over at any given second, my floor could cave in right this very secoAAAHH just joking But seriously, i know that the hourglass of my time here on earth is balancing on a knife edge, and it could fall and break at any second, but all that tells me is its ever the more important i make the right choices while i am here to do myself proud, to do my lord proud and to do everything i hold dear in this beautiful world proud. Stop dreaming about the end, Wake up and live.
Hope this does not discourage you blues, your insights are highly valued by at least me... Thank you for taking the time to share your wisdom. Breaking down mental barriers is essential in getting the most out of this life we are given. Life is a constant learning process, can we really think too much? No hate is meant in this message, just my opinion. Peace and love
Hi z3r0face, Thank you, I'm glad you find it helpful. Actually neodude's statement was inconsequential (no offense meant neodude) and not at all discouraging. What I wrote didn't come from analysis or a mentally constructed deduction. You could say it was inspired. And even though thought was used in the form and effect, thought was not the cause. Sometimes I catch a breeze and let the words fly, like a bird that takes flight when bidden. This mind naturally works in an organized fashion and so I can see how it could be interpreted that what I wrote took effort and analysis and much thought. But this was not the case. I can write off the cuff and very quickly, and it just flows. How it flows, why it flows, for whom it flows... it doesn't matter. It's a blessing to simply allow it to flow and I feel blessed in doing so. And then the moment passes and the flow subsides. Then there's nothing more to say, until there is. I rest and wait for my "cue". I don't claim that what I write isn't for "me". Sometimes it's for this "me" or that "me" or many "me's", and ultimately it's not for any "me". It just is. As a matter of fact, yes, we can think too much. We are addicted to thought and lose ourselves in it. Hence the human condition. Thank you, no hate is perceived at all.
True, You are right, we create our own anguish by thinking. However, what about thinking used towards improving your outlook (self realization), or to creatively extend your love to another? Wouldn't you say that it is beneficial in this manner? I could just be reading you wrong, I guess I don't really grasp over-thinking... Sounds like it has a negative connotation to it. I just know that I am, and that I think in my everyday life to accomplish goals. I also have been using it lately to try and reprogram my mind from the unloving cultural influence picked up by society, there was a lot of faults there that I hadn't noticed before. It's like you said with the great fear, sometimes my mind wants to wander into negative territory, but I have been getting better at noticing it, and depleting it. I don't really see any wrong with thinking, as long as for good and without attachment to the illusion. I think I see what your saying though, maybe it's just different terminology interpretation at this point. Thanks again for you response, You shine bright... Peace and Love
Don't worry you're not boring me at all . I sense that I hear what you're saying. It has to do with using the mind in a positive way and also perhaps in manifesting a preferred life situation. There is nothing wrong with that and you may find it helpful to focus your mind in this way. Directing the mind is one way to work with it. But also see if you can occasionally step back and simply observe it. No judgment. No control. Just observation of its workings. Notice it and what it does, and also see if you can notice the background stillness in which it occurs. See if you can sense the backdrop, the blank screen upon which all forms appear, including thoughts and emotions, whether "positive" or "negative". Positive thoughts are great, but they are just thoughts. Just like negative thoughts.... just thoughts. Neither are very important. Neither are permanent... see them pass like clouds. There is much peace in realizing this. There is such tranquility in recognizing yourSelf as the Silence and Stillness that is Always at Rest, Always at Peace beneath every-thing. When we are rooted in this awareness then we can see everyone as being the same as we are. We all share the same essential essence. You could say we are One. And love happens automatically in the recognition of this oneness, and it flows creatively, without effort.
Darn it, quoted before I could edit! I meant 180 degree turn! Or maybe 360 degrees in the right direction? I confuse myself sometimes. Must be that over-thinking... or under-thinking... lol! Anyway, kudos about the oneness. Wonder if karma works in the same respect, we are all the same energy so when you intend negativity towards others, you are essentially doing it to yourself? Must be why self-imposed desires leave you unfulfilled like you said... Oneness is the answer... It is not the ego in which you are looking for fulfillment, it's the whole. :cheers2: Take care my friend
