My DD just turned 16. Her boyfriend is 18.5. We don't especially like him, but are pleasant (me more than dh) to him nevertheless. I am counting the weeks till he leaves for college, because with his history of LOVE for girls, even though her professes love for my daughter, I guarantee it won't take him long to find someone else...which is what I want to happen ultimately, so that my DD can experience dating different people along the way. Anyway.... he sprung this on me today...Saturday, another couple wants my daughter and him to go to the beach with them. Granted, people go to the beach all the time, however I only just recently started allowing him to drive with her on the highway to take her to the mall which is 25 miles away. For me to let them go off on some adventure 125 miles away is way out of my comfort zone. I think she realizes my reasoning and I don't think she will be mad at me at all for saying no, but when I told him it probably wasn't going to happen, he argued all kinds of points with me (it's a day trip, the guy is a safe driver, we'll be home early, etc...) and then said to her that he was going anyway even if she can't. Ugh....what a jerk. I'm sure he said that so I'd feel sorry for her, but honestly...that's on him if he wants to be a jerk like that. She already has plans to go work and ride at a horse farm that day anyway, and I'm really trying to encourage her to stay busy doing other things that do not involve him. I know they haven't had sex yet, and while I have no problem with her having premarital sex eventually, I'd just really rather it not be with him. If you knew the guy, you'd understand. Obnoxious, arrogant, cocky, and an under achiever as far as what he wants out of life. My DD is in the top 1% of her class, national honor roll, and has a bright future ahead of her...complete with GOALS. I just want her to stay on track with her life and get her to August when he leaves for college, 5 hours away. Anyway, my strong gut reaction is to say NO. I'm not comfortable with her traveling that far without an adult. Can anyone think of a good reason that I should let her go? I think I do give her a certain amount of freedom...they go all around the area and do things together...I just don't see the need to let them take a long day trip like that. She IS just 16...these boys are both 18.
hmm although she is only 16 and the boys are 18 they are dating allready so if the age difference hasnt stopped them from having a relationship i dont see why it should stop her from going to the beach with him so basically im the same age as your daughter and stuff so i guess ill give you my opinion shes obviously very smart and tries hard in school because shes in the top one percent of her class is she an obediant daughter she expects you to say no but what if you were to sit her down and you know talk it out like about drinking or drugs or sex or whatever your afraid of and if she says shes not going to do anything shes not ready for then maybe you could let her go i donno i would just encourage you to be really understanding and yea her boyfriend made some points but ask her why she wants to go and what are the events that coudl possibly take place i dono im dont really know what the best decision is either way but instead of talking to her "jerk" boyfriend talk to your daughter who you care for and love and see what she thinks you never know maybe she woudlnt be comfortable so far away with guys that are older keep us posted on what actually happens please!! good luck there is no right answer but talk to her woman!
I think you should do what you think is appropriate; you are the parent. I do wonder if it's the wisest idea to stop her from doing something because you don't like the guy she's with. I mean, is he just difficult to get along with, or does he do things that would put her in danger? Because all the things you have described make him seem pretty typical for an 18 year old. It's really not shocking that he doesn't have a lot of goals. How many 18 year olds know what they want to do with their lives? I sure didn't. I'm 21, and I'm still not sure. And it's not like it's rare for someone his age to be arrogant. It doesn't necassarily mean that she would get into any serious trouble just for going to the beach with him. I kind of wonder if it's overprotecting her not to let her go somewhere like that. I mean, if you're really uncomfortable with her going without some kind of chaperon, that's one thing. But it's coming across like you don't want her to go because you don't get along with her boyfriend, and that's frankly doesn't seem fair to her.
No disrespect intended, but citing "motherly instinct" for things like this that sounds like a great way to have someone do whatever you want whenever you want. "My house my rules" isn't a valid if you're kid is 16 and you want her to be independant and make her own informed decisions. It would be one thing if she was a small child, but she's not. You have to trust your kids, too.
As a mom I fully understand why you don't want your 16 year old daughter to go on a day trip 125 miles away with him. Just explain to your daughter that you think it is too far, and maybe if he plans something closer she could go. Boundaries need to be set, and followed, and good for you for creating reasonable ones. If you want to get rid of him just be REALLY nice to him. Constantly invite him over for dinner or a movie, offer to take the kids to the beach, have dad do some "male bonding" with him, whatever. She's 16 and will get sick and tired of him always being around. Plus it forces him to either put in the time to be with your daughter, or start making lame excuses that will eventually piss off your daughter. It's easier than finding a place to bury the body Good luck!
Father and Grandfather here. You don't need an excuse or reason for saying no. You are the one who in the end will be held responsible for what ever happens to your daughter. At 16 she should be mature enough to understand that, if she isn't than she has no business being 125 mi. away from home with a boy who doesn't respect you enough not to argue and puts up lame excuses to get her far away from home. Before anyone else says it, YES, I have trust issues when it comes to young boys. I was one myself long ago, and I remember what it was like. I also raised a daughter who looked older than she really was. There's nothing wrong with setting rules and boundaries. How well our children honor them is a sign of their level of maturity.
How do you know she hasn't had sex yet. Sometimes I wonder why parents are so naive about somethings. Regardless, she wasn't asking you if she could have sex with him, so I'm not even sure what that has to do with it. My parents told me I couldn't drive to the beach when I was 17. Mostly because they didn't trust my old broken down clunker of a car. So what did I do, I did it anyway. Nothing happened at all. It could have but it didn't. Anyway, I have no point, you are the parent and can make whatever rules you want. And she is the teenager who can act like a teenager will. I do see your point and you only want to keep her safe, but there is a difference between keeping your kids safe and smothering them. Do you trust her enough to make good decisions?
Your trying to break them up? What a fucking bitch, I'm sorry but theres no other word for it...... That i want to use.
burberry, burberry, what can i say? you have live long enough to have learned that life is both hard and messy of, course i add my own 2 cents to that by saying... don't try to make life harder and/or messier then it has to be. that is far, far, far, easer said then done! i let my neice at 14 go to new york because she won the regional science fair. she was with other kids from the seattle area and, science teachers. i was concerned about her being so far away and, i knew she had to be allowed to explore and experience on her own if she was to grow up. with the adults around i thought it was a risk worth taking. i also made sure she took courses in self-defense, so she could protect herself from bad people. on two ocasions she had to kick two different "boyfriends" asses or, wind up getting date raped. from what you have said in your post, her boyfriend sounds like big time bad news! i was worried sick when my niece for, the first time introduce me to her skinhead boyfriend. i pre-judged him by thinking... NAZI! was i ever wrong about him! really good guy and, he was not a nazi either. i had to eat crow on that one. this guy your daughter is see does not sound that way. what is your gut feeling about this guy? do you think he might hurt her in someway like date rape or even try to murder her? if you answer yes to your gut feeling i, say go with that. your gut feeling could be wrong yet, even if it is wrong it, is better to be safe then sorry! i sure as hell don't want to see you and your daughter go through the exterem grief if anything monsterly bad should happen to her!
Excuse me...but we're trying to have a FUCKING CIVILIZATION HERE. What gives you the right (other than the anonymity of the internet) to say that to the OP? Not only was it so completely uncalled for, but it was uninformed as well. First off, I read her post and not one thing in it hinted that she was trying to break them up. This is her daughter, her flesh and blood - and if she's worried, she's worried. And if she's got a gut feeling, she's got a gut feeling. The girl is only 16 - and as a few other posters have said, that child is her responsibility. At 16 my Mom would have said no also, to going 125 miles away from home - especially with a boy she didn't quite trust. Second - I hope you feel good about yourself calling her a bitch. How very grown up of you. I shall call you, "nards for brains". And when someone calls your Mom/Grandma/girlfriend/beloved friend a bitch...well think back on your own actions. I agree 100% with the Dad/Grandfather poster. And I loved the woman's post full of ideas to draw him into gatherings at the house. Genius!!
personally you should talk to your family with this see how everyone feels and try to start from there seems do-able right?
